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Dr. Balis:
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Good morning, Jerry. Jerry? Are you going to come in?
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Mr. Freeman:
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I guess so, Doc.
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Dr. Balis:
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Jerry, is everything all right? You seem a bit down this morning.
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Mr. Freeman:
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I'm tired, Doc. Very tired. Almost didn't show up here today and I'm thinking about calling the bastards at work and telling them I'm not coming in. Supposed to be my off day and, as usual, they've got some goddamn emergency they need me for. I may just tell 'em to kiss my ass and find some other stooge to fix the damn problems. Mind if I use the couch today, Doc? Ah, this sure does feel good on my aching back.
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Dr. Balis:
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Well, I'm glad you chose to keep the session, Jerry. What's making you so tired this morning?
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Mr. Freeman:
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I don't know, Doc. I haven't been sleeping too well the last few nights.
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Dr. Balis:
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And why is that, Jerry? Is something in particular bothering you, something else besides Them?
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Mr. Freeman:
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Well, that's part of the problem. Since I last saw you, I haven't really seen Them at all. Not one time and that worries me. A lot.
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Dr. Balis:
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But isn't that a good thing?
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Mr. Freeman:
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You just don't understand, Doc. If you can't see 'em, then you got to figure they're up to something. Hell, I don't know. It all gets to be such a pain in the ass sometimes. Damn work's hard enough as it is, but when you've got to worry about all this other shit too, man, that becomes real tiresome, Doc, know what I mean?
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Dr. Balis:
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You seem to have a lot on your mind today, Jerry. Are all these physical problems--the tremors, the aching back, tiredness--usual for you? Do you have other physical problems as well?
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Mr. Freeman:
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What do you mean by that, Doc? What other problems could I have? Have you been talking to someone about me? Do I look like I have physical problems?
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Dr. Balis:
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No, Jerry. It was a simple question from your doctor. But I gather you'd rather not talk to me about it, even though it's obviously bothering you. We can come back to it later if you'd rather.
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Mr. Freeman:
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Ah, hell, Doc. I keep forgetting how good you are. I have been having another problem lately but it's not something I like talking about. Hell, no one would want to. It's never happened before in my life and it pisses me off. Man, I've never had a problem like this before.
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Dr. Balis:
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Well, Jerry, I gather it's something very personal. Are you referring to sexual prowess?
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Mr. Freeman:
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Yeah, Doc. You might say that. The last couple times I was with Diane I just haven't been able to...well, to get it up. Well, I mean I can get it up but I just can't keep it....damn, Doc! This is embarrassing as all hell.
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Dr. Balis:
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Jerry, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Most men go through a period very similar to this at some point in their lives.
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Mr. Freeman:
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Yeah, yeah. Well, that doesn't help me much, does it? I don't know about other men, but I've never had this problem in my life. Hell, I'm usually good to go all night if I want to.
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Dr. Balis:
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I assume Diane is your girlfriend?
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Mr. Freeman:
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That's right, Doc.
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Dr. Balis:
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And what has her reaction been to your problem?
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Mr. Freeman:
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She's, well, surprised about it, Doc. Just like me. She hasn't complained but, hell, I don't know if that's because I take care of her in other ways or because she knows if she does, I won't keep her around anymore. She's basically a good woman, Doc, and I hate disappointing her that way.
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Dr. Balis:
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Let's talk about Diane a little bit, Jerry. You mentioned that she was, I think the phrase you used, your hired girlfriend. What did you mean by that?
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Mr. Freeman:
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Damn, did I say that, Doc? Well, it's not exactly what it sounds like. It's not like she's a street whore or a dime a night hooker, man. She's like a...well...I mean she's...
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Dr. Balis:
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Are you trying to say she's like a paid companion, Jerry?
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Mr. Freeman:
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No, it's not like that, Doc. What I mean is that I take care of her. She stays at my place most of the time and I make sure she has clothes, a place to sleep, food to eat, that sort of stuff. And I give her money so she doesn't have to go back to doing what she used to do before I met her. Before we hooked up with each other.
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Dr. Balis:
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I assume she used to be a prostitute?
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Mr. Freeman:
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Well, yeah. I guess you could say that. But she wasn't a cheap one, Doc. She was just on hard times, you know? She's too pretty to live like that. She's really got a lot on the ball, Doc. She's fun, sexy, and she understands me. She doesn't laugh at me when I talk about Them. She'll do just about anything for me, and I can't believe I'm telling you all this stuff. She's not my problem, Doc. I just need to make sure she doesn't have to trick anymore, that's all. I don't know what my problem is, but if I don't get it fixed, I don't know what she'll do.
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Dr. Balis:
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Just relax, Jerry. There are many reasons which can prevent a man from maintaining an erection. Part of our purpose here is to find out what's behind your particular situation. Stress, overwork, tiredness are some possible factors. This isn't a unique problem and I'm sure it's treatable and not permanent, if that's what got you concerned.
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Mr. Freeman:
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Hell yes, Doc. It's got me concerned. Wouldn't it have you worried and pissed off if it happened to you?
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Dr. Balis:
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And your concern is very natural, Jerry. Very normal. You seem to be sexually active and I assume you haven't had performance problems before, so naturally any interruption in that area will be upsetting to you.
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Mr. Freeman:
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Damn right. I'm a good performer, Doc. Just ask Diane. I mean with her past history, if I wasn't, she'd be the first to know. But I've never had any complaints, hell, just the opposite. She used to think she couldn't enjoy fucking with anyone anymore, but that all changed when she and I got together. In fact, Doc, that's one of the things she says she loves about me. Of course she's talking about my dick not me, but hell, I'll take it. I know she likes me for other things too. It's not just the sex part that she hangs around for. We have fun together.
