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Mr. Jenkins:
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Hello, Dr. Balis.
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Dr. Balis:
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Ah...Decker, It's nice to see you. I was wondering if I'd ever hear from you again.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Well...I hope it's all right that I came today. My schedule at work allowed me to come back today at 10:00am. I think I'll be able to make it next Thursday at ten and then on every Thursday thereafter...if that's all right?
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Dr. Balis:
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I think that'll work just fine. Please come in and get comfortable. How have you been this week?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Not too bad, I guess, all things considered.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh? Was there a problem?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Well, I've been thinking all week about my mentioning Simian during our first session. I had no intention of ever mentioning his name. It's just I got all wrapped up in whatever delusion I created and...well you know.
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Dr. Balis:
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Wait. Start from the beginning, Decker. I'm a little lost.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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I'm afraid if I tell you, you won't be able to trust me, that you'll tell me that you won't be able to help me any longer. You see, I don't talk much to people, at least not about important things. I talk to people at work, but half the time they're too inebriated to realize that they're slurring and slinging their spit all over my counter--the same counter that I just wiped up from the last drunk bastard who just staggered out of there. The point is, you're the only person that I've found in a long time that actually responds in an intelligent way to me. The problem is that when I find someone like you, I start off telling the truth, then I get into this elaborate story that ends up with me or Simian being some alien that's come to melt the brains of all humans. Sounds pretty stupid, huh?
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Dr. Balis:
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Well, that's not the word I would use. I'm still not sure what it is you are trying to tell me. Are you saying that Simian doesn't exist?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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No, not at all. He very much exists. It's just that I've never seen him. I just talk to him. That whole description about our first encounter is false. Completely fabricated. I'm sorry, Dr. Balis. It's just...it's just I don't know how to talk to people. I guess I've got to make my life seem more interesting to people than it actually is. I mean, come on! I go to work. I come home. I sit on my bed and wonder about the way the universe works or whatever happens to be on my mind. I may get an hour or two of sleep if I'm lucky, then I repeat it all over again the next day. I have no adventure--nothing to tell people about. I mean what am I supposed to say when someone asks how my weekend went? "Oh well, I sat on my bed thinking about what would happen if World War Three started and I survived the war." People would think I was a total freak. But that might be the truth. So I make up stories to get their attention, then get so deep that I end up making them think I'm a freak anyway. Besides, people don't have anything interesting to say anyway, especially women. Little tramps with their tits staring me in the face, knowing that they would never let me see them...let alone feel them.
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Dr. Balis:
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Relax Decker...it's okay. We're getting a little ahead of ourselves here. We'll get to all of this later. I want to stay on Simian for awhile. Is that all right?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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You mean you're still going to keep me as a patient after lying to you?
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Dr. Balis:
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Decker, it really doesn't matter that you lied. We just need to figure out why you lied and a way to keep you from doing it again during our sessions. I'd also like to try to help you communicate better with other people.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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You truly are a generous man, Dr. Balis. Simian was right; I like you. That's a great compliment. I don't like too many people. Actually, I don't like anyone, now that I think about it. Simian is the only one, and he has been pinching that last nerve for quite some time now. Sometimes I wish he would just shut the fuck up. Oh my God! I'm so sorry, Dr. Balis. I didn't mean to swear like that. It just comes out sometimes.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's quite all right, Decker. I even use those words myself every once in a while. Now you said you've never seen Simian? When does he talk to you?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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He is always talking to me. When I sit on the bed, he tells me what to think about. When I go to work, he tells me who to serve first and so on. He never shuts up. He even talks to me when I'm here. He tries to tell me what to say. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see. How long has he been with you?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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That's funny. Simian just told me you were going to ask that.
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Dr. Balis:
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What does he say to tell me?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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He says to tell you the truth; there can't be any harm in telling the truth at this point. He first talked to me...I would say I was about twelve or thirteen. It's funny, he doesn't talk nearly as much when I'm here. He only has a few comments here and there.
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Dr. Balis:
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Has he ever asked you to harm yourself or anyone else?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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He's telling me to lie. I don't really know how to answer that. I'm going to tell you the truth, Doctor, since I already paid for what happened. Yes he has.
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Dr. Balis:
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Can you tell me about it?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Well, when I was eighteen, I worked in a warehouse at a lumber company. I got home from work early because I had stepped on a nail that went entirely through my foot. I wasn't able to work for a week because of that one. Anyway, when I got home, Karen was on the couch with some other woman. They both were completely naked. Freaked my shit out! I was stunned. It also, incidentally, was the first time I had seen a naked women before. Of course I got an erection, which infuriated Karen. By the time I realized what was going on, the other woman was running out of the room and Karen was swinging the belt over her head. The belt wrapped around my head and the buckle caught me under the eye and ripped my face open. The fucking bitch. Oh God! I did it again.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's all right, Decker. Please continue.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Well anyway, I ran to my room and locked the door. As I was sitting there trying to stop the bleeding, Simian told me that I should hit her back. After a couple of hours contemplating that, I limped into the living room and just punched Karen on the chin.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's pretty drastic. Was she hurt?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Yeah...I broke her jaw. Her mouth was wired shut for two months. I got to spend three months in county. The little whore pressed charges. I was in for assault.
