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Ms. Green:
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She bought a car.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hello, Anna. Please sit down. What?
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Ms. Green:
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The bitch bought a car. A black Honda station wagon thing.
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Dr. Balis:
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Kathy bought a car?
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Ms. Green:
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It sort of makes sense for her. She has to carry this huge bag with all the props for her S&M services--chains, whips, ropes, handcuffs, lubricants...a dungeon in a suitcase.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hold on a second, Anna. Are you telling me that you approve of this purchase? Kathy was supposed to have used the money she was earning to move out of your house.
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Ms. Green:
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Well, she has all these clients, and it's not like they are conveniently located next to public transportation.
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Dr. Balis:
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It doesn't matter where her clients live. That's her problem, not yours.
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Ms. Green:
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You're absolutely right, Doctor. And I let her have it, really.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see. So now Kathy doesn't have money to move out, right?
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Ms. Green:
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Well...
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Dr. Balis:
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You don't seem to be upset enough about this.
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Ms. Green:
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I was...I am. But what am I supposed to do now? She just came home last Sunday in this thing. She was so happy. It's her first car. And it's nice. She didn't go and get some stupid red sports thing; she was very sensible. This is a car that even a Wells Fargo VP wouldn't be too freaked about having in his driveway. It's totally forgettable. She really thought this through.
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Dr. Balis:
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How's that?
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Ms. Green:
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She said that there was no way she would have been able to afford a car once she moved out of my house.
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Dr. Balis:
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So she made you subsidize her car purchase. Great.
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Ms. Green:
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I guess that's one way of looking at it.
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Dr. Balis:
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Do you have another?
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Ms. Green:
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Oh, don't be so disappointed in me, Doctor. What am I supposed to do? Make her give it back? It's a done deal. I just hope that now she can get it together to earn enough money to get a place to live soon. She knows she owes me big.
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Dr. Balis:
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So you are just going to let this pass?
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Ms. Green:
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I don't think I have much choice. And Kathy told me that now that she has a car, she can do more sessions and...it's going to be all right.
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Dr. Balis:
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I hope so. How about your parents' visit?
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Ms. Green:
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They want to come down for the Fourth of July.
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Dr. Balis:
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Does that give Kathy enough time to move out?
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Ms. Green:
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God. I'll burn that bridge when I come to it, Doctor. Can we talk about something else?
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Dr. Balis:
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Why? What's on your mind?
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Ms. Green:
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Martin has got a new girlfriend.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see. And does that bother you?
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Ms. Green:
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Well...
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Dr. Balis:
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It does. You told me that now that he is out of your life, you are relieved and happy. You said that you were happy that things didn't work out between the two of you. So why does his current love life bother you? Why do you care?
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Ms. Green:
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It's not so much that he's fucking someone else, Doctor. I don't particularly care whose toes he sucks on. It's the fact itself that bothers me.
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm not sure I follow.
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Ms. Green:
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It's been...what? A couple of months?
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Dr. Balis:
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You moved out in January.
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Ms. Green:
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Six months.
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Dr. Balis:
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Are you unhappy that he didn't have a long enough grieving period after you left him?
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Ms. Green:
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There's a little of that. But mostly it's that I'm not seeing anyone.
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Dr. Balis:
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How is Martin's social life related to yours?
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Ms. Green:
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Come on, Doctor. You know.
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Dr. Balis:
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Are you jealous of Martin?
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Ms. Green:
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I just hate the fact that he managed to find someone and I didn't. I'm far better looking than he is. I'm more sociable. I'm definitely nicer. So what gives? Why does he get to have someone to hold him at night and I get to sleep all alone? I don't want to be alone, Doctor.
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Dr. Balis:
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You are not alone, unfortunately. You have Kathy.
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Ms. Green:
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Yeah, yeah. And I have all these friends at work that I can hang out with.
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Dr. Balis:
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Anna...
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Ms. Green:
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Most people my age are married or at least in a stable relationship.
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Dr. Balis:
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I don't believe that most twenty-seven year olds are in stable monogamous relationships. Give it time, Anna. It will happen to you, too.
