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Mr. Rozzi:
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Well, Doctor, you won.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hello, Alex. What did I win?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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The damned helmet--I got a helmet.
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Dr. Balis:
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What made you decide to get one?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Ralph had already bought it along with the bike, and after those two bicycle riders bit it over the last week, I decided to put the stupid thing on.
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Dr. Balis:
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You'll get accustomed to it, Alex. I did. It can make all the difference in the world if you ever have an accident and hit your head. You made a good decision. How are you feeling this week?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Still muddled, I guess. I don't know. I think I'm cursed, you know?
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Dr. Balis:
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What would make you say that?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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My head keeps on running around with stuff. And then this week, I started waking up in the middle of the night with a song stuck in my head, and I can't make it stop. Oh yeah, by the way, here's another picture I did. It's just a simple sketch, but Ralph liked it. He got me going on it when he came home last Sunday morning with concert tickets in his hands. So I drew a picture of her, my favorite, Stevie Nicks.
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Dr. Balis:
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You got tickets to see Fleetwood Mac? I know a lot of people want to go see them.
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Mr. Rozzi:
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I've never seen them before, so Ralph bought three tickets: one for himself, one for me, and the other one is sort of an extra. But if Marney is still here when they come, then she'll probably go with us. I really like them; they do real rock and roll, not at all like anything that's considered 'cool' today. People are so strange; they listen to anything, even if it's only for the noise. Quality's out, noise is in.
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Dr. Balis:
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I know what you mean, but I'm the older generation and I'm not supposed to have an opinion on such things. Tell me more about these running thoughts you are having.
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Well, I already told you about the phone call from Benny. Well, he called again and I've been having these dreams again--or nightmares, take your pick, it makes no difference. He called the other day and just spoke real quiet and monotone. He told me he was going to get me. I told him to come on down! Of course, he's not going to be going anywhere for a long time, except maybe in Bruno's cell as his butt-buddy! I'll bet he's the bell-of-the-ball in there! But I did manage to tell him that it was Dora who turned him in--she was the one who had the videotape that the police used against him. You could hear a pin drop after I told him--he was dead silent. It made him think about it, I bet. If he puts all the pieces together, he'll figure out it wasn't me. I just thought of Benny being Bruno's butt-buddy and the bell-of-the-ball--there's a real tongue twister; say that ten times! Then after I got off the phone, I went straight for the porcelain god and heaved my guts up again. It was then that I realized that I was cursed.
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Dr. Balis:
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You said that before. What makes you think that?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Hello? It doesn't take much to figure it out, really. You see my curse is making the people I care about disappear from my life. First, it was my dad. Then, my grandmother. Now, it's Benny and Roly. Hell, even Sael hasn't called me in weeks! Mom and I aren't talking at all again--no surprise there. Oh, and I forgot to mention Tony--he was the third one to disappear.
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Dr. Balis:
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Alex, the only thing in common between all these people is that you cared about each of them. You didn't cause any of them to leave. Your grandparents were ill and then died. There wasn't anything you could have done to make that turn out differently. According to what you told me about Tony, he went away on his own--it didn't sound like it had anything to do with you. And with Benny...
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Okay, okay. Stop, already. If it weren't for me, Tony would have never met Benny. And if they'd never met, Tony wouldn't be in the situation he is in...ah...now, I guess. And Roly--well, he went crazy, and that was because of what came down between all of us.
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Dr. Balis:
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Right. And the thing to keep in mind is that both Benny and Roly were in an explosive situation to begin with, and you're not to blame.
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Why do I feel so lonely all the time then? Why do I feel like I'm alone in a crowded room? No one wants to come near me because of the curse. If they come near me, then they will either die or be thrust away from here, from me. My mom is on her way out now. And that means that Mark, Racyl, and Rhea won't be far behind.
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Dr. Balis:
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Alex, you're describing the normal happenstance of life. People come and go. People die. These are things that would happen in your life regardless of what you do. This is what happens to everyone at one time or another. Now about your mother, I had an idea that came to me and I'd like to bounce it off you, would that be okay? Good. Alex, has it occurred to you that she may be pregnant?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Oh great! Not you too! Ralph said the same damned thing--she's pregnant. That idea thoroughly disgusts me. Shit! She's too old to get pregnant! She couldn't do that to me, could she? No. No way. Uh, um...do you really think that she could be?
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Dr. Balis:
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Think about the things you have told me--Mark's reaction when you approached him; your mother's frequent trips to the bathroom...
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Oh yuck! This is so sick, you know? I mean, she's too damned old to get pregnant, isn't she? Oh, I don't know. I don't want to think about it. I mean yuck!
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Dr. Balis:
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I just thought I'd bring it up as a possibility.
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Mr. Rozzi:
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I told you, I don't want to think about it!
