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Mr. Jenkins:
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Hello, Doctor Balis. Sorry about last week. I didn't really want to cancel, but dad wanted to take me all over Northern California that day. He convinced me that one missed session wasn't going to send me on a killing spree.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's all right, Decker. I'm glad you called and let me know instead of just not showing up.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Well, I think I've done that enough to you in the past.
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Dr. Balis:
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So, how is your relationship going with your father?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Well, it's going okay, I guess. It's just that...I don't know...I have no idea what to talk to him about. He's a very successful man with lots of money that he's been throwing at me the entire time he was here. But money just isn't what I want from him. Don't get me wrong, Doc, it sure is helping quite a bit at the moment, but I think that's how he's trying to show me his love, and it's just not working.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you talk to him about that?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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No, I hardly had time to talk. He did all the talking.
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Dr. Balis:
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What did he talk about?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Basically, he talked about his life with Karen. They met in the summer of '68--you know, the summer of love? Anyway, Karen was a hippie, he said. From the time he met her, she was heavy into drugs like marijuana, LSD, and that sort of thing. He was going to school in California, and they just kind of hooked up. He said he was able to curb Karen's drug habits, however she just wouldn't give up marijuana. They ended up getting married in early August of 1970, because they found out Karen was pregnant with little old me. He said Karen smoked dope the entire pregnancy, and then I was born in April of '71. I guess that's when most of their problems started. He said Karen paid no attention to me--she acted like I never existed. He was the one that woke up in the middle of the night and fed me and changed my diapers. Anyway, to make a long story short, she wouldn't quit the drugs, so he left. When he tried to take me, she threatened to kill me and him. So he just left. He said he was afraid of her.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm. How does that make you feel?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Well, I don't really know the man and never have. Life with Karen is all I ever knew. I can't really say how I feel. Sure, I'm a little angry with him for not fighting for me. But I don't really know if I would have had a better life with him. I get the impression that he works all the time, so he probably wouldn't have been there for me either. Maybe I just would've experienced less abuse with him. But I don't know.
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Dr. Balis:
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There's more than just physical abuse, Decker.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Yeah, I guess you're right. Anyway, let's move on. I'm tired of talking about that. Plus, I have a couple of other things that I'd like to discuss with you before my session ends.
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Dr. Balis:
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Okay, Decker. What's on your mind?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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First off, I said I would tell you about Pam. Hold onto your seat, Doctor, this is going to blow you away.
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Dr. Balis:
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Shoot.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Well, like I said before, I stayed with Pam while I was in Chicago. First, she was a lot of fun. She took me to a lot of great places. We had fun. Then, she started to get a little frisky with me--holding my hand, giving me little pecks on the cheek, that sort of thing. Then one night, I was sleeping on the couch, and she came in and started playing with me. I didn't know what to do, so I acted like I was still asleep. One thing lead to another, and next thing I knew I was inside her. Very freaky, Doctor. I continued to act like I was asleep, which was very difficult. I just didn't know what to do. Anyway, she finished or I did--I don't really know who was first. Are you following me, Doctor?
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Dr. Balis:
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Yes, I think I know what you mean.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Well, the next morning, she asked me if I thought she was pretty. I told her that she was very pretty. She then took off her robe--she was completely naked. I instantly became aroused, and she noticed and took advantage of the fact. Doc, she did things to me that morning that I never thought of. It was very enjoyable.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you use protection, Decker?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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No, why?
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Dr. Balis:
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Well, there are a lot of diseases out there that can cause serious health problems like AIDS. These are transmitted...
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Mr. Jenkins:
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She promised me that she got checked every six months and that she was clean. She knew I was a virgin, so she wasn't concerned. And it just happened--I had no control over the situation.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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I could get tested, if you like. Anyway, this continued for the rest of the time that I was in Chicago. It was a fuck-fest, Doc. So when it came time to leave and come back here, Pam freaked out. She screamed and yelled about how I just used her for a little puss and then I was going to leave her. She went so far as to say I raped her. That's when I called you and said that I thought I might be in some trouble. I left that day and haven't heard from her since. For all I know, there's a warrant for my arrest in Chicago.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you rape her, Decker?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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No! Not at all. If anything, she raped me.
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Dr. Balis:
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I believe you. But this can be very serious, Decker.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Well, I'm not about to call her and ask if she went to the police with her story. I haven't heard anything, and dad said he hasn't heard anything. So I think I'm okay. None the less, I'm no longer a virgin, Doctor. Isn't that great?
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm very happy for you. But I'm also concerned. I would like for you to get checked out--get tested for AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. While I believe your story, Pam seems to be a very unstable individual. You might in fact be in trouble with Chicago's Police Department.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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But I told you, no crime was committed. I didn't do anything!
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Dr. Balis:
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And I believe that. Let's just wait and see what, if anything, develops. We'll deal with more when there's a need to deal with it. So let's move on for now. Is there something else you specifically wanted to discuss with me?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Well, this is the exciting stuff. I met another woman. She's great and very beautiful. I met her at the bar. I went in to talk to Mr. Knopff, and she just approached me. She talked a lot. She likes baseball. She mentioned that there was some exhibit somewhere in town that had baseball stuff, and I agreed to meet her there. But there's a problem.
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Dr. Balis:
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What is it?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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I'm a little nervous. I really like this girl--she's not like others. But I'm not sure if I'm going to go.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why not?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Just because I don't know what her intentions are. Besides, she probably won't even show up.
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Dr. Balis:
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You don't know that. I think you should go. If she's not there, fine. But if she does show up, you would have made another friend. It would be good if you had a friend to talk to. What's her name?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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That's the funny part--I met her before in the bar. Her name is Christina. Do you remember I was telling you about the girl that came in and ordered a Double Bock some time ago? Well, it was her. She looks slightly different, but as soon as I saw her, I knew it was her. I acted like I didn't remember her. I still don't know why I did that. I guess I was nervous. I think this can go somewhere, Doc.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's very interesting. But I think you shouldn't develop very high expectations from this relationship. Just a moment ago, you were telling me that you didn't even want to go to a date that you've already set up with this woman. And now, you're talking about a possible serious relationship. Take it easy. This is just a social encounter, nothing more. Go the baseball show and see what happens. Don't put any pressure on yourself or this woman, okay? Well, Decker, we're almost out of time. How is the medication coming?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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I'm taking it, if that's what you're asking.
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Dr. Balis:
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And Simian?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Gone. I haven't heard from him for a few days.
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Dr. Balis:
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And how's your mood been lately? Any bad feelings?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Not really. Just a couple of downs, but nothing terrible.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's good. Keep up with the medication, okay?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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I will. I promised you, and I keep my promises.
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Dr. Balis:
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Good. Do you have any more writings for me?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Yeah. Just one, though. Here it is.
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Dr. Balis:
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Thank you. So do you want to make this time our regular time?
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Mr. Jenkins:
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Yes, I would, if you don't mind.
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Dr. Balis:
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Then I'll see you here next Thursday at 10 am.
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Mr. Jenkins:
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I'll be here. Goodbye, Doctor Balis.
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Dr. Balis:
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Goodbye, Decker.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Decker Jenkins' Communications
