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Mr. Jenkins:
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Excuse me? You wouldn't happen to be a...uh...Dr. Charles Balis would you?
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Dr. Balis:
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As a matter of fact I would be the Doctor. You wouldn't be Mr. Decker Jenkins?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Oh please...please call me Decker. That whole concept of Mister scares the hell out of me.
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Dr. Balis:
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Okay, Decker it is then. Why does the concept of the title Mister scare you?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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It makes me feel like I should be a dad or something. I mean, not that it's bad to be a dad...I guess, but I guess it makes me feel older than I already am.
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Dr. Balis:
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You look like a very young man, Decker. How old are you?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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I just turned 26 on the 8th of this month. I know, I know...that's not old. You don't need to tell me that, Dr. Balis, I hear it all the time from Karen. It's just that I feel like my life has been happening forever. Karen tells me that time will never end, and that scares me. I mean, come on, everything has a starting point and an ending point. Doesn't it?
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Dr. Balis:
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Well I suppose that depends on who you talk to. May I ask who Karen is?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Karen is my mother, but please don't let her know that I called her my mother. She gets very upset when I do that. I remember when I was five, I called her mommy. Holy Jesus she had a fit. I didn't understand why--I mean she was my mommy. I had to hide under my bed so she would stop whipping me with her belt. Let me tell you, Doc, I didn't make that mistake too often after that. I'm sorry; I'm getting pretty deep already. I hope you don't mind my calling you Doc. I mean it is a title and all.
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Dr. Balis:
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You call me whatever makes you comfortable. As far as me telling your mother...
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Please, Doctor, call her Karen. Hearing her referred to as "Mother" sends a few cold spikes through my back, if you know what I mean. You probably don't, but please--Karen.
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm sorry, Decker. I'll try to refer to her as Karen from here on out, okay?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Thank you. You must think I am a lunatic. I almost didn't come today because I was afraid you would send me to some institution like that place in the movie starring Jack Nicholson...oh what the hell is the name of that movie!
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Dr. Balis:
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Relax, Decker, it's going to be all right. I won't be sending you to an institution, and the movie is called "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest."
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Yeah, that's it! I'm sorry, Doctor. I guess I have a bit of Karen's temper flowing through my veins. Yeah, "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest." What a great movie, but very frightening. I mean, it would have to be terrible to be locked up in some hell-hole where everyone there thinks you are nuts, and you feel like you are perfectly normal. But you can't leave because they won't let you. It would be like a great big game. You playing crazy so that you fit in, but trying to act like you are getting better so they let you go. Because in those places if you act like a normal human being, they think you are even crazier. It doesn't make sense to me. Another thing, how the hell are you supposed to be, quote unquote, normal with all those drugs they pump through your body. Doc, please stop me. I'm doing it again.
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Dr. Balis:
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What are you doing again?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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I'm analyzing things way too much, more than I should, anyway. I've always done that. Looking at things in greater depth than other people. Maybe it goes back to all the times that I spent in my room with nothing to do but think. Karen wouldn't let me have any toys or anything. No television, no books, no radio, nothing but me and my brain to question everything. And it drives me crazy not being able to find the answer to things. I search and search my brain until the answer comes, but I only find myself reaching deeper and deeper, finding more and more things to question. I honestly think I am helping myself go insane.
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Dr. Balis:
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It's all right to question things. But sometimes you must realize that our minds can't comprehend everything that happens to us.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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I don't always agree with that. Look at how much of our brain we don't use. There has to be more that we can do. I am obsessed with finding out how to use that part of my mind. I'm rambling, Doctor. I can sit here and discuss this with you, and a million other things, all day long but I'm sure you would get bored nor do you have the time.
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Dr. Balis:
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We can discuss anything you want, Decker. That's what you're here for. As far as my time goes, we don't have to discuss everything today. We can schedule other appointments.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Well, I want to try to stop analyzing everything for right now. I just get on these rampages.
