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Dr. Balis:
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Hello, Sharon.
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Ms. Lough:
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Hi. I guess Rob told you, huh?
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Dr. Balis:
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Yes, I spoke to him. He told me he was going to bail you out of jail.
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Ms. Lough:
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Are you going to help write a case history for my lawyer? Or are you going to have me locked up?
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Dr. Balis:
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I'd like to know what happened.
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Ms. Lough:
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I thought Rob told you what happened.
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Dr. Balis:
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I want to hear it from you.
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Ms. Lough:
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Do you know that list of a hundred best films? I read a magazine article about featuring an interview with Pauline Kael; she was a critic for the New Yorker. I've been reading one of her books--a collection of her reviews. This woman is full of shit! Where the fuck does this dried-up old cunt get off dissing Woody Allen?
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Dr. Balis:
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I fail to see how this relates to your recent drug experimentation.
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Ms. Lough:
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I knew a film student who raved about how great she was. I'd always wanted to read her reviews, and now I wish I hadn't. I don't think I'll be able to enjoy movies the same way anymore. "Hannah and Her Sisters" was one of my favorite films of all time. I watched it over and over again. Kael had the unmitigated gall to say that the characterizations were thin. She called Bukowski a "poseur" in her review of "Barfly." Blasphemy! Bukowski's more of a real writer than she could ever be.
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Dr. Balis:
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Let's try to stay on the subject.
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Ms. Lough:
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I'm getting to the point. Pauline Kael has poisoned my mind. I was so disgusted after reading her book. It was as if she drained all the joy out of going to the movies. I picked up her infuriating habit of dissecting every element of the film into bits and pieces, instead of taking it in as a whole. She's so caught up in acting the part of a learned and well-read intellectual, that she completely misses the point. Now I can't even watch daytime television without seeing it as an elaborate metaphor for the decline of twentieth century civilization. Jerry Springer is a modern-day Roman circus, whereas Jenny Jones, with her costumed characters and musical interludes from has-been rock stars, has a more surreal quality. Rick Lake is an unctuous gas bag with delusions of grandeur--she actually thinks she's helping people. Did you know Geraldo's daytime show is going off the air?
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Dr. Balis:
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Really.
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Ms. Lough:
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What am I going to do without his Friday celebrity gossip show? Who's going to cover Zippergate? Geraldo's absence will create a void no one else could fill. Rosie O'Donnell can't hold a candle to him, I don't care if she did get the Daytime Emmy.
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Dr. Balis:
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Let's get off this tangent and get back on track. What drove you to cultivate and then consume massive amounts of hallucinogenics?
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Ms. Lough:
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After reading Pauline Kael's film reviews, I wanted to cleanse my head, like that rabbit song. Did you know rabbits eat their own poop? It's really gross. They don't eat all of it, though, just the little mushy ones. I wish they did eat it all, then I wouldn't have to clean it up.
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Dr. Balis:
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I think the line is: "Feed your head." Yes, rabbits do eat some of their own feces, it's nature's way of giving them the necessary B-vitamins and protein.
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Ms. Lough:
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Yeah, whatever. Anyway, the plan was that I would trip with Tony while seeing "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas." Only I took too much and freaked out. When we got out of the theater, the sky was dark, and for some reason that really scared me. Tony maintained much better than I did--he didn't take as much. He guided me across the street to the Zephyr Cafe, which I usually find a soothing environment. But I couldn't go in; I couldn't stand the thought of being confined indoors.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why not?
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Ms. Lough:
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I don't know, I was overcome by this irrational fear. I stayed outside and looked in the window at the display of coffee mugs until I got really cold. Tony finally dragged me in and took me to a table. I closed my eyes and that was a big mistake. I saw these giant eyes staring back at me in reverse video--my pupils where white and the whites were black. Then I saw little ants and worms crawling out of my eyes and remembered a story I heard in high school about some kid who had clawed his eyes out while on acid. I panicked and started screaming, and Tony took me home. I felt like I was going to die, like I was having a heart attack. Tony tried to talk me out of calling 911, but I did it anyway. He got the hell out of there.
