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Ms. Raven:
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Good afternoon, Doctor Balis.
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Dr. Balis:
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Good afternoon, Eliza. You look chipper.
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Ms. Raven:
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I am.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh? Something new happening?
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Ms. Raven:
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Something old re-happening. Check this out.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's a very pretty ring, Eliza.
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Ms. Raven:
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Luke's apology.
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Dr. Balis:
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Am I right in assuming that the two of you are back together?
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Ms. Raven:
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Correct as always.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Ms. Raven:
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I accepted his three carat apology. Graciously, I might add.
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Dr. Balis:
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So, he presented you with a ring as his apology, and you accepted it, with no arguments or deliberations?
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Ms. Raven:
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I'm not about to fall into an old trap. We had it out, if that's what you are probing for.
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Dr. Balis:
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I was.
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Ms. Raven:
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Hmm. Anyhow, Luke came crawling over to my mother's home Friday night, and pleaded his way into the house. Ben wasn't going to let him in until I, in my stupidity and loneliness, demanded that Ben let him in. We went into the living room, and Luke proposed again. At first I told him no. He begged and pleaded and apologized--just weaseled his way into my heart--and I melted. So, I took him back, on one condition.
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Dr. Balis:
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And that was...?
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Ms. Raven:
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One mistake--anything that hurts me in a deep way--and we're history for good. Not petty things like astral projection or disagreements, but things like cheating, kicking one another out, that sort of thing.
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Dr. Balis:
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Are you happy with how things worked out?
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Ms. Raven:
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Things are coming into place like I want them to. I even got up the nerve to call a creditor back and tell them where to go.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh?
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Ms. Raven:
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Car loan. Assholes are calling me every two hours, even when I'm at work, making more money to pay them their goddamned payment. I said that if they needed to get a hold of me, why didn't they call me in the evening when I would be home, rather than during the day, when I'm not? They call and leave dirty nasty-grams on my answering machine. They tried to get snotty and I told them that the check will be on its merry little way shortly.
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Dr. Balis:
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How are things going with your mother?
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Ms. Raven:
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Swell. I got up the nerve to tell her I hate pink.
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm sorry?
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Ms. Raven:
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I like bold, rich colors, and I can't stand pastels. Mom's a Spring, if you look up color charts and things, and I'm a Winter. So, I don't look very good in pastels. I tried on something pink to show her, and she cringed. She finally came to terms with the fact that, no matter what, she can't shove a nipple in my mouth and make up for lost time. So we getting to know each other. It's quite weird.
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Dr. Balis:
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How so?
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Ms. Raven:
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Well, we never knew each other very well. Now it's more like we are equals, rather than the old Mother-Daughter bullshit. And I think I like this arrangement better.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why?
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Ms. Raven:
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Daddy is my father and my mother. I know that sounds strange.
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Dr. Balis:
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No, it doesn't.
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Ms. Raven:
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I just can't let Mom take his place as one of the people who raised me. I never grew up when I was around her. Daddy raised me. She was gone. She wasn't there for films and talks about female sexuality. She wasn't there for the heartaches and breakups. She wasn't there at my Sweet Sixteen birthday party. Well, she was there monetarily. But money doesn't make a mother. So Daddy took over for her. Mom wasn't there through my agonizing physical rehabilitation. Daddy was. Do you see what I mean?
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Dr. Balis:
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I do.
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Ms. Raven:
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So I've been thinking about all of this and Mom and I sat down the other night to talk. And I told her what was on my mind. She said she didn't blame me and that she was ashamed of the way she acted when she left. I couldn't believe it. It blew my mind. Mom sat down and cried. She feels guilty for missing our lives. She said, "I know you don't understand why I did what I did. But I did the right thing for me. My only regret is missing out on you and Isaac. I'm not apologizing and I don't expect you to forgive me. All I know is that I may have given birth to you, but your father created you and turned you into an angel." So I held her while she cried, smoothed her hair, and shushed her.
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Dr. Balis:
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Are you embarrassed?
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Ms. Raven:
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Well...well, yeah. I was mommying my mother. I was doing what I did for Isaac and Daddy all those years. But this time, it didn't hurt deep inside to do it.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why do you think it didn't hurt?
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Ms. Raven:
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Well, first of all, I was too young to handle the responsibility with Daddy and Isaac. And secondly, Mom is more like a friend than a mother. She was just a friend who needed comforting.
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Dr. Balis:
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So you and your mother are friends now?
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Ms. Raven:
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Well, yes and no. We are each trying to learn about the other rather than talking about who we were before. We are starting fresh. So it's like we just met and are still in the getting-to-know-you stage.
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Dr. Balis:
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How is your father handling all of this?
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Ms. Raven:
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He took all of her things and gave them back.
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Dr. Balis:
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Could you please explain? I think I am a bit confused.