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Dr. Balis:
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Is that the only time you've been physical with Karen?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Well, with Simian always riding me about not putting up with her, and Karen always riding me about, well everything, it gets very difficult to hold in those hot flashes of anger and hatred. I've slapped her a few times, mostly though it has just been shoving. Nothing as serious as that first time. She still beats on me just as much.
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Dr. Balis:
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How often would you say you strike Karen?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Maybe once or twice a month. Nothing too drastic.
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Dr. Balis:
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Well, Decker, it seems to me that if Simian is urging you to hurt Karen, there's a problem.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Jesus Christ, Doctor. You're making it sound like I'm a goddamn serial killer or something. I just hit the bitch in self-defense.
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm not calling you anything, Decker, and I'm not defending Karen. It sounds like she has treated you very badly.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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That's quite a profound discovery, Dr. Balis. What gave you the impression that I grew up in a stable household in the first fucking place? I haven't told you anything about the shit I've been through. The bitch is lucky she isn't dead. Shit, I'm getting all worked up. I can hardly breathe. Damn. If I keep this shit up, you'll lock me up in some funny farm.
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Dr. Balis:
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Just try to relax, Decker. I wasn't condemning you, nor was I defending Karen. I'm just listening to you tell me your story. Maybe together we can develop some strategies to help you cope with the anger you feel suffering from Karen's abuse. And I'd like you to consider trying some medications which I've found to be effective in situations similar to yours.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Can you do something to get Simian out of my mind? I mean I love the man dearly, but...damn, just shut up! Please, for five minutes. Let me think for a minute. No, I won't relax, old man. I told you that I will not get into that with the Doctor yet. Because I don't think it's the right time...
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Dr. Balis:
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Decker, try and breathe in slowly...
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Mr. Jenkins:
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I've told you what I would do if you continue to bring up that ridiculous shit again. Don't threaten you? Who's eating my brain? It sure as hell isn't me. Now don't you threaten me, Simian. I can terminate you with just the twitch of a trigger finger. That always gets him to shut up.
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Dr. Balis:
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Decker? I want you to listen to me right now. Please take a deep breath and settle down. I need to be able to talk to you. That's better. I know that your life is a little strained right now, but you need to take a deep breath and try to relax. Good.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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I'm sorry, Doctor. I have to do that every once in a while to get Simian off my back. He just won't shut up sometimes. I know you are going to throw me into some funny farm at some point. It's inevitable. I try and try to relax myself, but the pressure of Simian riding me--and Karen.... I sometimes want to just pull the trigger, you know, Doctor?
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Dr. Balis:
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Decker, I'm going to do my best to help you, but we're going to have to set some ground rules. First, I can't help you if you are going to try to commit suicide. I know that you're concerned that I am going to force you into a mental hospital. I'll only do that without your consent if I think you are an imminent danger to yourself or to others. So please don't threaten suicide. Second, you have a lot of anger towards Karen, mostly, and I want to work with you on ways to cope with that anger. Third, I am very concerned that Simian is interfering with your ability to think for yourself. The way to deal with Simian is through medication. The medication can give you back some control.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Dr. Balis, please help me. I'm scared that I will hurt someone or myself.
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Dr. Balis:
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You've made it to the first step. You've realized that you need some sort of help and I'm willing to provide that. But I need you to help me as well. I need you to follow through with my recommendations. Can you do that for me?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Can I take a few days to think about it? You know me, I've got to work it out in my mind first.
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Dr. Balis:
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Decker, I'm worried that with Simian interfering, you really won't have an opportunity to think it through for yourself. You said that being here in this office reduces Simian's influence somewhat, but I've just seen you having to threaten suicide just to be able to think for a minute. How about you sit here and think here for a bit, while I write you a prescription?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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I can't do that, Doctor. Look, I promise I will think it through. And I will be here on Thursday at this time, next week.
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Dr. Balis:
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How about I give you a prescription right now. If you can work it out in your mind before our next session, then get it filled and start taking it as soon as possible. I'll give you this patient information pamphlet to help you, and the dosage instructions will be on the box, okay? And remember, I'm available anytime. If you need anything, you can call my answering service day or night and they'll get a hold of me.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Thank you, Dr. Balis. I'll be in touch.
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Dr. Balis:
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Goodbye, Decker, and please don't wait too long on the medication. I think you'll be very pleased with the results. I really think that you'll feel a lot better--like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Okay, I'm thinking about it.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Decker Jenkins' Communications
