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Dr. Balis:
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Hello, Anna. Please come in. You look tired.
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Ms. Green:
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Hello, Doctor Balis.
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Dr. Balis:
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Are you getting enough sleep?
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Ms. Green:
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Three weeks and counting.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm? Oh, yes. So you're still standing firm on your four week resolution?
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Ms. Green:
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If I make it that long. I'm really putting in a lot of hours at work right now. In some ways it's good--it gets me out of the house. But I've spent so much of my emotional energy in the past few weeks...oh, hell, it's been months!
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Ms. Green:
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I've been working on this project on and off for the last year. Now, it's finally gone alpha. The beta date is supposed to be in three weeks. As you can imagine, life is pure stress.
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Dr. Balis:
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Alpha?
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Ms. Green:
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It's the first working version of the product used for internal testing. Well, "working" is a bit of wishful thinking. Every day, I get a bug list that seems like it could stretch between the Earth and the Moon, and I'm not really exaggerating.
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Dr. Balis:
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Is this why you're in trouble at work?
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Ms. Green:
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I'm having a real hard time staying focused. Julian said that I'm generating as many errors as I'm fixing. That hurt, and it was a really stupid thing to say, because it's clearly not true. I know that Julian is also under a lot of stress right now. But...
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Dr. Balis:
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Are there any longterm consequences for you?
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Ms. Green:
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Oh, no. It's just unpleasant. Once the product is out the door, things will get back to normal. I'll probably even get a bonus. But right now, the tensions are running high. I was seriously considering just moving into my office for a few days. I'd probably be able to get more sleep that way.
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Dr. Balis:
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How are things at home?
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Ms. Green:
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Kathy is still strange, but what else is new? Martin has been moody, too. But I finally know why.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why?
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Ms. Green:
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The baby was fine.
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm not following.
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Ms. Green:
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It's interesting how this just doesn't surprise me. The amnio test came back negative. The baby was fine.
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Dr. Balis:
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So why did Kathy have an abortion?
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Ms. Green:
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I think it's completely pointless to ask that question now. I'm not being rude, Doctor. I guess I would like to know the answer myself. But I don't think Kathy is all there. I don't think even she knows why she did it.
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Dr. Balis:
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How did you find out?
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Ms. Green:
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Martin crawled into bed with me a few nights ago. He was crying, so I made an effort and asked him why he was so upset.
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Dr. Balis:
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And?
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Ms. Green:
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He said that he can't help but mourn the death of his baby. He said that it's his fault because he wasn't there for the baby when it needed him.
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Dr. Balis:
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He wasn't there for the baby?
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Ms. Green:
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Right. He wasn't there period. When he went to the clinic and found Kathy waiting for the abortion, Martin said that he just assumed--like we all did--that the baby was all fucked up. But after the dirty deed was done, he found out from the nurse that the baby was just fine. Sometimes it happens that the first test shows an abnormal protein or something, but later it turns out to be a false alarm. Kathy must have known that the baby was all right for at least a week and a half--they try to give the results of the second test to the parents as soon as possible. So Kathy knew, and yet she made us all believe that the baby had Down's syndrome. What a psycho bitch!
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Dr. Balis:
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Why do you think she did that?
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Ms. Green:
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I don't know. Maybe she was testing us somehow, and we all failed. Or maybe we passed, and that's what freaked her out. Who knows? That woman should be committed.
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Dr. Balis:
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How does Martin feel about all this?
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Ms. Green:
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Well, he was crying.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did he want to have this child if it was all right?
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Ms. Green:
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I didn't think he did. But now that it's gone, I guess he thinks he did. He should consider himself a lucky man. He could have had his whole life just flushed down a toilet, but he dodged a bullet. I think he's very lucky.
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Dr. Balis:
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Does he think so?
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Ms. Green:
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On some level, he must. He feels a lot of guilt right now. But that should pass. Once the air clears, he's sure to figure it out. I guess he told his parents about the baby.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why do you think that?
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Ms. Green:
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He went there to make arrangements to move in with them. I've heard from people at work that he talked to his supervisor about resigning or telecommuting.
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Dr. Balis:
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So he was going to leave you?
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Ms. Green:
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So, how do you like this weather? I feel like it's almost spring time.
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Dr. Balis:
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Anna, what's in it for you now? Why are you resisting putting an end to this relationship?
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Ms. Green:
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Am I?
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Dr. Balis:
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You're clawing and kicking to maintain a relationship that seems to me to have collapsed months ago. Why?
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Ms. Green:
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I'm not sure. Maybe I'm scared of being alone.
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Dr. Balis:
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What? I can barely hear you.
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Ms. Green:
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I don't know, Doctor. Why do you think?
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Dr. Balis:
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I often wonder.
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Ms. Green:
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I keep hoping to get more energy, somehow. I feel like I need to get over this hump. It's like I need to climb a mountain before I'm allowed to leave. They are not going to make it easy.
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Dr. Balis:
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Who? Do you feel like Martin will try to keep you from leaving?
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Ms. Green:
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I think Kathy will.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why would she do that?
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Ms. Green:
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Right now, Martin is trying hard to pretend everything is just as it was--that we're still a happy threesome in love.
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Dr. Balis:
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But that's not what Kathy wants. She wants Martin all to herself, doesn't she?
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Ms. Green:
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I think Kathy is scared of Martin. When Martin learned about the baby, he told me that he felt this blinding rage. Kathy must know how he feels. Martin said that he felt like something just snapped in him. He said that he felt like he wanted to kill her right there and then while she recovered in the clinic from the abortion.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why does he stay? Why is he pretending like everything is all right?
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Ms. Green:
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Maybe he is trying to mask how he truly feels inside. We are all in it so deep. Maybe he feels guilty for wanting to hurt her. Who knows?
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Ms. Green:
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I think when I leave, Kathy is going to make Martin do something to her. It's like she wants to commit suicide using Martin as the weapon. Doctor, I'm so tired right now that I don't really know if any of what I'm saying really makes sense. Maybe Martin and Kathy are just messing with my mind or maybe my sense of reality is just completely disturbed. I don't even know if I believe everything I'm telling you right now. It all sounds so far fetched when I put it into words. There's just this sense of insanity there now. And it scares me. At least while I'm there, I know what's going on. And things might get better in a few weeks.
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Dr. Balis:
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But you're still planning on leaving?
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Ms. Green:
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Yes. But I'm also scared of being alone right now. Isn't that sick? I know when I leave, I'll be completely fixated on what's going on with Kathy and Martin. If she dies...
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Dr. Balis:
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Do you really believe that Martin will harm Kathy if you're not there?
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Ms. Green:
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I believe that Kathy might create a situation or make it look like something happened when it really didn't.
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Dr. Balis:
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You think that Kathy will set Martin up?
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Ms. Green:
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Do you think so?
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Dr. Balis:
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I don't know.
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Ms. Green:
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Yeah. And in the meantime, I'm bearing the cross of keeping the equilibrium. Which reminds me, I think it's time for me to go.
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Dr. Balis:
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Are you going home?
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Ms. Green:
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No, back to work. I have a lot of work. And I'm so deadly tired.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Ms. Green:
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I'll see you next week, Doctor.
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Dr. Balis:
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All right, Anna. Please call me if you need me. I can probably find a good intervention program for Kathy, if you think that she needs it.
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Ms. Green:
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I don't think she's committable until after the fact, Doctor. Isn't it always like that?
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Dr. Balis:
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Just call me when you need to.
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Ms. Green:
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Thank you, Doctor.
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Dr. Balis:
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Goodbye, Anna.
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Ms. Green:
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Goodbye.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Anna Green's Communications
