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Dr. Balis:
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Good afternoon, Tom. Please come in and sit down.
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Mr. Darden:
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Sure.
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Dr. Balis:
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Last time you were here, you were anxious over an upcoming wedding reception you had been invited to attend. I believe Rachel was to be there as well?
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Mr. Darden:
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Yes.
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Dr. Balis:
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How did it go?
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Mr. Darden:
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From a social standpoint, I guess it went better than the last wedding I attempted to attend. I actually entered the premises this time, after all. But from a "Rachel" standpoint, it was a disaster.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh?
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Mr. Darden:
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When I got to the reception hall, I parked in the lot and tried to muster up enough courage to open up the car door and walk in. There were a lot of people there, virtually all of whom I had never met in my life, so it was very difficult for me. I broke out in a light sweat, and my heart started thumping hard. I actually felt myself being pushed back and forth in my seat each time my heart pumped a beat. The reception was to start at eight, but I remained in my car for about forty minutes past that.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm. Were you sitting in the car and watching people arrive at the wedding?
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Mr. Darden:
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Yeah, it made things worse for me. I didn't see one person enter that building alone. Everyone but me seemed to be accompanied by someone else. It made me feel even more self-conscious. As usual, I wanted to put my key back in the ignition and drive off, but I didn't. I finally decided to step out of the car and walk towards the entrance.
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Dr. Balis:
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How did you finally gain the courage?
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Mr. Darden:
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I don't know. I think it was out of anger. I was angry at myself for being such a wimp about it. Besides, I knew that once I made it inside, I'd be rewarded with a full, open bar. As soon as I entered the reception hall, I proceeded to the ballroom and stood in line to get beer. There were so many people. I briefly scanned around the room, and it was filled with complete strangers. I really felt panicked at that point. I couldn't even find Gina or her husband, the bride and groom. So I grabbed my beer and went back outside.
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Dr. Balis:
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Was that the end of it?
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Mr. Darden:
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No. I figured if I downed a couple beers fast, I'd be able to loosen up enough to remain inside the hall without passing out. So I swallowed the first beer in about two giant gulps and returned to the bar, got a second beer and did the same thing.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see. What happened next?
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Mr. Darden:
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Well, after a few moments, Gina and her husband, Brent, appeared along with the bridesmaids, the best man, and the maid of honor. The DJ handed the best man a microphone, and he gave his speech. It was the usual "wish you all the best" drivel that's said at most receptions. Then the maid of honor, Gina's sister, spoke about their life growing up and how happy she was to see her big sister get married to a wonderful guy and so forth. It was a bit more emotional than I'm describing, but maybe it was just the buzz I had at the time that made me think it was. Anyway, the couple then proceeded to cut the cake, and it was about at that point that I saw Rachel.
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Dr. Balis:
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She had just shown up?
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Mr. Darden:
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Yeah. And when I saw her, my heart felt like it had fallen out of my chest and had been carved up by the cake knife--Rachel walked in arm-in-arm with a guy I'd never seen before. It was clear that he was her date for the night. I was crushed.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you approach her?
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Mr. Darden:
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No. I didn't talk to her. We made eye contact when she entered the ballroom. But when a girl has got a guy next to her, it's nature's way of saying, "Leave me alone, creep." So that's what I did. I left her alone and went to get more beer.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm. Do you feel very dependent on alcohol?
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Mr. Darden:
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I just knew I wasn't going to enjoy myself. About fifteen minutes later, Jennifer Keys showed up with her husband. I felt a lot more comfortable that there was finally someone else I knew and could hang out with. So the three of us sort of gravitated around the dance floor, watching people gyrate around. Rachel and her date got out on the floor a few times, and it made me sick to my stomach. What a bitch. It's like she only brought this guy along to get me upset. Well, it worked.
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm sure it had nothing to do with you, Tom. Did you meet any new people there?
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Mr. Darden:
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Not really. Mostly, I spent the night talking to Jennifer and Frank, her husband. But I did get a chance to chat briefly with Gina and to congratulate her and Brent. That was about when Jennifer tugged at my shirt to point out some really cute, petite blond who she claimed had been eyeing me.
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Dr. Balis:
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So you met a someone there. Good.
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Mr. Darden:
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I didn't meet her exactly. We shared a few moments of mutual interest. Basically, I didn't have the guts to approach her or to talk to her. We spent the night sort of brushing up against each other "accidentally." And I watched her dance with her friends for a while. Jennifer kept urging me on, trying to get me to ask her to dance, but of course we're talking about Tom "No-Balls" Darden here. It was funny, really. The girl would actually go out of her way to come near me and then pretend like she was paying attention to something else. She'd lightly brush her arm against mine or back up into me, as if to provoke a response. I just ignored it and continued to nurse my beer.
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Dr. Balis:
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Tom, it really sounds like you had a great opportunity to break down some of those social barriers.
