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Dr. Balis:
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Hello, Ms. Rozzi. Thank you for again for coming.
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Ms. Rozzi:
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Oh no, thank you, Doctor. I was looking forward to seeing you again. I see you're wearing another one of those ties that I like so much. I like a man with his own sense of style.
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Dr. Balis:
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Thank you, Ms. Rozzi.
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Ms. Rozzi:
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Now now, Doctor, I told you before to call me Larraine?
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Dr. Balis:
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Okay, Larraine. Now, we're here to discuss Alex, and I have some questions I'd like to ask of you. Would that be all right?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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Anything for you, Doctor. Fire away.
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Dr. Balis:
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I'd like to start with some background information. Would you tell me please, what were the circumstances that led to your parents taking Alex and raising him as their own son?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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I was afraid you'd want to know that. Well, if I must, let me just start out by saying that I never really wanted him. Alex, I mean.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's very honest. Thank you. Why didn't your parents tell him the truth about who they really were?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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Well, we can thank my mom for that, rest her soul. She was embarrassed of me, I think. I don't know why really...why they lied about all that. But I went along with it because it was a convenient way of getting out of my responsibility. I was wild and out of control, just like Alex is now, and that's the reason we don't get along.
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Dr. Balis:
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What do you mean?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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He's just like I was, and it drives me crazy. He drives me crazy.
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Dr. Balis:
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Please, go on.
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Ms. Rozzi:
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For my parents, Alex was the son they never had. See? They always wanted a boy, not that they didn't try...after me, that is.
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Dr. Balis:
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Your parents wanted to have more children?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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I guess so. Not that they were qualified. But God saw to it that they didn't have any more, thankfully. My mom suffered several miscarriages and then, eventually, the doctor told her that she could never have children again.
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Dr. Balis:
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You said that you didn't want Alex. Why is that?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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I still don't, actually. Still don't. But the reason I didn't want him--this demon child that was growing inside of me--was that Mark just up and disappeared on me. I think I told you that before. And every time I felt that thing inside of me moving, I would think of Mark. I hated him for leaving me and I hated the idea of this thing growing inside of me, leeching off my body, kicking me from in there, making me feel like shit. I think I didn't even consider abortion because of my Catholic upbringing. I don't believe in abortion. And he really turned out to be the bad seed after all! Alex resembles Mark a lot, by the way.
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Dr. Balis:
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Mark really is Alex's biological father?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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Yes.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did he tell you why he left?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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It had to do with the drugs.
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Dr. Balis:
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Drugs?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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Mark was a coke dealer. Coke was big in 1982 here in the city. About two weeks before he left, our friend--his business partner, Steve--was killed in a gang-related thing. That really spooked all of us. It seemed that Mark was the next in line.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see.
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Ms. Rozzi:
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So that's it. God, I forgot how this affected me. I haven't spoken about this to anyone in years, you know?
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Dr. Balis:
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There are some tissues right there, if you like. Did you tell Alex this story?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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Of course not! Why would I do that?
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Dr. Balis:
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I think Alex would appreciate you being honest with him. He would recognize the truth in your story and it might help him understand you better.
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Ms. Rozzi:
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No way! And how would I tell him this? He'd really have a low opinion of me then, not that it wouldn't be warranted. What a stupid idea!
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Dr. Balis:
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I disagree. I believe that it would be best if you sat down and told him the truth, the entire truth. It would be good for both of you. Alex really craves to know who his father is, and he was very shocked and upset by the way you introduced Mark to him.
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Ms. Rozzi:
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Well, he didn't seem that way to me. He just screamed and swore at us and then charged out of the house.
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Dr. Balis:
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Try to put yourself in his place. Alex told me that he wanted to know who his father was, but when he confronted you, you refused to tell him anything. Now, you just casually introduce Alex to a man that you say is his father. Alex is having some problems with that. I believe it would be good if you talked to Alex about all of this. Would you think about it?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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We'll see. Alex isn't even around for me to say anything to him right now.
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Dr. Balis:
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Where is he?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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He ran off again. He's staying at Ralph's house.
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Dr. Balis:
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Ralph?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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He lives on upper Market and has a nice, big house with a view of the skyline. It'll be good for Alex to stay there awhile so we can both cool down. It's actually been kind of nice having the house to myself, for a change. Plus, Ralph seems to be a safe man. I'm not worried about Alex; I know where he is.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm. You're in contact with Alex?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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If I want, yes. But I think it's better if I leave him alone right now and he leaves me alone. Sofie thinks that I should march up there and force Alex to come home. But he's just like me--he does what he wants, when he wants. If I tried to force it, he'd run off again.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see. You said earlier that even now you still don't want Alex. Can we talk about that?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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Why?
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Dr. Balis:
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I believe you when you say that. But I think there's a part of you that does care about him. I can see that in your face. But I'm very concerned that you have so little interest in the way Alex takes care of himself and what he does.
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Ms. Rozzi:
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Doctor, I don't need a lecture. I didn't always do this with him. He has an innate ability to take care of himself, in case you haven't noticed. We're talking about a sixteen-year-old boy. It isn't as if he's ten. Geez!
