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Dr. Balis:
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Good morning, Nina. Please have a seat.
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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Thank you, Doctor Balis.
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Dr. Balis:
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It's good to see you again. I've been looking forward to our session today.
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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You have?
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm looking forward to having a chance to get to know you. But I realize how hard it must be for you to share your life with a complete stranger. It takes a certain amount of courage to do that.
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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I guess.
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Dr. Balis:
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It's been awhile since our last session, so let's get started. How was your Independence Day holiday? I understand SII had a get-together.
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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Yes, they did. But I...uh, I didn't go.
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Dr. Balis:
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Really? Why not?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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Why go? I don't really know anybody. And most of them hate me anyway.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why do you think people at SII hate you?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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Well, those who don't hate me just haven't had a chance to meet me yet. Once they will, I'm sure they wouldn't want me around.
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Dr. Balis:
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Don't you think that's rather extreme? Do you know anyone in particular who doesn't like you?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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Well, actually...I just don't fit in. I don't do things right and am always making mistakes. I'm sure everyone thinks I'm stupid. Besides, why should anyone want to be around me? My mother works for Mr. Major; I'm sure people think I'm his spy.
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Dr. Balis:
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Everyone makes mistakes when they start a new job. That's to be expected...
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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Yeah, but I just can't seem to get it right.
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Dr. Balis:
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Do you ever ask for clarification or assistance?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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Oh no! That would show them just how stupid I was. I couldn't do that. I don't dare. Oh no. I wouldn't dare ask anyone for help. I ask my mother sometimes because I trust her. But she's usually busy doing other things and doesn't really have time for me.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see. You know, a company picnic would have been a perfect place to meet the people you work with in a very informal and stress free...
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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I'd really rather not talk about this, Doctor Balis. I don't mean to be rude, but it's not something that I want to discuss.
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Dr. Balis:
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Don't get upset, Nina. I'm just trying to understand why a company picnic would make you feel so unhappy. Would you mind explaining it to me a bit more, please?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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Well, I get so nervous around other people, even at family gatherings. For the Fourth of July, we had a big family party at my house. I ended up spending most of the time just watching them from my window.
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Dr. Balis:
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Does your family make you nervous?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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No, not really...not all of them, anyway. I have many distant cousins. Someone in my family is always getting married or has a new person in their life. It's those ones--the ones that I'm not familiar with--that make me feel...
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Dr. Balis:
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Scared?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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Yes. What if I walk out there and trip and fall flat on my face? It would be mortifying. They'd all think I was stupid and clumsy, and they would all laugh at me. I just couldn't handle that.
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Dr. Balis:
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These new people in your family, has there been anyone that you've gotten to know over time?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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There are a few. My Uncle Hector got married seven or eight years ago. His wife--my Aunt Alana--is very nice. She and I are friends now, I guess. I was around ten when they got married. I haven't had as much luck with other people who have come into our family.
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Dr. Balis:
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How come?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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Well, Rico's girlfriends never like me. They are always looking down their noses at me. I'm just not pretty enough to be their friend, I suppose. And then most of those date-types who attend family functions are so transient anyway. Why spend the time getting to know them just to have them snub me and then disappear forever?
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm. In our last session, we talked about the benefit of gaining knowledge and experience by meeting new people. Sometimes, it won't be pleasant. But it's not because of you and who you are. I think you'd be surprised to know just how many people around you have been hurt or snubbed by others in their lives. The important thing is to keep trying and not give up because of one bad experience. The world is a lonely place when you separate yourself from it. Wouldn't you agree?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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Yes, it does get lonely. I just feel so overshadowed by...uh, Doctor Balis? You won't share any of this with my mother, will you?
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Dr. Balis:
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What is said here stays between us. I will not tell your mother what we discuss, Nina. What is said here is kept in the strictest confidence. I'm bound by the rules of ethics which govern psychiatrists to keep your confidences. It's kind of a sacred trust, like that between a priest and a penitent. Anyway, your mother won't find out what we talk about here.
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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Hmm. You see I know my parents just wouldn't understand. I guess they can see it a bit, but I try to hide it.
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Dr. Balis:
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What are you trying to hide?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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I just feel so overshadowed by Rico. They baby him so much. He never gets in trouble. I know it sounds childish and petty, but he really is the favorite.
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Dr. Balis:
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The favorite?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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Yes. And why not? He's so good at everything. It's like he has the golden touch. He can do no wrong. I don't seem to be as...I don't know...as talented as he is. He's like Mama; he has a way of making a room light up by simply smiling. You can't help but like him.
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Dr. Balis:
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What do you think makes you are so different from your brother?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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I'm not like him. I'm not good at anything, Doctor Balis. Have you seen "Boogie Nights?"
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Dr. Balis:
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Pardon me?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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The movie. Have you seen "Boogie Nights?"
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Dr. Balis:
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No, I didn't see it.
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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I really liked that movie. There's this character, Dirk...anyway, when Dirk fought with his mother, that was great. He said that he was going to be a star, a bright shining star. And he made it. He said that everyone has something special, but I think he was wrong there.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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I think some people are just plain old boring.
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Dr. Balis:
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Do you know anyone like that?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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Huh?
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Dr. Balis:
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Well, is there anyone you can remember from school or can you think of a co-worker who you think of as boring? Do you know someone who lacks some special ability or a talent?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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Um...well, I never really thought about...
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Dr. Balis:
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Think back to high school. Can you recall anyone?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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Well, the computer club geeks were pretty boring.
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Dr. Balis:
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Let's be more specific. Can you think of a particular person from that computer club who was completely talentless and without any special abilities?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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Um, Tony Wendell was pretty boring. He was always doing things in the computer lab.
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Dr. Balis:
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Was he good with computers?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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I guess so. He was always trying to show me programs he developed.
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Dr. Balis:
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Would you say that he had a knack for computers?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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I see what you're saying, Doctor Balis. Computers were his special ability.
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Dr. Balis:
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I think when you look close, you'll find that everyone has a particular ability that makes him or her unique and special.
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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Hmm. So for example you--I think you are a very good listener. I know that some wouldn't think that was important. But I bet it's your special ability and it probably helps you help your patients.
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Dr. Balis:
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Thank you...
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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But then look at you, Doctor Balis. You're a handsome, well dressed, and intelligent man. You are very sure of yourself. Your confidence makes me jealous.
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Dr. Balis:
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Nina...
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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I don't like being the way I am. I don't like who I am.
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Dr. Balis:
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Here are some tissues, Nina. Would you like a drink of water?
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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No, I'll be fine.
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Dr. Balis:
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Take some deep breaths. Try to concentrate on steadying your breathing. There, much better.
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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I'm sorry, Doctor Balis.
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Dr. Balis:
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It's all right. We've been discussing some very difficult topics. And you've done wonderfully. It takes a lot of courage to share your innermost feelings.
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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I feel like I can trust you, Doctor Balis, and I don't trust people quickly or easily.
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Dr. Balis:
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Thank you, Nina. Now, we've had a very good session today. I'm very proud of you for sticking it out for the whole thing.
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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Thanks. It was hard.
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Dr. Balis:
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I know.
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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So, I'll see you in two weeks?
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Dr. Balis:
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Yes, that's July 30th at 10 am.
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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I'll be there, Doctor.
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Dr. Balis:
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Goodbye, Nina. Please call me if you need anything.
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Ms. Alvidrez:
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Thank you, Doctor Balis. Have a nice day.
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Dr. Balis:
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You too.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Nina Alvidrez's Communications