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Mr. Darden:
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Yeah, I did. But I'm just not outgoing enough to initiate things like that. Oh, the memories I would have now if only I could have taken that extra step, Charles. I wish I were more like my cousin.
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Dr. Balis:
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Your cousin?
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Mr. Darden:
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Lance. He's a year younger than I am and is the biggest lady's man I've ever met--I mean absolutely no one short of a porn star has had more conquests than him. His exploits are legendary. He's everything I wish I could be. Confidence pours out of him like a fucking waterfall. And, of course, that's not all that's pouring out.
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Dr. Balis:
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Having a lot of sexual conquests is not necessarily something to be proud of, Tom.
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Mr. Darden:
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Maybe not, but his ability to manipulate women is so amazing to me. I don't agree with the manipulation, but I do envy the ease at which he can be around the opposite sex. He just got out of the Navy after serving four years. He was stationed in Japan. I met him this last weekend, and we went out to Centerfold's near my apartment. I guess that was an appropriate setting. That whole night, Lance talked about all the women he had in places like Thailand and Indonesia and other countries he doesn't even remember. Many of the girls were hookers, but many more were just women he met in bars. He's literally had hundreds of women. He had sex with twins at the same time. He's done tag teams with his Navy buddies, and he's been involved in wild sex orgies. But, of course, what other kind of orgies are there? It's not like you can have a boring sex orgy, right? Hell, Lance even fucked one of Julia Roberts' nieces, for Christ's sake. He met her during some cruise he was on to celebrate his high school graduation. The whole time he was on that boat, the girl had her Dad wire her money to pay for the $1,000 drinking tab he and his buddy had rung up there in five days. Lance must be some hell of a good lay. It can't be because he's hung well--I've seen the boy naked, and he's pretty average. But he's got something about him that drives women absolutely wild.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Mr. Darden:
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The guy is unbelievable. I told him that we should seriously consider getting a book published about his exploits. I'd be the ghostwriter, of course. We could title it, "Techniques on Getting Laid as Taught by the Master." And maybe I'd pick up a few pointers along the way. At least I would be doing something constructive with my journalism degree instead of languishing in the Help Desk department at SII.
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Dr. Balis:
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I hope you aren't seriously considering focusing your life on achieving the same sexual notoriety your cousin apparently has.
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Mr. Darden:
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Notoriety? I guess you could call it that. At times, when I really think about it, I actually feel a little sorry for Lance.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why is that?
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Mr. Darden:
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It just seems like he's never been in a stable relationship. He just sleeps around and sleeps around. I told him he should try to settle down, but he said that getting a fresh piece of ass is just too exciting to abandon.
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Dr. Balis:
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Do you think he's ever been in love?
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Mr. Darden:
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Well, when he was younger, Lance was involved with a girl for a couple of years. I think he really did fall for her. But she broke his heart. She had been cheating on him with a Marine, whom she eventually married. He was devastated when he found out, of course. I don't think Lance has looked at women the same way since. It's like he's been exacting revenge on women.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's a shame.
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Mr. Darden:
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Yeah. But then again, it's every guy's dream to have the kind of sexual experiences Lance has had. It's a trade-off, I guess. You can either settle down and be in love, or you can be a womanizer. Or you can be me.
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Dr. Balis:
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And what are you?
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Mr. Darden:
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Someone so fearful and distrustful of people that it's sabotaged my ability to make friends or to have relationships with women. All I really want is a best friend who happens to be a woman with whom I happen to be in love with. But I end up scaring women away with the things I do. I seem to have this overall knack to repel women I'm attracted to, like Rachel. It's like I'm a magnet and so is Rachel--when I try to get close to her, I end up pushing her away. She's really uncomfortable around me. I think I frighten her sometimes, especially with my jealousy. It hurts that she feels that way. It's all so very unfair. When a woman is being pursued by a physically attractive man, it's considered appropriate. But if someone like me pursues the same woman, it's classified as stalking. I really wish I hadn't botched things up so badly with Rachel. Jennifer really tried to set the two of us up by getting her hired at SII. She says we are so much alike. So it's like I messed up a sure thing.
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Dr. Balis:
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I don't think that's true. Just because Jennifer believes the two of you are alike, it doesn't mean you actually are. I'm sure there's a great deal about Rachel that Jennifer isn't aware of, despite being her best friend. I definitely don't believe it was a sure thing. You're being much too hard on yourself, Tom. Nothing in life is certain.
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Mr. Darden:
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I just need a lesson on how to make women want me like they do Lance. It seems like the more I want women to be around me, the more I scare them away.
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Dr. Balis:
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I believe we need to work harder on your people skills in general, before we can begin to focus on romantic relationships. Usually, the two skills work hand-in-hand.
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Mr. Darden:
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I know.
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Dr. Balis:
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Let's discuss this further in our next session.
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Mr. Darden:
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Okay.
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Dr. Balis:
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I'll see you again in two weeks. Take care, Tom.
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Mr. Darden:
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You too.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Thomas Darden's Communications
