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Mr. Mazurka:
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Hey it's me again, ready to spill my guts. I've been saving
up all week. I hope you're ready.
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Dr. Balis:
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Sure Joe, what's on your mind?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Oh, I've really had a lot of time for thinking; my mind's a
lot clearer now. I've thought of lots of stuff--like how I'm going to change
my life, kick butt on the job, get Carol and the kids back--it's going to
be great. Have you talked to her lately?
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Dr. Balis:
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Sorry. She hasn't called me and I don't have her new number.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Well I've got to talk to her. I've really been going through
some changes, you know. I'm ready to come home now. I know I can explain
things to her if she'd give me a chance.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why don't you explain them to me? Then if I hear from her...
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Mr. Mazurka:
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I see the light! It's like I'm a new person. I've got a lot
more energy. It's like I was half-dead before, no wonder she couldn't stand
having me around. Things are going to be different now, I swear it. Mind
if I get up and walk around? I just can't stand it, sitting there like that.
I got to be up and moving. Yeah, that's better. I tell you, I'm full of
ideas--I was telling my boss about some of them. We could reorganize this
place, shake out some of the dead wood that's cluttering up the place. We
should speed things up, too. Everything takes so goddamn long to happen
around here. I don't know what those fucking nerds think they're doing;
we've been promising product for almost a year now and it's nowhere in sight.
I've got some heavy customers that are about to jump ship. Maybe if we stood
some of those jerks up against a wall, it would be an example to the rest.
Wake up some of these guys and let them smell the coffee already.
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Dr. Balis:
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Okay Joe, but you don't need to bang on my desk. You mentioned
some insights into your own situation.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Oh, I've been thinking...I've had a ton of ideas. I guess I
just needed to wake up and look around. A lot of what I was doing was just
laziness, just habit, just going through the motions. I was getting set
in my ways like an old man, but I've got plenty of life in me now. I'm going
to wake this place up too. That's what it needs, a little energy, a spark,
a live wire--that's me. I'm a mover and a shaker now.
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Dr. Balis:
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Actually, you do seem to be shaking a bit. Are you really feeling
okay?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Okay? I'm more than okay. As a matter of fact, it's me that
should be charging you for this. Pay attention, you might learn something.
Really, I don't know why I'm wasting my time like this; I should be up and
at 'em. I'm running my whole department pretty much single-handed, you know,
or I could if they'd give me a chance. I do all the work as it is. But some
people, you just can't tell them anything. Like my boss. I pretty much laid
the whole thing out for him, it made perfect sense. I just don't know what's
wrong with some people, they can't see their asses in front of their faces,
or maybe they can't see the forest for the peckerwood. He just sort of said
he'd think it over. I mean, what's to think? We need some action around
here!
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Dr. Balis:
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I see. Have you had any more insights into your own situation?
Have you been getting in touch with your feelings about what happened?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Oh yeah. I hauled out my inner child and gave him a spanking.
Shit, I'm not sorry. Men have always beaten their wives. It's no big deal,
it's nature. It's just lately those fucking feminists have started making
such a big fuss about it. And now that Hillary is president- shit, we might
as well just chop 'em off and turn 'em in. When balls are outlawed, only
outlaws will have balls, right? I swear, it's just a matter of time. I was
talking to some guys down at the range about it. I mean, what's next? You
let the government get in between a man and his own wife, and there's not
a lot more moving over left to do, you know? We got to get these fucking
parasites off our backs, that's for sure. It wouldn't take but a few well-armed
men taking things into their own hands. Most people are like sheep, you
know, they'll go where they're led; it just takes a small group showing
some gumption and taking a stand to turn things around. I tell you, I'm
about ready. And there's a lot of guys that feel the same way. This society
has gotten soft, there's no way it can protect itself against a tight, determined,
disciplined army that strikes from within. Look at Oklahoma City. It could
have been here, no sweat, or anywhere, and how could the feds have done
diddley-squat? Look at Hitler. Started with just a few tough guys and ended
up damn near taking over the world. Not that I agree with everything he
did, but he had some good ideas and he got stuff done. He really shook things
up, that's for sure. But where were we?
