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Ms. Green:
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Hello, Doctor.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hello, Anna. Oh god...
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Ms. Green:
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Don't freak out, Doctor. The neck-brace and the lump on my forehead are actually my fault.
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Dr. Balis:
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Okay. So what happened?
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Ms. Green:
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You don't mind if I stand today, do you Doctor Balis?
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Dr. Balis:
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No, go ahead and do what's most comfortable for you, Anna.
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Ms. Green:
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Thank you, Doctor. I'm a bit sore.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see. Is that your fault as well?
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Ms. Green:
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In a manner of thinking.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hurting a bit from the whipping?
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Ms. Green:
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Actually more like a lot.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see. Would you be more comfortable lying down?
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Ms. Green:
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No, I don't think so.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see. So would you like to tell me what happened to you or do you want me to guess?
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Ms. Green:
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No, I think I would rather tell you. The idea of you trying to guess scares me a bit.
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Dr. Balis:
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Uh huh.
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Ms. Green:
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Please look at me nicely, Doctor.
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Dr. Balis:
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I beg your pardon?
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Ms. Green:
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You have this look on your face; I feel bad enough as it is.
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Dr. Balis:
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Sorry, Anna. I'm just very concerned.
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Ms. Green:
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So let me start by saying that you were right.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Ms. Green:
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It was a very stupid idea. Ouch!
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Dr. Balis:
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What's wrong?
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Ms. Green:
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It hurts to lean on the window this way.
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Dr. Balis:
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May I suggest not leaning on the window?
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Ms. Green:
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Be nice to me, Doctor. I'm having problems maintaining my outwardly normal composure as it is.
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Dr. Balis:
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I can see that. Why don't you try telling me what happened last Friday? That's a good starting point, isn't it?
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Ms. Green:
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As I said, you were absolutely right and I shouldn't have done what I did.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did Gray hurt you?
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Ms. Green:
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I wish it was that simple. I mean it did hurt. When he was lashing me with his whip, it hurt a lot. But I was prepared for that and...that's not really the problem.
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Dr. Balis:
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What happened, Anna?
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Ms. Green:
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It was unbelievably emotional, Doctor. I was really unprepared for feeling that way.
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Dr. Balis:
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How did you feel?
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Ms. Green:
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Well, let me start at the beginning. I drove up to Gray's house late Friday evening, a bit later than we originally planned. He lives South of Market and I got a bit lost driving to his place.
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Dr. Balis:
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Kathy didn't go with you?
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Ms. Green:
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No. I didn't think it was appropriate. She knew that I was going there and if anything...well, you understand.
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Dr. Balis:
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No. What do you mean.
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Ms. Green:
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Well, Kathy was my silent partner. If she didn't hear from me the next morning, she was supposed to come and get me. She was my safety net.
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Dr. Balis:
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I understand, but why the next morning? Why so late?
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Ms. Green:
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It wasn't like Gray was a total stranger. And I somehow felt that having Kathy wait for my call at night wasn't appropriate--she wouldn't get any sleep and I felt that I was going to miss out on something.
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Dr. Balis:
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Like what?
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Ms. Green:
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That night was about doing something dangerous. I didn't want to take away from that feeling.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see.
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Ms. Green:
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When I got to Gray's, he yelled at me for being late. He said that he expects his bottoms to be on time. I was so shocked by his attitude that I almost left. But he ordered me to take off my clothes and follow him.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you?
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Ms. Green:
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I had to. I stripped off right there in his front hall. Everything had to come off including the leather corset I got just for that occasion--Gray wouldn't let me keep it on.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why not?
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Ms. Green:
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I was not allowed to ask. He made me march upstairs into a large attic space that was converted into a dungeon. It was a very strange place. All the lighting was located on the floor at either end of the room where the slanted walls that formed the roof met the floor. The lighting made these very extreme shadows. It was almost like when we were kids and we'd hold flashlights under our faces while telling a ghost story, but even more so. In the middle of the room there was a post. Gray took my wrists and tied them way over my head to the notches in the post. Then he made me spread my legs apart and tied each foot to a ring in the floor. I felt completely helpless. I didn't mind my arms being tied down like that. But having my legs spread apart was a very strange sensation.
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Dr. Balis:
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Can you describe it?
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Ms. Green:
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I don't know exactly. I think that women are just used to keeping their legs together. There are only a few opportunities during life's normal activities where you'd have your legs pulled apart like that.
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Dr. Balis:
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Was it a pleasurable experience?
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Ms. Green:
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It made me feel very much out of control. It made Gray bigger somehow, towering over me. I felt like he could do anything to me. It was very exciting.
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Dr. Balis:
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So you liked being tied down?
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Ms. Green:
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Yes, actually a lot. I got extremely wet waiting for Gray to get ready. There was a slight draft in the room from this window at one end. The window was closed, but I could feel the cold air giving me a chill on the wetness spreading down my inner thighs.
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Dr. Balis:
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Gray tied you up and left you alone?
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Ms. Green:
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Oh no. He was in the room. I watched him take out all these S&M toys and carefully lay them out onto this table. And I was perfectly comfortable. The knots on my wrists and feet didn't hurt.
