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Dr. Balis:
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Hello, Anna.
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Ms. Green:
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Hello, Doctor. If you don't mind, I would like to get right to it.
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Dr. Balis:
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Sure. Is there anything wrong?
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Ms. Green:
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No, not really. We are just the happy "Three's Company" kind of household.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh?
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Ms. Green:
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Yeah, Kathy is still living in Martin's spare bedroom.
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Dr. Balis:
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And you?
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Ms. Green:
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I'm actually in the master bedroom, thank you.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see. But you didn't give up your apartment, did you?
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Ms. Green:
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No. My apartment is my safe haven. There'll have to be a lot of convincing before it goes.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm. So tell me about your living arrangements. Are they working out?
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Ms. Green:
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Too well. Having Kathy there has been a blessing in some sense. She's like this tube of Vaseline in my relationship with Martin; she makes everything smoother.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh?
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Ms. Green:
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I guess we haven't really talked about this before. We talk about my problems with Martin and sex, but there are other components to a relationship.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh?
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Ms. Green:
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Stop saying that. You know what I'm talking about--cooking, laundry, shopping, cleaning--the stuff that happy marriages are made of.
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Dr. Balis:
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Are you saying that Martin is not good at those sort of things?
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Ms. Green:
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Oh, I know he has talent--he demonstrates it on a regular basis. But deep down, he's always been a procrastinator and a lazy slob when it comes to doing the house work. The man is brilliant at organizing his computer stuff--his virtual desktop is immaculate. But when it comes to putting a lid on a tube of toothpaste, he has incurable mental memory block.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see.
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Ms. Green:
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And it's so much more than that, Doctor. He hates shopping. If it wasn't for me, we would have nothing but twinkies and coke in our refrigerator.
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Dr. Balis:
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Twinkies?
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Ms. Green:
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They taste better cold, didn't you know that?
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm not really a twinkie aficionado.
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Ms. Green:
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And laundry! Martin goes out of his way to avoid it. Do you know just how many times he's ended up wearing my underwear to work? Fortunately he's into that sort of thing.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Ms. Green:
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And sheets.
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Dr. Balis:
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What about them?
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Ms. Green:
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I don't think Martin was ever told what the top sheet was for. I'm seriously considering switching to comforter covers as our bedding solution. Maybe with my next paycheck, I'll just go out and blow two hundred bucks on new bed stuff.
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Dr. Balis:
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Have you talked to Martin about these issues?
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Ms. Green:
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Of course.
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Dr. Balis:
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And?
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Ms. Green:
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He says, "Make me!"
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm?
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Ms. Green:
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So a couple of times a week, I order him to put on the apron and do the dishes and clean the bathroom. You can't imagine how many times I've had to spank him for leaving his socks and underwear on the bathroom floor.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Ms. Green:
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But I can't always do these stupid master/slave games with him. Why does buying milk have to be a sexual act? And it doesn't work like that all the time.
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Dr. Balis:
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Martin's slave-thing?
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Ms. Green:
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If doing the dishes is always about sex...I guess I'm just totally premenstrual right now. I'm usually a lot better about these things. I don't let it get to me as much.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm. How is Kathy living with you guys been helpful?
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Ms. Green:
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Kathy is a dream roommate. She is very neat and extraordinary considerate to the needs of others. Since she moved in, most of my spats with Martin over things like dishes and toothpaste tops have virtually disappeared--she just quietly does things. She never complains that it's not her turn or that she's doing more than her share--she just sees things that need to be done and does them. Kathy has been the best thing that's happened to our relationship since Martin and I have gotten back together.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see.
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Ms. Green:
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It's strange--it's almost like both Martin and I need a wife, and Kathy's perfect for that role. So here we are--back to the three-way relationship.
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Dr. Balis:
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A three-way relationship is not just about doing the dishes and putting a cap on the toothpaste tube.
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Ms. Green:
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Don't you think I know that? It's just that ever since Kathy moved in, our lives have taken a turn toward the idyllic. We have fun together and we take care of each other. But it still stops short of taking that last plunge.
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Dr. Balis:
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The last plunge, as you call it, might not be as dramatic an event as you think it will be. Your relationship with Martin and Kathy could almost imperceptibly slip into the next level, and one day you'll wake up and realize that you're already there.
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Ms. Green:
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I know what you mean. It's so easy just not to wear clothes to breakfast. I don't even notice anymore when Kathy's naked--it seems normal somehow. I wonder if Martin still notices?
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Dr. Balis:
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What do you think?
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Ms. Green:
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He probably looks.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's all?
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Ms. Green:
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Well...one evening, I got really upset with Martin for just walking away after we all had dinner and assuming that the kitchen will just magically get back to normal. Kathy just got up and started to clean, but I was angry that Martin didn't even think of helping. So I told Martin that it's going to be that slave night that he always dreamed about.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm?
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Ms. Green:
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We made him strip naked, put on an apron, and clean. Every time he screwed up, I told Kathy to give him a few paddle's worth.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Ms. Green:
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It was entertaining--Martin got his kicks, so to speak, Kathy enjoyed herself, and I just got to stay back and direct the show.
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Dr. Balis:
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Yeah, that's what I mean by the slippery slope.
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Ms. Green:
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It never turned into a full blown sexual activity, though. But I know we were on the borderline.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you and Martin have sex that night?
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Ms. Green:
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Martin wanted to, but somehow I didn't feel right about it.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why not?
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Ms. Green:
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Somehow if we did, then the S&M kitchen scene we had earlier would have taken on more of a sexual overtone than I felt would have been appropriate.
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm not sure I understand.
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Ms. Green:
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If Martin and I had sex that night, then all the things we did before that would have been foreplay. And that would have been going too far with respect to Kathy.
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Dr. Balis:
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How did Kathy feel about what happened?
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Ms. Green:
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She wasn't in bed with us that night. And I made a point of telling her that Martin and I didn't do anything.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see.
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Ms. Green:
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Although she told me that she did--I think Kathy can masturbate anyplace and anytime. I've seen her do it in a coffee shop. I think I make too much noise to try something like that. I lose control when I get close to an orgasm, but Kathy...
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Dr. Balis:
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So do you feel like you are more inclined now toward having a three-way relationship than before?
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Ms. Green:
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I feel like a pendulum on a clock--oscillating back and forth. But it's been really nice having Kathy around.
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Dr. Balis:
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Anna, what I'm worried about is you never making this decision and having this relationship sort of happen to you. You have to figure out what you want to do. You can't just let things happen. If Kathy and Martin is what you want, then make that decision. But if it's not what you want for yourself, then let them know. You'll be saving a lot of pain and grief not only for yourself but for them as well.
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Ms. Green:
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You're right, Doctor. Maybe I'll go visit my parents this weekend--they've invited me for a Labor Day dinner. I always can think better in my old room.
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Dr. Balis:
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Okay. Our time is up, Anna. I'll see you next week. Don't procrastinate thinking about these issues, and if you need to reach me...
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Ms. Green:
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Just call your service.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's right. Goodbye, Anna.
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Ms. Green:
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Goodbye, Doctor Balis.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Anna Green's Communications
