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Ms. Raven:
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Dr. Balis?
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Dr. Balis:
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Yes? Oh come in, Eliza. You don't have to wait for me to invite you in.
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Ms. Raven:
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I know. I guess I just...oh never mind. It's been hell.
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Dr. Balis:
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I saw your performance Friday.
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Ms. Raven:
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And I assume you got to see the Grande Finale as well.
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Dr. Balis:
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Well, I didn't get to see it first hand. I waited around after your performance, saw a crowd gathering, and heard loud, angry voices getting louder and angrier by the second, so I took it as a sign to depart.
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Ms. Raven:
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That was just Malcolm and Camille going at it. They got kind of physical.
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Dr. Balis:
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Was anybody hurt?
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Ms. Raven:
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Malcolm knocked the wind out of her by dropping her to the ground with his karate. Of course, this was after she nailed him in the 'nads. The only other injury was my smarting cheek after she slapped it.
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Dr. Balis:
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What did Camille do that for?
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Ms. Raven:
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I got into the middle of the argument. No one opposes the great and mighty Camille. Anyhow, I'm not her best friend anymore.
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Dr. Balis:
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Because she slapped you?
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Ms. Raven:
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Because she and Luke were involved in a...tryst. So to speak.
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Dr. Balis:
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I beg your pardon?
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Ms. Raven:
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Oh, I can't talk right. Just...here. Look at these photos.
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Dr. Balis:
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These give the phrase "compromising positions" a new twist...
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Ms. Raven:
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Stunning, aren't they. I thought so, too. You wouldn't think anyone would get pierced there, would you?
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Dr. Balis:
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How did you get pictures this explicit?
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Ms. Raven:
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They were asleep. I just took them and they never woke up.
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Dr. Balis:
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This is really surprising, Eliza. You were really torn up when Luke last broke your engagement. Now, although you've clearly caught Luke with his pants down, so to speak, you don't even show a hint of emotion.
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Ms. Raven:
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It's nothing to get emotional over. He can't control me that way anymore.
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Dr. Balis:
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I don't think that this is a control issue.
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Ms. Raven:
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Well, I don't want to get emotional. I don't want to get bloody. I don't want to have a sob-fest. I'm tired of all of that shit. And I'm tired of his shit.
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Dr. Balis:
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Are you staying at your mother's again?
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Ms. Raven:
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Oh, hell no. I haven't even shown these to Luke and Camille yet. I don't want to break up the band now that we have just gotten on our feet again. And I really want Luke to confess his infidelity to me before I whip these babies out for him.
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Dr. Balis:
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Well...
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Ms. Raven:
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I know. I know, I know, I know. I've been exhausted since Friday night. That performance really drained me. And then I ran into Peter. Well, that was interesting, to say the least. And then I get home to find these two wrapped up in a lover's embrace in his mother's bed. His mother's fucking bed! Goddamn him!
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Dr. Balis:
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So there is some emotion. But I thought you said...
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Ms. Raven:
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I don't want to be sad about it. But I have every right to be angry and hurt. I trusted that bastard with my goddamned soul and he tears that trust to shreds and stomps on it by sleeping with Camille! With Camille! Camille the Chameleon! Camille, the slut from downtown! Why couldn't it have been some gorgeous super model? Why did it have to be the underage whore?
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Dr. Balis:
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It's okay to be angry and hurt, Eliza. You shouldn't have held it back.
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Ms. Raven:
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If I hadn't exploded just then, I would have done it when I walked in the room. And then I would have felt bad for yelling at you. It's easier to let it leak out rather than scare the hell out of you.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's all right, Eliza. I wouldn't have taken it personally. I understand something about people under emotional distress.
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Ms. Raven:
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I figured as much. Actually, I'm not mad. I'm disgusted.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why?
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Ms. Raven:
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Duh. Hello? Camille is a skanky little ho. And Luke, the very same who begged forgiveness from me, slept with her. And they were taking photos with his mother's goddamned Polaroid. So when I found them after I got home--they were naked and asleep--I couldn't help myself. I grabbed a new thing of film, slammed it into the camera, and started snapping away. I left the pictures that they had taken together. I wanted them to have those snap shots. But these...these are mine. These are for keeps. These are to remind me what a sorry piece of shit I really am.
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Dr. Balis:
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Eliza, I'm lost. You're a "sorry piece of shit" because Luke cheated on you?
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Ms. Raven:
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No, not because he cheated on me. Because I let him into me. I let him into my heart and soul. I let him hurt me. I let him in. Nobody else let him hurt me. I did. It's my own goddamned fault.
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Dr. Balis:
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So who are you angry at? Him? Or you? Or Camille?
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Ms. Raven:
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All of the above.
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Dr. Balis:
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Everybody makes choices, Eliza. Luke chose to sleep with Camille--that choice affected you. Camille chose to sleep with Luke--that choice affected you too. You can be affected by someone else's choices without being responsible for them. You did not make those decisions.