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Ms. Green:
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I have been giving it time. I'm tired of giving it time. All the men I meet have been psychotic in one way or another. I'm not interested in sleeping around, and I'm not interested in casual dating, even though that has its thrills. I want to be in love. I function better when I'm in love. With all the faults that my relationship with Martin had, I think I was a better person then.
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Dr. Balis:
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How so?
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Ms. Green:
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Oh, in many ways. In a lot of small ways. I slept better, for instance. I ate better. I worked better.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hold on, Anna. Think back on how it actually was when you were living with Martin. You had tons of problems. It's not my recollection that you were eating and sleeping better. As I remember, you were completely stressed out. Because of the lapse of time, I think you are editing out the unpleasant memories and only recalling the good ones, however few they may have actually been.
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Ms. Green:
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I don't know. But why can he find someone and I can't? I heard her talking about just how much in love she was with him. It's been only six months.
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Dr. Balis:
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You've met this woman?
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Ms. Green:
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She is one of the secretaries or something at SII. Her feet don't even match the type that Martin likes so much.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see.
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Ms. Green:
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But she's all glowing and happy. She was saying that it's not everyday you meet such a smart man who is so tender and caring. I guess she really wants a guy who'll spend all his free time worshiping at her feet, literally.
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Dr. Balis:
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But you didn't like that part.
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Ms. Green:
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Yeah.
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Dr. Balis:
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You barely tolerated Martin's feet worshiping.
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Ms. Green:
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Yeah.
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Dr. Balis:
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So?
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Ms. Green:
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I guess she's into it.
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Dr. Balis:
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Maybe she is. But you shouldn't care, Anna. You are free of him, and it's a good thing--you said it yourself.
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Ms. Green:
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Yeah. I want someone to be in love with me and to make love to me, Doctor. What's wrong with me?
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Dr. Balis:
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There's nothing wrong with you, Anna. You are a beautiful, intelligent woman. And you also just came out of a very emotionally stressful relationship.
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Ms. Green:
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Are you saying that if I met someone good now, I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with him because I'm too fucked up over Martin?
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Dr. Balis:
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No. But you are just finding yourself again...
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Ms. Green:
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I didn't feel particularly lost.
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Dr. Balis:
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All right. Perhaps you didn't. But you experimented with a very alternative life style, and you are just regaining your...
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Ms. Green:
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If you think that I've given up S&M for good, you're mistaken, Doctor. I'm not saying that I'm interested in a total fanatical S&M thing, but I like some aspects of it. I like playing and giving up control and power during sex. Maybe not all the time, but I like being tied down and...I'll never forget that evening with Gray.
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Dr. Balis:
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Are you thinking of seeing him again?
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Ms. Green:
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No. No, Doctor. I realize that what happened with Gray was wrong. But...
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Dr. Balis:
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What are you thinking?
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Ms. Green:
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Nothing, really.
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Dr. Balis:
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I don't believe that. You have something in mind. What is it, Anna?
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Ms. Green:
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I was just thinking that I could go to an S&M party and do it. I've never really played with anyone but Martin and...
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Dr. Balis:
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Do you want to do it with a stranger?
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Ms. Green:
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Well, I know these people. They're not complete strangers. And I'm not sure I want any penetration anyway. Maybe I'll just go and watch. I liked watching.
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Dr. Balis:
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You liked watching Kathy?
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Ms. Green:
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Yes. Sick, isn't it?
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Dr. Balis:
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A lot of people are sexually stimulated by voyeurism.
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Ms. Green:
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I guess. Never mind, Doctor. I'm just talking. I'm upset over Martin. And I have to get used to the idea of Kathy being around for a few more weeks. I'm tired. I'm tired emotionally. I wish I had someone I could hold close to me. Don't worry, Doctor, I won't ask you.
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Dr. Balis:
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Anna...
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Ms. Green:
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It's time. I'll see you next week, Doctor Balis. Thank you for listening to me. And don't worry, I'm fine.
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Dr. Balis:
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Call me if you need to.
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Ms. Green:
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I will. Good night.
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Dr. Balis:
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Good night, Anna.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Anna Green's Communications