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Dr. Balis:
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OK. So tell me a little about your father.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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He doesn't exist. Karen has never mentioned him and I only asked about him once. I had to hide again. I have a picture in my mind of what kind of person he was, but I honestly don't know if I'm even close to being right. I see him as a liar and a cheat. A man that only wanted to get laid and found Karen to do it. He did her and she never saw him again. I was a result of their lust. And obviously not wanted by Karen. He is the only thing I try not to find an answer to.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why is that?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Because it's easier not to know.
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Dr. Balis:
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Well, don't you think that you could apply that theory to everything else you question?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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That is very good, Doctor. I never really thought about that. I may have to try that when I go crazy with analyzing things. I guess Simian was right about coming to see you.
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Dr. Balis:
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Who is Simian?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Did I mention him? Oh man...you are going to send me to an institution after this one.
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Dr. Balis:
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Come on now, Decker. I am not going to send you to an institution. Let's get that fear out of the way right now. I'm not here to judge you and anything you tell me here, except in the most extreme circumstances, will not leave the confines of this room. My job is to help you with your problems. But I can only do that if you trust that I'm not going to use what I learn through these sessions to injure you. So do I have your trust, Decker? If you feel you can't trust me, I can refer you to another doctor that you may find more to your liking.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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No, no, Doctor. I trust you. Simian specifically told me to meet with you. He said you would be the only one that may be able to help. So, if you'll have me, I'd like to keep meeting with you.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's fine, Decker. Now tell me about Simian.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Okay, but this may take a while.
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Dr. Balis:
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Well you go ahead and start, and if the session ends and you haven't finished, we'll pick it up the next time you come to see me. Sound all right?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Okay. Well, I met Simian when I was 12. Karen was gone that night. I didn't know where she was. It wasn't unusual for her to leave for a couple of days at a time. Not until I was old enough did I realize that she was on one of her screwfests with whoever had caught her eye at the time. Anyway, it was about 12:30 am and there was a knock at the door. I looked out the peephole and saw an old man. He looked to be, in my young estimation, about 100 years old. He was much shorter than I was then and he hunched over. He had only a couple of long hairs flowing out of his head and his face looked like an old catcher's mitt. But he had these mesmerizing green eyes that looked directly at me through the peephole. I instantly felt at peace with him and knew that the old man was too old to do me any physical harm, and I knew that he had no intention of harming me anyway. So I opened the door and he called me by name. He told me that Karen was fine and she would be home in a few hours, but he wanted to talk to me before she returned. I just nodded and he came in and sat--well actually fell--into a chair near a small lamp that cast a shadow over his face. I remember thinking that the shadow made him look much younger and more handsome. His eyes glowed as he told me to come sit down with him and have a chat.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did this man scare you?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Not at all. As a matter of fact, it was the first time I was able to remember that I was not afraid of something. I had no questions, either. I somehow knew that he would have an answer for any question I asked him. I wasn't able to come up with one. Are you sure you want me to continue? This, I'm afraid, is going to get a little sketchy for you and Simian tells me that you will have many questions.
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Dr. Balis:
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Well we are beginning to run out of time so if you would like to stop here, we can continue during our next session.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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That sounds good. There is just so much to tell.
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Dr. Balis:
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Well, we can get to that. What I want you to do until we meet again is to try and relax a little. I've noticed all this tension coursing through your body. When you begin to ponder, take a couple of deep breaths and try to tell yourself that it's all right not to be able to answer every question you wonder about. Okay?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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I'll do my best. It won't be easy.
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Dr. Balis:
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Just try. When can we meet again?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Well, I'm a bartender so I have a pretty screwy schedule. It's not even set, so I will have to call and let you know.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's fine. Here is my card. You can call me for any reason. It's not only for making appointments.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Thank you, Dr. Balis. Simian told me you would help.
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Dr. Balis:
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I'll see real soon, Decker. Thank you for coming. Goodbye, Decker, and try to remember to just relax.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Thank you. Goodbye for now.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Decker Jenkins' Communications