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Ms. Raven:
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Well, I could have been there for Luke to sleep with.
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Dr. Balis:
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Luke made his own decision. He decided that sleeping with Camille was more important than staying faithful to you.
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Ms. Raven:
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No...
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Dr. Balis:
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Luke made the choice. He could have kept his hands to himself.
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Ms. Raven:
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But...
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Dr. Balis:
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But he didn't. That decision affected you, but it wasn't caused by you.
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Ms. Raven:
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I...
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Dr. Balis:
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You can't blame yourself for his choices and decisions. You can't be responsible for everyone, Eliza. You're only responsible for your own choices, just as Luke is responsible for his.
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Ms. Raven:
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Damn it! I am! I am responsible for me!
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Dr. Balis:
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Then why do you have to be responsible for him?
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Ms. Raven:
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I fucking don't!
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Dr. Balis:
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That's right.
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Ms. Raven:
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Oh shit.
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Dr. Balis:
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Sit down, Eliza. You look like you're about to faint.
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Ms. Raven:
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I'm not going to...
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Dr. Balis:
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Eliza?
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Ms. Raven:
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Yeah?
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Dr. Balis:
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Put your head between your knees.
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Ms. Raven:
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It's all right. This, too, shall pass. Thanks for bringing me back down.
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm sorry?
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Ms. Raven:
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I do like it when you get aggressive. We get so much more accomplished. When you get frustrated with me, you really come on strong. I have to be pried open. Trapping me in a corner is most effective.
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Dr. Balis:
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I don't get frustrated with you. I'm sorry, Eliza, if I came on too strong.
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Ms. Raven:
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Don't be. Thank you for your efforts. I never feel so free as when I'm here.
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Dr. Balis:
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I think I'll take that as a compliment.
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Ms. Raven:
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It was intended as one.
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Dr. Balis:
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Well...
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Ms. Raven:
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What shall we do about Luke the Puke?
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Dr. Balis:
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Luke the Puke?
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Ms. Raven:
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Luke the Puke.
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Dr. Balis:
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Okay, Luke the Puke.
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Ms. Raven:
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Yes. What shall we do about him?
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Dr. Balis:
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That's up to you. What do you want to do?
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Ms. Raven:
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I really want him to come to me and confess. And if he doesn't confess, I'll go to Confession for him.
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Dr. Balis:
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Pardon?
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Ms. Raven:
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I was thinking of passing these pics around his church.
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Dr. Balis:
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I don't think that would be such a grand idea, Eliza.
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Ms. Raven:
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I know. I've had too much time to think since early Saturday. I was feeling vindictive and angry.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's understandable.
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Ms. Raven:
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Actually, I don't want to be immature about it. I don't want to cry and mope now. I just want to end this torture.
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Dr. Balis:
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Torture?
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Ms. Raven:
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I know that he's cheated on me. By sleeping with my former best friend, no less. I don't know if it's weighing on his mind like it is on mine. I almost see it as a fitting punishment.
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Dr. Balis:
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That he is being tortured by his conscience?
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Ms. Raven:
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Exactly.
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Dr. Balis:
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Well, how you handle it is ultimately up to you. I believe that you will make the right decision.
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Ms. Raven:
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The only thing I ever learned: do the right thing.
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Dr. Balis:
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Okay. So go and do the right thing, Eliza. I have faith that you will.
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Ms. Raven:
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Anyhow. It was really good to get this off my chest. I thought I was going to explode.
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Dr. Balis:
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No one else knows about this?
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Ms. Raven:
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I haven't told anybody. If Luke or Camille did, that's up to them. Kiss and tell. That's not Luke's style, but it is Camille's. He may have sworn her to secrecy, but I doubt it. I'm pretty sure I'll be hearing about it through the grapevine pretty soon.
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Dr. Balis:
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Well, rumors wouldn't be the best way to confront them. They can deny everything. But you have the proof in your hands.
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Ms. Raven:
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I'm not going to use it...just yet. I'll save it for when I decide how to handle the situation.
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Dr. Balis:
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Sometimes you just have to step back from a situation and see it in another light.
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Ms. Raven:
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I know. Anyhow. Enough about those dumb asses. Let's talk about Peter.
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Dr. Balis:
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Peter?
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Ms. Raven:
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Peter Hossfeld. I met him Friday night, after the show. He'd been giving me weird looks all night, and I knew there was something about him that I couldn't place. So I ran out and grabbed him before he could leave with the stampeding herd. It was very surreal when I caught up with him.
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Dr. Balis:
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How so?
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Ms. Raven:
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I looked into his eyes, and I just knew...I just knew. There was something there. It was amazing.
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Dr. Balis:
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Wait a minute. What exactly did you know?