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Dr. Balis:
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Okay.
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Ms. Green:
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Gray then stripped off his shirt. He was wearing these tight black leather pants. These were really tight. I could watch as he was getting turned on by me and what he was doing.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Ms. Green:
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I was facing the window and could see the entire downtown and the Bay Bridge. It was quite beautiful.
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Dr. Balis:
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No curtains?
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Ms. Green:
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There was no need--no one could see us. This was a pretty isolated part of town, especially at night and Gray even told me that I was free to be as loud as I was wanted to be--no one would hear.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see.
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Ms. Green:
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After what felt like a very long time, Gray approached me with this long black leather whip with braided ends. He caressed my skin with the whip, playing it across my arms and chest. I was so keyed-up from anticipation that I was ready to beg him to whip me.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you?
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Ms. Green:
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I couldn't--it was so exciting I felt breathless and couldn't utter a sound. Gray moved the whip between my thighs and I could feel the wet leather as it came out across my ass. And then suddenly he hit. It was a lot more painful then I imagined it was going to be. I thought it was going to sting, but this really hurt.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you want him to stop at that point?
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Ms. Green:
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I had gotten so far, I didn't want to stop then. He gave me two more lashes and then stopped. I had my eyes closed and couldn't see what he was doing, so I braced myself for more. But Gray told me to open my eyes--he moved a large mirror so that I could see myself from the side. He told me to look as he raised the whip and hit me across the back again. It was both frightening and arousing at the same time. He ordered me to thank him for his attentions, but I still couldn't talk. He hit me again. And then something happened. I got my voice back and could hear myself screaming, a really high pitch scream like in a horror movie. He hit me twice more. I could see how turned on he was in the mirror. He told me that he was going to fuck my face now. To my horror, I could feel my mouth water at the suggestion.
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Dr. Balis:
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I thought that you only wanted the experience of being whipped?
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Ms. Green:
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I know. But I was really overwhelmed. I wanted to suck him so bad. Before I knew it, or really even had time to think about it, I was on my knees in front of Gray with my arms still tied together and...
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Dr. Balis:
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Do you regret what you did?
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Ms. Green:
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It was the first time in my life that I cheated on someone.
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Dr. Balis:
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You mean Martin?
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Ms. Green:
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I still can't believe that I'm capable of doing something like that to someone I cared so much about. When I was driving home from Gray's that night, I felt this horrible shame. But then I got very angry. This was all Martin's fault! He actually encouraged me to go out and seek sexual satisfaction with another man. Martin and I haven't even had sex yet!
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Dr. Balis:
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So are you feeling guilty?
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Ms. Green:
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No! I feel angry. I think Martin knowingly drove me to commit infidelity. If it wasn't for him, I would still be the kind of person who would never ever cheat on a lover.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you speak to Martin about this?
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Ms. Green:
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When I got home, there was a message from him on my answering machine. He wanted to know how it went. So I picked up the phone and let him know!
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Dr. Balis:
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I see. How did Martin take it?
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Ms. Green:
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The bastard was just fine about it! I mean how can he care about me if he wants me to sleep with other men? Anyway, you'll be relieved to know that Martin and I are no longer together.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see.
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Ms. Green:
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I spent the weekend with Kathy nursing my wounds. She is a great nurse.
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Dr. Balis:
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How did you injure your neck and head?
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Ms. Green:
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Oh, right. I had a car accident.
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Dr. Balis:
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What?
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Ms. Green:
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I was driving to Kathy's place the next day, but I was too sore to really sit down in the seat. So I was trying to drive while sort of standing up. Anyway, it didn't work really well. San Francisco's roads are so steep anyway...well, there was this bump and I hit a streetlight.
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Dr. Balis:
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Streetlight?
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Ms. Green:
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The streetlight was fine. But I hit the windshield with my head and then smashed back into the driver's seat really hard--hence the whiplash.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you see a doctor?
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Ms. Green:
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Kathy took me to the emergency room. I'm all right, just a bit sore.
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Dr. Balis:
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All right. I guess it could have been worse.
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Ms. Green:
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Oh, I don't know. I didn't even get amnesia or something out of it. Wouldn't that be great? "Doctor, I just don't know why I have these bruises on my back."
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Dr. Balis:
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You're bruised?
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Ms. Green:
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Oh...you want to see?
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Dr. Balis:
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No, I can imagine.
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Ms. Green:
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No, it's no problem. Here. It looks worse then it feels, Doctor.
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Dr. Balis:
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Okay. Put your shirt back on.
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Ms. Green:
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Look, it's late. I'm going to go home. It was a hard week. You can't imagine how it is to go to work like this. My job requires sitting. I have to go to elaborate measures to avoid it.
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Dr. Balis:
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How did you explain this at work?
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Ms. Green:
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I said that I was in a car accident. People were very sympathetic actually.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see.
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Ms. Green:
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I'll see you next week, Doctor.
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Dr. Balis:
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Okay. Take care of yourself, Anna.
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Ms. Green:
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You keep saying that, Doctor. Goodbye.
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Dr. Balis:
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Goodbye, Anna.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Anna Green's Communications