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Dr. Balis:
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Okay. I would like to ask you again about pot smoking and Roly. These were things that disturbed me a lot last time. Do you want to talk about it?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Here we go! I knew you were going to bring that up again. I just knew it! Well, first of all, I still don't know where Roly is. And as far as pot is concerned, I wouldn't even know where to get it. I just smoked it a few times with him. Anyway, no big deal. Shit, the only thing it did was to make me paranoid, you know? So no, I'm not going to go out and become a pot-head, if that's what you are worried about. As for Roly, I think that he went back to a hospital somewhere. I went down to that place in Belmont, and he wasn't there. But they told me that even if he was there, I wouldn't be allowed to see him anyway after what happened. Shit! And he hadn't had a single visitor when he was there. Not even his own father came to see him. Only me. And now, I don't even know where he is. You know, I was just thinking about Tony. I wonder if Benny did it to him like he did me and Roly. I should ask him, huh?
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Dr. Balis:
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Do you know where he is?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Well, ah...yes, I do. But Marney can't see him like this--the way he is now.
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Dr. Balis:
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Have you at least told her you know where he is?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Well, no. It all happened so fast, you know? I was sitting there when the phone rang. I didn't recognize the number on the caller ID box, but I picked up anyway and it was Tony. He has been here in the city all along. And this old dude--way older than you--is keeping him.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why can't Marney see Tony? What's wrong with him?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Well, I could only stay for a minute or two, because the old man was going to be back any minute. But I did find him and talked to him, and he's totally fucked-up. The guy who is keeping him is doing just that: keeping him. On a leash, in a room, and on crank--big time T-R-O-U-B-L-E! The old guy is a fister and has been taking care of Tony. But, you know, it's not my problem. I just have to figure out what to tell Marney, because she's going to catch-on that I know something. Tony said that he's where he wants to be, but I know that he's lying about it.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why would he lie to you?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Because the old dude will kill him if he gets away. I think that he's a prisoner or something, in a way. And I don't think that Marney will just sit by and allow it to happen, you know? Even if Tony says this is what he wants, she won't have any of it. But it's all too complicated for me. And I have my own crap to deal with right now, so I won't be getting too involved in this one. He's on his own, as far as I'm concerned.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm. But it's important to tell Marney the truth about what you know, Alex. Remember how you felt when you found out that people have lied or simply kept the truth from you.
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Mr. Rozzi:
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I know. But it's hard, because I know that as soon as I tell her, she's going to want me to help her get him out of there. And I don't think I can do that right now. It's too much. It's way too much! I think my head is going to explode or something.
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Dr. Balis:
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I understand how overwhelming it is for you, Alex. You have a lot of problems that you need to deal with right now. Have you been able to get some control over your run-away thoughts? Have you tried the knee slapping or foot stomping techniques we talked about last week?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Yeah, I did. But I'll do you one better; I found that if I sit at the desk in my art room and draw, my mind clears itself. It's amazing what I'm doing with color right now. I'll bring some of those in soon. Ralph is having some of them photographed and made into little cards. He thinks that I have a special style--unlike anything he's ever seen before. And I'm beginning to think that he's right. A few people who've seen these drawings go 'ooh' and 'ah' over them, and I really like what I've created, too. It's the first time that I've been real proud of my work, you know?
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Dr. Balis:
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It's a good productive way of getting your feelings out, and I would love to see your drawings. But I'm worried that you might use your art sorely as a means of escaping...
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Don't let it bug you--I'm not that bad off...yet. Oh yeah, another interesting thing happened this week. I was at mom's house one day looking through Mark's stuff again, and the phone rang. I automatically picked it up. This woman asked for Mark, and I told her he was at work. And then I asked who she was. She told me Lori. So I asked her where she was and why won't she come over? Well, she told me that she was on her way to San Francisco right now, and that she can't wait to be reunited with her family. I'm certain that Mark and this woman aren't divorced--I'd bet my last nickel on it. But she did sound kind of weird, though.
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Dr. Balis:
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In what way?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Like she was wired up. Or like she was on the run or something. I don't know how to describe it really, except that she was in a rush to get off the phone. And she was speaking very quietly like she didn't want someone else to hear her talking. It should be fun to see what happens when she gets here.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you tell anyone that she called?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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No. Why? You think I should? I thought it would be a nice surprise for them--for all of them. Don't you?
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Dr. Balis:
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Well, I don't know what to make of it, to be honest with you. It may be a good idea to at least let Mark know that you spoke with her.
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Mr. Rozzi:
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I figured you'd say something like that. Aren't we out of time yet?
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Dr. Balis:
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Almost. Alex, I wanted to ask you about the community work in Delores Park that you've been doing this summer. That should be ending soon, right?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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This week, and then I go back to hell--that fucking school in San Mateo.
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Dr. Balis:
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Which school?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Serra High School. The school for boys. I don't fit in there, and I don't really want to go back. I'd much rather continue to work in the park, you know? Since Cal and I made up, things've been great. And I've really begun to like the work, if you can believe that.
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Dr. Balis:
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I can believe it. Physical work is very rewarding in many ways. Well, Alex, we've covered a lot of ground today. See you next week?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Yeah. But we'll have to do it later in the day, since I'll be in purgatory during the day.
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Dr. Balis:
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I have an opening at five o'clock next Wednesday, September tenth. Will that work for you?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Cool, that works. See you then, dude.
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Dr. Balis:
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Goodbye, Alex.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Alex Rozzi's Communications