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Dr. Balis:
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What happened then?
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Ms. Lough:
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The police came. I thought they would take me to a hospital, but they handcuffed me and took me to jail instead. I spent the night in the drunk tank with a couple of really skanky-looking prostitutes and a smelly homeless woman who shouted obscenities while rocking back and forth. It was surreal.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm. Was this the first time you've taken psilocybin?
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Ms. Lough:
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I'm not sure it was actually psilocybin. I've been working on the mold project for a while. I took some before, a week ago, when I got my first crop of mold. It wasn't anything like the last time--then, I watched TV and laughed my ass off. The first time, I was a little nervous and paranoid when I started to peak, but it was okay.
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Dr. Balis:
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Wasn't it psilocybin that you took?
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Ms. Lough:
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No, it was just spores from the mold. I never actually grew mushrooms. I'm really disappointed that the cops took all my jars. It was a lot of work. I had to sterilize everything and haul jugs of distilled water from the store to water the rye berries.
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Dr. Balis:
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How did you know how to do this?
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Ms. Lough:
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There are mushroom-growing guides all over the Net. Someone called "Psilly Simon" has a very thorough description on his web page. It's pretty complicated. I should have paid more attention in my chemistry class. But I was actually proud of myself for doing as much as I did. You wanted me to find a creative outlet, and growing mold and fungi is creating new life, isn't it?
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Dr. Balis:
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You know that's not what I meant.
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Ms. Lough:
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I've never been much for growing things, not even marijuana plants. They're supposed to be weeds, but I can never get them to produce buds. When I saw the white fuzz forming on those rye berries, I was overjoyed. I felt like an expectant mother, cradling her mason-jar-womb, awaiting the sprouting of her little fungi children.
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Dr. Balis:
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How did you feel after the drugs wore off?
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Ms. Lough:
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I was drained and exhausted. I heard that happens after a bad trip. So before you threaten to send me back to rehab, I want to tell you that I've sworn off drugs for good. Except pot.
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Dr. Balis:
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If you're charged with possession with intent, you'll give up a lot more than that. Do you realize how serious this is? You could go to jail, Sharon.
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Ms. Lough:
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If you talk to my lawyer and tell her that I'm a serious nut case and didn't know what I was doing, they'd drop the charges.
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Dr. Balis:
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I won't lie about your mental state, Sharon.
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Ms. Lough:
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You won't be lying, I am a real nut bag. Look at these scars. I'll have to remember to wear short sleeves to the arraignment and hold my arms out like this. Good thing I went back to the wheelchair. I've got to play the cripple card for all it's worth now.
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Dr. Balis:
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You knew what you were doing. Your psychological state didn't render you delusional.
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Ms. Lough:
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It was all for personal use. The crime lab still hasn't determined if what I produced is a recognized drug. Do you know what they took as evidence? A little plastic dieter's scale from Weight Watchers. It was Charlotte's--she was always on a diet. What a joke! Real drug dealers don't use a scale like that, they use a triple-beam balance or a digital scale. If that's the only evidence they have of intent to sell, they've got a flimsy case. I don't know why law enforcement even bothers to come after me. I'm no threat to society. Why don't they chase after crack dealers who sell to school children?
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Dr. Balis:
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That's not the point, Sharon.
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Ms. Lough:
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Yes, it is. America's "War On Drugs" is a national disgrace. "Just Say No"--what an insipid slogan. We should string up that old bag Nancy Reagan and hang her next to Pauline Kael, and gut them both like a couple of tunas. This "no-nothing" mania sweeping the country is completely out of hand. They're even coming after people who smoke tobacco. Where would the South be without tobacco? We're really shooting ourselves in the foot here. Didn't we learn anything after the Prohibition? How much money has the government spent on the drug war? With all the social problems we have, why not let the smokers smoke and the stoners get stoned and spend our tax dollars on something important, like national health care.
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Dr. Balis:
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The...
