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Dr. Balis:
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Alex? What happened to you?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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This is nothing! Just take a look at this. See all the bruises? And it still hurts, too.
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Dr. Balis:
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What happened?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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The beginning of the end--that's what happened.
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Dr. Balis:
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And?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Friday night, I was walking home from the Alliance when Benny comes to a screaming stop in his car, cutting the sidewalk off in front of me.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh no...
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Oh yes! My heart totally started pounding. We're not even supposed to be seeing each other--the restraining order and everything. And then he went and made this spectacle of himself, in public. It wasn't like no one else saw that, you know?
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Dr. Balis:
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You're right, it was wrong of him to try to seek contact with you. What did he want?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Tell me! He demanded that I get into the car with him. And I was all, "No thanks, dude!" And I kept on walking. Then he pulled out into the street and started pacing me with his car, telling me that all he wants to do is talk to me. I tried to look away, to ignore him, but then finally, I gave up and got into the car.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh Alex, you didn't.
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Mr. Rozzi:
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I did. And that was my big mistake. But I told him, "Okay, you want to talk to me, so talk." Well, we drove to his house. He started by telling me about jail, about the things that happened to him there. The way he was acting, it seemed like he was high on something. He asked me, "Do you know what they did to me in there?" I told him that I didn't care and that he deserved it, whatever it was. Then he slapped me, hard. He never did that before, he never hit me like that. I was furious, so I hit him back, harder.
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Dr. Balis:
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Alex...
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Mr. Rozzi:
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But wait, it gets worse. Before I knew it, he started ranting and raving about everything: about Dora leaving him and taking his baby away; about the prison and how he was beaten and raped; about what I did to his prized car. He was crazed. I knew he was getting dangerous--this love is dangerous, it always was. He blamed me for all of it, for testifying against him. But I just laughed at him. That's when he went off and started chasing me through the house as I stumbled over the furniture. I got to the door when he caught me by the arms and pulled me to him. And then he kissed me roughly. I pulled back and spit in his face--I always wanted to do that. That's when things took a turn for the worse. We started struggling, and before I knew it, we were tumbling down the stairs.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh...
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Mr. Rozzi:
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I think this was when something in me just snapped. I landed on top of him, and he was knocked out cold. I was certain he would kill me, if I didn't do something first. So I pulled the strand of Christmas lights from around the window and hog-tied him, wrists to ankles, and I dragged him up the stairs and back into the house. I found a knife and the video camera...
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Dr. Balis:
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Alex...
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Mr. Rozzi:
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I know! I know! I noticed he was bleeding from a gash on the back of his head, the carpet was soaking it up. I finally felt some sense of power over him. So I sat, rocking back and forth, thinking what to do next. I hurt all over from the fall, and my hands were all scraped up. I knew I wanted to make him pay, and now I had my chance. I was certain he wanted to kill me. He told me it was all my fault for testifying against him, for betraying him. Then I thought about Roly and how he died. I was crazy at that point myself. And then Benny started to wake up. I heard him moan, and it took him a minute to realize he was tied up. He tried to struggle free, but he couldn't. He screamed for me to untie him, I just laughed and told him it was payback time. I put the camera on the tripod and pointed it at him. Then, with the knife, I cut off his shirt and then his pants as he whimpered and started to beg me to let him loose. He promised to leave me alone. But I was all, "Right, sure you will!" So I kicked him. Then I ran the knife blade over his face and down his throat and chest. I asked him how it felt to be so powerless. He was crying, and I loved it.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Mr. Rozzi:
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At that point, I went into the kitchen to look for something...I don't remember what anymore. Just then, the doorbell rang, and Benny yelled out, "Help me!" I heard the door crash open. I thought it was the police, so I ran out the back door. I just ran and ran. I was so afraid to get into trouble. I ran up the hill to the top of Twin Peaks and looked out over the city. It was a spectacularly clear night--so rare. Everything glittered and sparkled. Then I broke down--I realized just what I'd done and how crazy it all was. I cried and cried. I knew this could be a whole lot of trouble. I was shaking, and I hurled my guts out. Then, all of a sudden, I heard this voice call out my name, it was Katherine! She drove up there by herself to see the view and saw me. She wrapped her arms around me, and I cried some more while she held me. We drove down the hill, and I pretty much told her everything that happened. She called her doctor friend, Elgin, and we went over to his clinic so he could look me over. He took some pictures of me and said I was fine--bruised, but okay.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's good. It was very lucky to run into Katherine...
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Mr. Rozzi:
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I know. We went to her penthouse afterwards. I was still shaking all over, and I was sick to my stomach. I took a long hot bath--she has this cool round bathtub. I had cuts and bruises all over my body. See my hands?
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Dr. Balis:
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I noticed that. I also noticed the bruises around your throat.
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Yeah, and I don't even remember Benny choking me. Anyway, Katherine took my clothes--they were torn and bloodied--and gave me some of Philip's clothes she had. They were a good fit actually. Katherine gave me some hot chocolate and some food, and then I slept in her guest bedroom. I woke up around five in the morning after a horrible nightmare. I couldn't get back to sleep again. I kept thinking about Benny and what I did to him. That was when I realized that my backpack was still at his house. So I decided that I needed to go back and get it.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh, Alex...