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Dr. Balis:
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Diane sounds like quite a lady, Jerry. Perhaps you could expand a little on the actual problem itself. Are you doing anything differently--perhaps a different location? Anything out of the ordinary?
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Mr. Freeman:
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No, Doc. Nothing different that I can think of. One of the great things about Diane is she's pretty much willing to do it whenever and wherever we feel like it. Man, we've had some great times and done it in some really strange places. But, most of the time, it's just in my apartment, Doc. At least the last two times have been and goddamn it, Doc, I just don't get it. It's like any other time. We just start getting it on and hell, Doc, I'm like a flagpole. She climbs on and then about 5 minutes later, boom! She hasn't made it yet and I crap out. I mean it just fizzles, Doc.
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Dr. Balis:
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Jerry, about how long does a normal session between you and Diane last?
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Mr. Freeman:
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Always until she gets off, Doc. With her, that means anywhere from half an hour to all night. And even if I come early, I'm usually right back up there within minutes after she's...well, you know what I mean. Hell, it can be more than once a night. Usually is. Damn, I get horny just thinking about it.
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Dr. Balis:
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You seem very tense, Jerry. I think that could explain your difficulties.
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Mr. Freeman:
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Well, I don't know, Doc. There is something else, though. I just remembered that when Diane and I were going at it last time, my mind sort of wandered. It was like I wasn't there with her anymore, kind of dozed off...no that's not right...sort of, ah hell, Doc, I can't say exactly what it was. Like my mind was pulled somewhere else for a few minutes. When I came back, I realized that Diane was just sitting there, waiting for me to do something. But by then, it was too late. I couldn't get it back up.
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Dr. Balis:
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A loss of concentration, or a focus on performance instead of sensation is the usual cause of an inability to maintain an erection once it has been achieved. If you said that you were having trouble initially achieving an erection, I might be more concerned. But losing an erection once achieved is almost always treatable. So there's nothing to panic about at this stage, Jerry. Let's just see what happens between now and when we meet again.
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Mr. Freeman:
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Okay, you're the doc, Doc.
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Dr. Balis:
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Jerry, our time is nearly up for this session, but is there anything else in particular you'd like to talk about in the time remaining?
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Mr. Freeman:
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Well, yeah, er...Doc, one thing has been bothering me lately.
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Dr. Balis:
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And what's that, Jerry.
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Mr. Freeman:
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Well, Doc, I'm an honest guy. I told you that way back at the beginning. I don't like bullshit or bullshitters. But, well, Doc...I, uh...I haven't told you the real reason why I'm here.
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Dr. Balis:
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Jerry, that's all right. Many people have different reasons for coming to a psychiatrist and often don't explain why they come until they've gotten comfortable with their doctor.
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Mr. Freeman:
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This is hard, Doc. Actually, I've been forced to come here. The pricks that I work for--my supervisor--well, he called me in a few weeks ago and said that if I didn't start getting some help, he'd have to reevaluate how much I was worth to the city.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why does your supervisor think you need help?
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Mr. Freeman:
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It's Them, Doc. I told you, no one wants to talk about Them. They're real, man. They are. It's just that no one else seems to see 'em as often as I do. When Jake was killed, I started letting it be known that I knew why he was killed. The bosses got pissed off about that. But Jake was my friend and his dying just couldn't be swept under the carpet, man. The bastards killed him and someone's got to do something about it.
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Dr. Balis:
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The other doctors you mentioned. Did you go to see them also because of your supervisor?
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Mr. Freeman:
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Yeah, sort of. They weren't as serious about me needing help back then, though. So I went a couple of times and then just sort of faded away, never went back. The prick I work for seemed to be satisfied. I learned to keep my mouth shut and that made 'em happy. But when Jake died, I just couldn't let it go.
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Dr. Balis:
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So did you choose me or did your supervisor?
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Mr. Freeman:
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Hey, Doc. That part was true. I checked around and you really did have the best reputation, so I chose you. The only person that knows I'm coming here is my supervisor, the prick. Oh, and Diane knows too.
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Dr. Balis:
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Well, thank you for the compliment, Jerry.
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Mr. Freeman:
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I'm glad I told you, Doc. That was bothering me a lot. I don't like lying and it feels better knowing you know. And as much as I hated the thoughts of seeing someone, I got to tell you, Doc, it hasn't been half bad coming here.
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Dr. Balis:
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Jerry, I think we're making good progress here. Give me a while and I'll get a recommendation on a good internist who is on the city's health plan. If you don't mind, I'd like to get you checked out so we can rule out some physical stuff, okay? So, let's see. I know you like to stagger these sessions. How does Friday, April 4th look. It has to be in the morning, right? How about the 4th at 9 am?
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Mr. Freeman:
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That'll be great, Doc. You want me to see another doctor? You think I'm sick or something?
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Dr. Balis:
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Jerry, I just want to play it safe. With the tremors and exhaustion, I think it couldn't hurt to be sure, okay? Great. I'll see you on Friday.
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Mr. Freeman:
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Ah, Doc...
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Dr. Balis:
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Yes?
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Mr. Freeman:
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Watch your back, Doc. They're still out there.
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Dr. Balis:
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Thanks for the advice, Jerry. See you next time.
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Mr. Freeman:
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Okay, Doc. Bye.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Jerico Freeman's Communications