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Ms. Raven:
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Well, at first, nothing. I made him promise not to leave until I had a chance to talk to him, and rushed backstage to find out why there was a growing throng on the outskirts there. Which is where I found Camille and Malcolm screaming at each other. Well, I got out of there after the police left...
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Dr. Balis:
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The police were involved?
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Ms. Raven:
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Luke got panicky and called in some bacon to help out with what he thought was going to end in Camille's death. Part of me wishes it had. But anyway, I got back to Peter after the police left, and he got upset when he saw that mark on my face. I told him it was nothing and that he didn't need to worry. He calmed down. Well, my gut instinct was to get him alone and sit down and talk with him.
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Dr. Balis:
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Weren't you afraid?
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Ms. Raven:
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I don't know why, but I wasn't. I just felt this need growing inside me, like I was on the edge of a cliff. A little voice ran through my mind, "You have to talk to him. You have to talk to him. You have to talk to him." So I invited him out for coffee. He sneered at the word coffee, but he did say that he wanted to talk to me.
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Dr. Balis:
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And then what happened?
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Ms. Raven:
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Luke showed up.
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Dr. Balis:
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Uh oh.
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Ms. Raven:
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No. He just demanded, "Who's this?" I didn't know his name at the time, but he stepped in and introduced himself as an acquaintance of mine. So then I told Luke that we were going out for coffee and asked if he'd like to join us? "Oh, no," Luke said, "You run along with your little friend." So he let us go.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you intend to invite him along?
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Ms. Raven:
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No, but I was going to tell him what was up. Anyhow, I wasn't going to get in trouble over this, so I toddled after Luke and asked him in private if it was really okay for me to go. He said that it was, and that he was planning on going with Anders and everyone out for drinks. He said that we were welcome to join them if we wanted to. I said, "No, he's a spiritual-type friend. We don't want to muddle our thinking." So Luke sent me along and kissed me good night, telling me that he would see me when I got home.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Ms. Raven:
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Peter and I left. We went to a little shop open 24 hours in my neighborhood. I drank a lot of coffee and he drank something weird--I think it was "Wheat Germ Water" or something nasty like that. Anyhow, I think he may have been the guy in the experience I had.
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Dr. Balis:
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Wait a minute...the astral plane experience?
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Ms. Raven:
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Yes. But the weird thing was that he kept trying to get me to admit to being some sort of Sorceress from Biblical times, or something like that. I told him that I knew a little about my past lives, but I didn't think I was ever a sorceress. Normally, people are just ordinary people in their past lives. So many people claim to be the reincarnation of Cleopatra or somebody famous. I'm just me. I was just me. Nobody special. But, other than that bit of weirdness, we connected on a lot of different levels. It was...breathtaking.
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Dr. Balis:
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Breathtaking?
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Ms. Raven:
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Yeah! It was amazing! We just spent all night jabbering away like old friends. It was very neat-o. Anyhow, we remembered the concept of time about four in the morning and we both freaked out. Luke was going to be mad at me, and Peter has this whacked out girlfriend-type person that would be mad at him. He kept insisting that she wasn't not his girlfriend--she's his Guru. Yeah, right. So we parted company, and I gave him my e-mail address. I'm waiting for him to write me. He needs my help with that wacko girlfriend--Guru--of his. After all, I am a Wiccan Priestess. So I'm going to help. It's my duty.
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Dr. Balis:
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Well, it sounds like you had an exciting weekend.
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Ms. Raven:
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Yeah. I also gave my card to this girl I met--I think her name is Chrissy or Christina? Anyhow, she was looking mighty confused about the whole Malcolm business. She's supposed to be his girlfriend, or something. So I'm pretty sure I'll be getting an e-mail from her, too.
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Dr. Balis:
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What do you mean the Malcolm business?
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Ms. Raven:
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Oh, that's right! You don't know why they were fighting! Camille was Malcolm's ex. Apparently, Camille dropped a little baby bomb on Malcolm when she saw him backstage. She's about three months now. That's when Malcolm lost it. And Camille is underage, too, although if they enforced that law, literally hundreds of men would have to be hauled away. So Christina was looking like she was walking on rubber or something. That's when I gave her my card. I thought she might want to talk.
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Dr. Balis:
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We really are out of time here, Eliza. Can I schedule a session for next week?
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Ms. Raven:
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As if you had to ask.
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Dr. Balis:
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Just checking. So I'll see you here on the 6th of May at noon?
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Ms. Raven:
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Yes. I'll see you then.
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Dr. Balis:
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Take care, Eliza. And if you need me...
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Ms. Raven:
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You're only a phone call away. I'll call you if I need you. But I want to be a big girl and settle it myself. I won't call you unless there is an emergency.
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Dr. Balis:
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Okay, Eliza. See you later.
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Ms. Raven:
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And fare thee well to you, good Doctor.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Eliza Raven's Communications