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Ms. Raven:
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At the suggestion of his therapist, a Doctor Humdingerschlossenberg or some other such rubbish, he took all of Mom's things that he had stored away--her pictures, art, clothes, everything, even the pillow she slept on and the sheets they got at the wedding--and took it back to her. He held a rummage sale to get rid of their old furniture. It was an act of sheer bravery. He drove over to Mom's with a U-Haul, and knocked bravely on her door. Ben answered it. Now, you have to realize, Ben stands almost a full foot over Dad. But Dad stuck out his chest and asked if my mother was home. Ben snarled, "Who wants to know?" Daddy retorts: "I do, you ogre." By then, Mom was at the door. "What can I help you with?" she asks Daddy. "The things that you left are here in the truck. If you want them, you need to unload them, and if you don't, I'll take them to the dumpster and get rid of them for you." Well, Mom didn't know what she had left, so they unpacked the truck, all three of them together. And as they were parting, he said, "I'm going to sell the furniture on Saturday. If you want anything, come and get it. If not, I'll still give you half of the proceeds." Mom answers, "You never had a head for antiques. I'll pick those up and give you half of whatever we make on them." They shook on it and Daddy left. Then he went home and sat on the couch and cried for an hour.
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Dr. Balis:
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He really still cares for your mother.
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Ms. Raven:
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That, and he cried because he couldn't do what Dr. Pinderschloss wanted him to do.
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Dr. Balis:
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And that was...?
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Ms. Raven:
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Cut Mom out of all of the family photos. He was supposed to cut her image out and leave a picture with me, Isaac, Daddy, and a hole. It was a horrid, tacky idea and I told Daddy that I thought it would be okay to leave them intact. I asked Daddy who was this awful doctor he was seeing? It did brighten Daddy's day, a little.
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Dr. Balis:
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And Calypso?
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Ms. Raven:
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I was just getting to that. They made up this week and Isaac moved back in with Daddy. Daddy and Calypso are going to therapy together. Calypso agrees that Dr. Whatizbutt is a loony. It was like national "Kiss and Make-Up" week for my family.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm. Tell me about your band. The performance is Friday and I'm looking forward to it.
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Ms. Raven:
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I'm glad you're going to come. My band is myself, Camille--my best friend, Anders--a drag queen, Robin and Josie--a gay couple.
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Dr. Balis:
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Okay. Is there anything else I should know?
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Ms. Raven:
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Well, Camille is pregnant. She thinks that the baby's father is Malcolm, her ex-boyfriend. She invited him to the gig so that she could tell him. I think she is looking for a fight.
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Dr. Balis:
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Does this worry you?
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Ms. Raven:
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Malcolm the Malcontent. Yes. He worries me.
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Dr. Balis:
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Malcolm the Malcontent? Who calls him that?
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Ms. Raven:
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Oh, I don't know. That's just the name he has, but maybe not to his face. He's the weirdest--incredibly tall and thin, brooding and dark. He scares me, but I am the only person he confides in. I'm the only one who knows why he moved here. I haven't seen him much in the last month or so, since he and Cami broke up, but I know that he's going to come to the show. He likes the music. Camille gave him three tickets, so he's probably bringing Gary and Simon.
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Dr. Balis:
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Is Camille trying to get him back?
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Ms. Raven:
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She's trying.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see.
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Ms. Raven:
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Cami's just...well, she's a little promiscuous. She likes to play cat and mouse games with the men in her life. She likes to string them along. Malcolm won't play, or if he does play, he doesn't play according to Camille's rules. She likes sex. She likes kinky, wild, uninhibited sex. She walks a tightrope all the time, and she doesn't protect herself. And it scares me, more than Malcolm and his unhappy tendencies. Sometimes I feel that there's something horrible, lurking just on the edge, waiting to spring out and trap her.
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Dr. Balis:
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Have you ever told her how you feel?
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Ms. Raven:
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You can't tell Cami what scares you. She'll do it more just to drive you insane. So I don't tell her. I just "tsk tsk" like a mother hen, and pretend to agree with what she's doing. You don't disagree with Camille. She will make life hell for you.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Ms. Raven:
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Anders on the other hand...
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Dr. Balis:
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Yes?
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Ms. Raven:
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Anders is a trip. Anders--Alexandria the Great on stage--is a Cleopatra drag queen. He talks like Noxema but acts like Vida, you know from the movie "To Wong Foo". Now, he really is the complete mother hen, clucking and preening, and so on. His husband Phillip is your typical little man. Like in the cartoons, there is a very large woman that controls everything and this little man, and all he says is "Yes, dear." Phillip is an accountant. Phillip is completely unlike Anders, he's very tame.
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Dr. Balis:
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It sounds like you look up to Anders.
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Ms. Raven:
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Not look up to, per se. More like I am amused by him. I love his attitude.
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Dr. Balis:
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I look forward to meeting your group. It sounds like an interesting collection of people. Well, it looks like we are out of time here.
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Ms. Raven:
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Well, shall we meet next week?
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Dr. Balis:
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Yes, noon on Tuesday, the 29th?
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Ms. Raven:
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Same bat time, same bat channel.
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Dr. Balis:
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Sure. See you next week, Eliza.
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Ms. Raven:
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Okay, later. Na na, na na, na na, na na. Na na, na na, na na, na na Batman!
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Eliza Raven's Communications