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Yeah, I know--it was a bad idea. But I needed to see him for some reason. I knew what I did was very wrong, and I felt guilty about it. I felt real bad. I came to his house just as dawn was breaking. I noticed right away that the lights were still on and the door lay open, but there was no one inside. The tripod with the camera was toppled over on the floor. The house was wrecked from our fight. But Benny was gone. Blood stained the carpet and smeared the stairs. I knew that something was wrong. It was more than what I had done.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Mr. Rozzi:
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I gathered up my backpack and turned to leave. Just then, the next door neighbor pulled up in his car. I don't know if he saw me, but he was looking up at the house, and so I went out the back door again and walked home.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Mr. Rozzi:
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As I walked, I thought about what I did, about what happened, and I felt sick again. I didn't hurl that time. I knew what I did was wrong. It was so wrong. I felt...no, I feel terrible about it. I wanted to tell Benny that I was sorry. I knew that things had gone too far this time, that it was too late. When I got to the house, Katherine was there, waiting for me. She practically wore a hole in the carpet.
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm sure she was very worried.
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Katherine said that if she knew where Benny lived, she would have gone there herself--she said that she knew that I must have gone there. She told me to call Cecil, that I might need him. She offered to help me in any way she could. She kept telling me to call the police, but I didn't want to do that. What could they do to me? In addition to attacking me, Benny practically kidnapped me!
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Dr. Balis:
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Alex, Katherine was right--you need to go to the police and tell them what happened, if you haven't already...
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Katherine was right...
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Dr. Balis:
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About what?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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That I needed Cecil. Last Sunday, I went back to Benny's again.
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Dr. Balis:
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Alex! Why?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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I needed to see if he was there. Something wasn't right when I went to get my backpack. If nothing else, I figured whoever broke through Benny's door helped him get untied, and so Benny would have been freed by then. Right? When I got to Benny's house, the house was all cordoned off with that yellow police tape, and the front door was shut. I didn't dare cross over the tape.
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Dr. Balis:
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Good.
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Mr. Rozzi:
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So I needed Cecil--the police came looking for me. On Monday, my mom called and asked me to come to her house right away. She didn't say for what, but she insisted I come immediately. When I got there, I knew I had been ambushed--the police were there. They wanted to know what I was doing at Benny's house. I mean fuck me! I was so stupid! The tape! The goddamned videotape--I left it in the machine. And now they have it--they have me on the tape torturing Benny as he struggled and whimpered.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh, Alex!
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Mr. Rozzi:
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They wanted to know where Benny was because he's missing! I asked the cop what else they saw on that tape, you know? If they had me and all that stuff on tape, then they must have had that other guy...whoever it was that broke into Benny's house. Because whoever that person was, he was the one who got Benny. But they wouldn't say one way or another. I asked about fingerprints. Well, they have real good ones of me, that's for sure!
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Dr. Balis:
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Were you arrested?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Almost, I think. They told me to stay around for more questions. Right now, Benny is just a missing person. But if he turns up dead or something, I could be in big trouble. Now I wish I had just kept on walking that night. Now I wish I didn't go there with him. See what he does? He makes me into a crazy person, into someone who would do anything without thinking.
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Dr. Balis:
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I hope they find Benny alive, Alex. Hmm. You know I'm surprised...
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Mr. Rozzi:
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You are? Well, I'm not. I knew I had it in me. I just never thought I'd actually go through with it. I never thought I'd have a chance to get back at him that way. But now...now I wonder what happened to him? Where did Benny go? And who was it that broke down his door? Whoever it was, he must be with him, don't you think?
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Dr. Balis:
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I imagine so. You are telling me everything, Alex?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Dude! How can you even think that? Of course I told you everything! I wouldn't...no, I couldn't do that! You think I killed him? Jeez! Thanks a whole fucking lot, dude! I thought you were on my side!
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Dr. Balis:
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I am, Alex. I am on your side. But you are a prime suspect in a criminal investigation, Alex. The police have you on tape torturing Benny. You have the motive and the opportunity. Did you tell the police everything you told me?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Yes, I told them everything, just like I've told you and Katherine. But they don't believe me. And you don't believe me either. At least Katherine is on my side!
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Dr. Balis:
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That's not the point, Alex.
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Okay, so tell me, what is the point?
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Dr. Balis:
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Alex, if Benny turns up dead, you are a murder suspect. If he turns up hurt, you are an attempted murder suspect. If he turns up okay, you might be thought of as a potential victim. Maybe.
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Mr. Rozzi:
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I never thought about that.
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Dr. Balis:
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You need to think about everything, Alex. Benny may come back to fulfill his own revenge fantasy against you.
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Well, thanks a whole fucking lot again, dude! Now I won't ever sleep again!
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Dr. Balis:
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Maybe you can stay somewhere...somewhere he doesn't know about...
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Hmm. I bet Katherine would let me stay at her place. No, that's no good. She may be in danger too if I do that.
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Dr. Balis:
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Good point. Alex, you need legal help, and I think you need to ask for police protection. You need to think...
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Stop, okay? Just, stop. I know I need to think. I know that already, but isn't it a little late to remind me? Please don't make me feel worse about all of this.
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm sorry, Alex. I don't mean to make you feel worse. I know how bad you must be feeling already.
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Well, I need to go and figure out what to do next.
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Dr. Balis:
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Call Cecil, he is the one who can help you the most now, or at least he can recommend someone who might.
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Mr. Rozzi:
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That's a good idea. I think I'll go over to his office right now.
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Dr. Balis:
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Good. Well, all right, Alex. Please call me if you need anything, anything at all.
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Okay, dude. Sorry I'm such a disappointment to you...
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Dr. Balis:
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You aren't, Alex. You aren't.
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Well, I'll see you later then...
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Dr. Balis:
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Goodbye, Alex. And if you need me, I'm right here. Okay?
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Mr. Rozzi:
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Thanks, dude.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Alex Rozzi's Communications