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Ms. Lough:
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Do you know how many Deadheads are rotting away in prison for selling acid? They give harsher sentences to marijuana growers than they do to rapists and murderers. Mankind has been getting high since the beginning of time in an effort to cope with the fact that reality sucks. Criminalizing drug use is pointless, unless you really think our prisons should be full of aging hippies and pot heads rather than violent criminals.
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Dr. Balis:
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United States drug laws aren't the issue here. It's your well-being that I'm concerned about. Substance abuse has destructive consequences, not the least of which is prison.
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Ms. Lough:
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The lawyer said that since it's my first offense, I'll get a slap on the wrist, maybe a few months of community service. Besides, there are mitigating circumstances: I'm a mental case; I'm a gimp; I'm in a program for recovering addicts.
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Dr. Balis:
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When's the last time you went to a Rational Recovery meeting?
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Ms. Lough:
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I don't know, a month or two ago. They're boring.
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Dr. Balis:
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If you want to help your lawyer make a case for mitigating circumstances, I suggest you go back and make a real effort this time.
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Ms. Lough:
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Yeah, I guess I'll have to do that.
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Dr. Balis:
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How is Rob taking all this?
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Ms. Lough:
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Surprisingly well. He was a hippie and a draft dodger back in college. He doesn't use any illegal drugs now, but he smokes Havanas smuggled in through Canada, so he's sympathetic.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm. How are things otherwise? Have you named the bunny yet?
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Ms. Lough:
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Not yet. I'm leaning towards something with a classic, old-world feel to it, like Schmekel-head. How did you know about rabbits eating their own doody? Did you grow up on a farm?
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Dr. Balis:
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I must have read it somewhere. The SPCA could give you more information about the care and feeding of rabbits. You should give them a call.
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Ms. Lough:
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Speaking of eating poop, I downloaded an Internet Relay Chat program. I wandered into a chat room about scatology--playing with shit before and during sex. Someone in the room said it was okay to eat your own shit. I thought it would make you sick, but he said it won't.
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm not sure why we're discussing this, but I don't recommend fecal matter, even your own, as a supplement to your diet.
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Ms. Lough:
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I found some web sites devoted to scat, mostly for gay men. There's also a video out called "Walking Toilet Bowl Part Two," featuring a woman who eats, fucks, and smears herself with shit. There's a scene where she dives headfirst in a toilet and bobs for turds. At the end, she lays naked in the bathtub, smeared with feces, and sings Broadway show tunes while the camera guy takes a piss on her. One of the guys in the chat room told me about it. I want to see it, but you have to buy it. It's not available for rent.
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Dr. Balis:
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What is it about this practice that you find so fascinating?
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Ms. Lough:
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It represents the apotheosis of deviant sexual behavior. That's probably what Pauline Kael would say if she reviewed "Walking Toilet Bowl Part Two." She'd probably complain about the bad lighting, too, not to mention the poor dialogue. Rob takes a dump four or five times a day, really big ones. I bet if he joined a "Scat Singles" group, he'd be very popular. They'd be impressed with his fecal prowess. Or do they call it "poop-itude"?
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Dr. Balis:
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Is this something you'd like to try?
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Ms. Lough:
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What? Film reviewing? Or playing with shit? Or reviewing films about people who play with shit?
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Dr. Balis:
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I was referring to the practice of scatology.
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Ms. Lough:
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Oh. I don't see anything erotic about it, which is why it's so interesting. How could anybody get off on something like that? Even the S&M Community keeps its distance from poopie people.
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Dr. Balis:
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We're almost out of time.
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Ms. Lough:
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Don't you want to talk more about feces and its fetishists?
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Dr. Balis:
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No, Sharon, I really don't.
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Ms. Lough:
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Oh, come on. I can give you the URLs of the cool scat web sites. You can even use my password to get in.
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Dr. Balis:
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Goodbye, Sharon.
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Ms. Lough:
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Doctor, you need to get more fun out of life.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Sharon Lough's Communications
