| |
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
Hello Anna. How are you today?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
Hello Doctor Balis. I'm all right I guess.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
You guess?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
It's just that tomorrow is Valentine's Day.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
Is that a bad thing?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
No it's good. I think people should be encouraged to celebrate their relationships.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
So why are you so blue?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
I hate that Martin is so far away. It's especially hard on holidays like these.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
You knew that this would have to be a long distance relationship, at least for a while.
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
It doesn't make it any easier that I knew that these kinds of things would happen all the time. I almost want to go to the airport and jump on a plane and surprise him tomorrow. Imagine Martin opening his door and it's me. He would be in shock for the rest of the weekend.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
Are you seriously considering doing that?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
I can't get away this weekend; I have too much work. But I'm thinking about next weekend. It would be even more shocking if I just showed up on no particular weekend, don't you think?
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
Are you sure Martin would appreciate it?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
I think so. But more than that, I miss him and would like to be with him. He came out here last time and I think it would be fun if it was my turn.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
Sounds like you've basically made up your mind about going already.
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
The more I think about it, the more I like it. I'd show up just like that without telling him or even hinting about it in our conversations. I just can't wait to see the expression of Martin's face when he answers his door. You know, I went to check out one of those stores.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
What stores?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
The ones that sell those leather and chain kind of things.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
Like what Martin got you as a present?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
That's right. I'd never been in one before. They're a little creepy and the people who work there have too many of their body parts pierced.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
Why did you go?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
I just wanted to get a better grip on what Martin's fantasies were all about. He is really different from anyone I've ever dated before. Or, for that matter, different from anyone I've known before, period.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
Did you learn anything?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
It seems that there are a lot of people into this sort of thing. Otherwise, how else could these stores stay in business?
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
There are a substantial number of people who enjoy...
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
I think so too. Except some of this stuff is so far out there that it doesn't seem real to me.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
Like what?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
Well there was a wall of porno video tapes in this store. I've seen x-rated movies before, but these were just not like that. I mean I only saw the pictures on the covers, but they were really different.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
In what way?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
They seemed to be more about pain than sex. I mean it was hard to tell, but they showed people with these tight clamps on their penises, vaginas, and nipples. I'm sure it really hurt a lot to do that.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
I'm sure it does. But some people incorporate pain as part of their sexual practices. They get more pleasure when it is mixed with pain.
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
I'm not sure about that. I thought that maybe it was just movie make up--all make belief and nothing's real. That explanation makes more sense to me.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
I don't think that you're right about that. I suspect that what you saw was for real.
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
What I saw was pretty extreme. But I do understand having these kind of fantasies once in a while.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
Do you have these fantasies?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
Well, not exactly like that. But sometimes I have a dream where a total stranger forces me to have sex with him.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
Is it a violent attack?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
Sort of. He rips my clothes off and forces me down. He feels very strong and somehow overwhelming. I feel really scared but also very excited. I want him to take me. I know that I should be fighting him off, but instead I surrender to him. Even more, I enjoy him. I know that this is a really sick fantasy. Rape is a horrible thing and no one can possibly enjoy it. But still...I always have orgasms during these dreams.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
I think a lot of women have fantasies like that. These fantasies are not rape fantasies. And it certainly doesn't mean that the women who have these fantasies want to be actually raped. Did you ever get hurt in any of your dreams?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
No, not at all. When the stranger was done, he would just leave without saying a word. And he was usually done when I had my orgasm. So sexually, these dreams are very fulfilling. But no, I never got hurt in my fantasies. It's just that there was this sense of enormous power coming from this stranger. The feeling that there was nothing I could do to resist him.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
There is a sense of power but there is no pain or suffering. Rape is not about sex, it's about violence. Your dreams are not about violence. Being taken by a stranger is a very common fantasy for women.
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
Good. Because I like the dreams, although I've always been ashamed of them. Sometimes with Bill, when we made love, I'd try to imagine that he was that powerful stranger and that he wouldn't stop until he made me...you know? At the end, just before we broke up, Bill just couldn't satisfy me sexually. I don't even think he wanted to anyway. Imagining that I was held by the stranger instead of Bill gave me the only pleasure I got out of having a physical relationship with him, although I was still faking orgasms so that his ego wouldn't be crushed too much.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
Do you still think about Bill a lot?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
No. Just once in a while. I usually think that I was very lucky that our relationship ended. Just to think that I could still be with him...it makes me shudder.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
Did you buy anything at that store?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
Originally I went in to get something like what Martin got for me. Something interesting. I wanted to wear it under my coat so that when I flew over there and got to his door, I could drop my coat and...well you can imagine.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
I can. Did you get what you wanted?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
I just felt too uncomfortable in there. I tried going to another place near by, but it was even worse.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
Hmm.
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
Actually, I ended up going to Victoria's Secret and getting something there. It's not leather and there are no metal buckles. But it's very sexy. I think Martin will like it. And it's my turn anyway.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
Your turn to fly out there?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
That and it's my turn to stage the fantasy. When he was here, we played his games. And while I liked his unending affections, one way oral sex and hand stimulation just doesn't do it for me. I like to give just as much as I like to receive, Doctor. Maybe even more. And not having actual sex--I mean intercourse--also blows. I want Martin to make love to me and it's about time that he performed. So when I say it's my turn, I mean it's my turn to direct the show. I want him to play out my fantasies.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
What if Martin refuses?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
Why would he? How many men do you know, Doctor, that refuse getting a blow job? And, just for your information, I'm very good. Very good.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
Hmm.
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
So why would Martin say no to me?
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
He might not. But sometimes men who indulge in fantasy role-playing don't enjoy it any other way. For them, it's more than just role playing. It's more like a lifestyle. I'm not saying that this is how it is with Martin. I just don't know. But there is a possibility that sadomasochism is his way of life. I think you should try to talk to him about this some more. My advice would be to be extremely honest and direct and encourage him to be as well.
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
Sure. But I don't think that Martin is a pervert, Doctor. He is a really nice guy. You'd like him. He is very caring and sensitive. And I think he likes me a lot. I don't think he wants to do anything to hurt me or even upset me. He is not like those men in the video tapes. The only thing he has pierced is his ear and a lot of men do that nowadays.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
I'm glad. But I think you should still talk about this with him. Tell him about your visit to the store and your reaction to what you saw there.
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
I can't do that Doctor.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
Why not?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
Because he would ask me what I was doing there and I would have to come up with an explanation. And it would ruin my surprise.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
So you are definitely planning to fly out to see Martin next weekend?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
I think so. I'll tell you all about it the next time I see you which is after I come back.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
I won't see you next week?
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
Well I wanted to take Friday off and fly out there right after work Thursday. As it is, there is a two hour time difference and I'll get in really late. So, if you don't mind, I would like to cancel our next appointment. Okay?
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
We can do that. But if, for some reason, you decide not to see Martin, please give me a call and we can reschedule our next session for its regular time. But for now, I'll see you in two weeks.
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
February 27th it is. Thank you Doctor. Have a good Valentine's Day.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
You too. And I hope you'll have a good visit with Martin.
|
|
|
|
|
Ms. Green:
|
|
I know I will. Goodbye Doctor.
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Balis:
|
|
Goodbye Anna.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
###
|
|
Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Anna Green's Communications