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Dr. Balis:
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Uh, I think I was asking about your feelings on the regrettable
incidents of last month, and--did I hear you right--now you're not sorry?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Well, sure I'm sorry it had to happen and all, but it wasn't
all my fault. She should have known where I was at, and not got on my case.
Sometimes you just can't help but react, and she knows how to push my buttons,
you bet. Well hey, pull my chain and I'll ring your bell, baby. Don't you
forget it. I don't take shit from anybody anymore, and certainly not my
own wife, and the sooner she gets that through her thick head the better
off she's going to be. Where the fuck did she go, anyway? I went by the
place a couple of times and it looks like nobody's there. Either that or
she's hiding. It's not going to work, you can tell her that. She can't just
take the kids and run, that's kidnapping. I know my rights.
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Dr. Balis:
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You weren't supposed to be anywhere near there, were you? I
thought the terms of the restraining order...
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Fuck that! They can take that restraining order, roll it tightly,
and shove it where the sun don't shine. This is my wife, and my kids, and
I think she's split with them. And I'm going to find them and there ain't
a shit thing the government and all its lackeys can do about it, see? But
I got guys working on it, don't worry. And when I find them...well, we'll
talk things over. I'm sure she'll see things my way.
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Dr. Balis:
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Right. So did you continue the medication like we were discussing
last week?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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The Prozac? No, it didn't agree with me. And I've been getting
these other pills that help a lot more.
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Dr. Balis:
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What kind of pills?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Well, you know when I stopped going to the gym, I didn't stop
eating and drinking like when I was working out. I guess I was just used
to it and had a lot of time on my hands to do it in, and I started really
putting on weight. So I got these diet pills, and they worked great. I didn't
feel like stuffing myself with food, and even when I had a lot to drink
I didn't get that sleepy feeling. In fact, I hardly need to sleep at all
lately. I've been getting a lot more done, and I'm working faster and better.
You should see my stats for the last two weeks. My mind is crystal-clear,
I told you.
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Dr. Balis:
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Right. Could you tell me how many, what strength, and what formulation
of amphetamine you've been taking? That is what it sounds like, from your
description.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Hey, this shit's like candy--over the counter stuff, nothing
heavy. You can take a handfull and never get a buzz. It just helps me to
concentrate, and I don't feel goofy like on that stuff you gave me. It's
much more my kind of thing. I don't feel that I've lost my edge. And shit,
it's cheap and legal, what more could you want?
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Dr. Balis:
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I could want something that has different effects on the personality.
Just because something is generally available doesn't mean it is a good
idea for everybody to take, especially in high dosages. And when you combine
the effects of one drug with those of another--like alcohol, which it seems
you've been doing--you're definitely asking for trouble. I really must ask
you to stop with the diet pills immediately.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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They did seem to be wearing off quicker...
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Dr. Balis:
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And all forms of amphetamine. I'm not stupid. I don't believe
that all you've been taking are over the counter diet pills. Really Joe,
these types of drugs are the last thing you need.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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You think you know every fucking thing, don't you Doc? I don't
know who died and made you God Almighty. I'll do what the fuck I feel like,
without asking permission from you, okay? Jeez, some people just can't get
the message until you drill it in. Well I've got a fucking drill, maybe
I should bring it. Just kidding, Doc, no offense.
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm just trying to give you the best advice I can, based on
my professional training and experience, as well as what I know about you.
You don't have to do what I say, it's true, but I wish you would at least
think about it. If you really want to put your life back together, I'm here
to try to help you do it. But frankly, I don't want to sit here and watch
you fall apart. If you really want to drive off a cliff, I can't stop you.
But I don't particularly want to be in the passenger seat either. Am I making
myself clear?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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So if I quit coming to these sessions now, you put a black
mark next to my name, give me a label like "incurable sociopath"
or "psychotic?" Something that follows me around in my paperwork?
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Dr. Balis:
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No, there's nothing like that. I want you to keep coming back.
I'm not throwing you out. But if you won't even begin to follow my advice,
I really don't see much hope here for the theraputic process. We'd just
be wasting our time.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Well, I'll think about it.
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Dr. Balis:
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See you next week, clean and sober?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Whatever.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Joseph Mazurka's Personnel File--Complaint