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm not trying to lecture you, Ms. Rozzi. But I'm worried about Alex. And I'm not all that sure about how well he takes care of himself. But to get back to my original question, can you articulate the reasons you don't want Alex in your life? And don't you think that Alex would sense that you feel that way about him?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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The feeling is mutual, Doctor, in case you haven't noticed.
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Dr. Balis:
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I noticed, believe me. Is it the responsibility? Is that why you say you don't want him?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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That's part of it. You see, Doctor, after Mark disappeared, I nearly lost my mind. I was so depressed; I didn't understand why he left me. I thought it was something that I did. But Alex, well, he stole my freedom from me. Twice even. The first time he stole it was when I was pregnant and alone. And the second time he stole it was when my mom died. You know, if she hadn't died, everything would be just fine. Alex would still be having his wonderful life, and I would still be able to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. But during the pregnancy, I became more and more withdrawn. My friends didn't want to be around me--I was fat and bitchy and always, always in a bad mood.
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Dr. Balis:
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I think I can understand that. You felt abandoned. What was his explanation? Why did he leave?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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He said that he left to protect me. He said that he loved me and that he was certain he was next in line for the firing squad. Mark didn't want me to get hurt or worse. So he left. No note, no phone call, no letter, no anything. I was devastated. By the time Alex was born, I was already back doing drugs. I even tried to kill myself. That's how I ended up on an extended stay at the Woodside Women's Facility.
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Dr. Balis:
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You attempted suicide?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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I wanted to die. I wanted the baby to die. I didn't have any will to go on without Mark. He was the great love of my life. No one since has ever come close to what he was to me. And I hated him for leaving me. I tried to convince myself that he died. But when I took the pills, I had forced the baby to come. They had to take him out of me before the drugs killed him. That's why I didn't give them the name of the father for the birth certificate. I hated him and wished him dead. And I didn't want his name associated with us. So my mom went and named him Alex Jarrod Rozzi.
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Dr. Balis:
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Is that significant?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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The significance of that, Doctor, is that Jarrod is Mark's last name! My mom said she hated Mark, but she insisted that Alex have a part of his father's name, as remote as it was. This is all too much!
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm sorry that you're upset. You're shedding quite a bit of light on some questions that have been floating around in my head for weeks now, and I thank you for your cooperation. I can appreciate how difficult this must be for you.
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Ms. Rozzi:
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I'm sorry, Doctor. It isn't like me to get all worked up about things like this. My mascara is probably all over my face by now.
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Dr. Balis:
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It isn't. You look fine, Larraine.
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Ms. Rozzi:
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Oh, Doctor! You finally called me by my first name, and I didn't even have to remind you! See? We're getting along just fine. You seem to be a such nice man, Doctor. I'm surprised some girl hasn't snatched you right up! You do like girls, don't you?
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Dr. Balis:
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Ms. Rozzi...ah...Larraine, we're not here to discuss my personal life. Let's get back to Alex.
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Ms. Rozzi:
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Can't blame a girl for trying, can you? You seem like quite a catch to me!
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Dr. Balis:
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Thank you. Now, can we go on? The story that Mark told you, do you believe it?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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I didn't at first. You should have seen me. I was wailing on him big time. I even left some bruises. All that anger and rage was pent up in me for so long, I had to let it out.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see. Does he want to come back into your life?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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Not yet. He has a family up in Canada. A wife and two little girls. Alex has two sisters, can you believe it? But he says that he isn't happy, that he always thought about me and that was why he contacted me. He said that he felt tremendous guilt over leaving me that way and he wanted to clear his conscience and maybe set my mind at ease.
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Dr. Balis:
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You said not yet. What do you mean?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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How could he not want me back? But he's back home in Vancouver for now.
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Dr. Balis:
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So, is he going to return, then?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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Well, yes. He really would like to meet and maybe even get to know Alex, on some level.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's admirable of him.
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Ms. Rozzi:
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It's getting late, Doctor. I better...
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Dr. Balis:
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Just one more thing, Ms. Rozzi. Do you know if Alex ever made it to his doctor's appointment last week?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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I'm almost certain he hasn't. I think he blew that off too, because I was supposed to take him there when he ran off last week.
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Dr. Balis:
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Okay. Well, that's it for now. Would you like to make another appointment, so we can continue this discussion?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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Well, Doctor, I don't really want to make a habit of this therapy stuff. But perhaps we can get together for dinner sometime? We could talk then?
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Dr. Balis:
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Like I explained before, I must insist on keeping things on a professional level. I hope you understand.
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Ms. Rozzi:
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Sorry, Doctor, I didn't mean to offend you.
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Dr. Balis:
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I wasn't. Now, that appointment?
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Ms. Rozzi:
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I'll call you later, when I know what my schedule looks like. Got to run now, I have a hair appointment. See you, Doctor, and do take care! Love that tie!
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Dr. Balis:
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Goodbye, Larraine.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Alex Rozzi's Communications
