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Dr. Balis:
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Hello, Sharon. How are you today?
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Ms. Lough:
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Not so good. My ferret died.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh, I'm very sorry. How did it happen?
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Ms. Lough:
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I used to let Harriet run around in the garage while I did laundry. Charlotte came by unexpectedly. She and Rob had a fight last week, so they haven't been speaking. She used her garage-door opener to get into the house and left the door open. I guess Harriet must have gotten out or maybe the dog came in. I was in the house when it happened. The neighbor's dog got hold of Harriet somehow. When I talked to them later, they said they found the remains of some small animal in their yard. I was too upset to look. I guess its my fault really, though I was pretty upset with Charlotte.
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Dr. Balis:
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It sounds like an accident. Why do you blame yourself?
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Ms. Lough:
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If I'd been out there, this wouldn't have happened. A part of me resents Charlotte for coming and going as she pleases. But that doesn't make sense--it's her house. She didn't even seem to care when I told her what happened. Charlotte only came by to borrow the bread-maker. I was pretty hysterical--I was sobbing and ranting. I think she just wanted to get away from me.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm. It's hard to lose...
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Ms. Lough:
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I feel like a bad parent. I'm a bad pet owner. I think someone like me doesn't deserve to live. I'm a total failure.
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Dr. Balis:
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Sharon, you're being very hard on yourself.
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Ms. Lough:
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My life is like some cruel joke by a malevolent deity. I think if there is a god, he wouldn't be a big muscular guy with a white beard throwing lightning bolts--like Zeus or the god of the Old Testament. God would definitely be a woman, most likely a prepubescent girl--spoiled and self-absorbed--who enjoys petty cruelties.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Ms. Lough:
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This would explain a lot of inconsistencies.
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Dr. Balis:
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You sound very depressed.
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Ms. Lough:
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Yeah, what else is new? And it doesn't help that I hate my job. And I've been having...uh, female trouble.
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Dr. Balis:
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What do you mean by that?
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Ms. Lough:
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Well, I don't want to gross you out with the lurid details. I'd like to save that for my gynecologist. I've been bleeding continuously for a little over two weeks. At first, it was just an irregular menstrual period--I've had those before--but the bleeding won't stop. And I've also been getting these dizzy spells--all of a sudden, I get weak and nauseous. Sometimes, I get these splitting, blinding headaches. Maybe it's early menopause.
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Dr. Balis:
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Is there any chance you could be pregnant?
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Ms. Lough:
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No, you have to have sex to get pregnant.
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Dr. Balis:
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Have you made an appointment with your OB/GYN?
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Ms. Lough:
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I keep hoping it would go away.
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Dr. Balis:
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I think it would be a good idea for you to see your doctor right away, just to rule out something serious.
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Ms. Lough:
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I don't really care if it is. Maybe I have an ovarian cancer. That's how my grandmother died. My mother had to have a hysterectomy. It must run in the family.
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Dr. Balis:
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Then you should definitely see a doctor as soon as possible. This is not something you just want to wait on.
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Ms. Lough:
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I don't really care if I die. I'm not motivated enough to actually buy a gun, or patient enough to hoard medication. I'm not really suicidal. But it would be okay if I were to be hit by a speeding bus, or a large hailstone were to drop on my head.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see.
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Ms. Lough:
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Cancer really wouldn't be such a bad way to go. It's kind of romantic and tragic.
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Dr. Balis:
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Death by cancer is slow and painful--hardly the stuff of lyric poetry.
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Ms. Lough:
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Would you miss me if I were dead?
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Dr. Balis:
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Yes. Sharon, I don't want any of my patients to die. I'm very concerned for your welfare. I'm concerned that your depression will lead you to inaction with regard to this matter, and I think that's highly self-destructive. Please see your doctor.
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Ms. Lough:
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Don't cancer patients get really thin? Just think, I could fit into my jeans again.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's not funny, Sharon.
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Ms. Lough:
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What if I have AIDS? That would be even worse. It's considered quite chic in San Francisco to have AIDS. I could get free food and t-shirts and everything.
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Dr. Balis:
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Is there a chance that you might be HIV-positive?
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Ms. Lough:
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I don't know. I was tested a few years ago--when I was sleeping around a lot--and I was negative.
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Dr. Balis:
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Perhaps it would be a good idea to get tested again, and not only for HIV.
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Ms. Lough:
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I want to let nature take its course.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why do you feel this way?
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Ms. Lough:
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I've already told you--I'm a miserable person. I'm a mishap, a system error. I can't even take care of a fucking ferret. What a loser!
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Dr. Balis:
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I think some of your feelings of depression might be attributed to your physical condition, which is why it is important that you get immediate medical attention.
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Ms. Lough:
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Oh, jeez...
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Dr. Balis:
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Sharon? Sharon, what's the matter?
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Ms. Lough:
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I'm dizzy. I don't feel so good.
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Dr. Balis:
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Do you need to lie down?
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Ms. Lough:
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I just feel weak...
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Dr. Balis:
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Put on your coat. I'm going to take you to the Emergency Room.
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Ms. Lough:
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No! No, I just need to go home. I'll make a doctor's appointment for tomorrow, I promise. Please, I just want to go home. I can't handle waiting four hours in E.R. right now. I'll go home and lie down, and I'll call an OB/GYN tomorrow, okay?
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Dr. Balis:
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All right, Sharon. Do you feel well enough to drive home?
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Ms. Lough:
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I took the bus.
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Dr. Balis:
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Let me call you a cab.
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Ms. Lough:
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That's okay, I can't afford...
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Dr. Balis:
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Sharon?
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Ms. Lough:
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Oh, no. Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's all right, Sharon. Here, use the wastebasket.
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Ms. Lough:
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I'll clean this up...
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Dr. Balis:
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It's all right. The janitor will take care of it. I'll call you a cab. Do you need a glass of water?
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Ms. Lough:
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No, I'm okay. Thanks, Doctor Balis. If you don't mind, I'll wait for it downstairs--I need some fresh air.
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Dr. Balis:
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Sure. Please call me and let me know what's wrong with you. Okay?
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Ms. Lough:
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Yeah. Goodbye, Doctor Balis.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Sharon Lough's Communications
