Saturday, January 18, 1997
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Sunday, January 19, 1997
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Monday, January 20, 1997
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2 pm. Fourteenth Session with Sarah Wright. Sarah seemed more depressed during this session than I have ever seen her before. She has completed the first week of her Zoloft trial, with no improvement. She reports being tired all the time, with some days worse than others. She reports a profound lethargy which she describes as trying to move through wet cement. It was Jeff's birthday, and after a family dinner, Robby and Jeff went out together. Robby later told Sarah that he suspects that Jeff is seeing someone else. Sarah doesn't care at all. Her contempt for Jeff is so strong, it's palpable. She even voiced her wish that it was Jeff who had AIDS rather than Robby. And while she is able to talk to Robby about his relationship problems with her husband, she is currently unable to broach to Robby the emotional issues which are so important to her. Sarah cut off our session early and didn't make an appointment for next week. She said she'd call and set something up. I would hate to lose Sarah as a patient, especially now where she is apparently in crisis.
4 pm. First Session with George Landau. I had my first session with George Landau, a new patient today. He seemed almost an anachronism. He is a tall and thin 52 year old man who dresses in elegant manner, with an old fashioned flair. He had on a pinstriped suit, gray waistcoat, and a pocket watch and fob. His black shoes were highly polished. His tie was straight and his hair was neat. George is obviously someone who takes some care in his appearance, although the overall effect is somewhat odd for the employee of a high tech company. He actually reminded me most of an old-fashioned English banker. Although George was not wearing a hat, I felt sure that he owns one. George was quite tense during our session. When he finally was persuaded to take a seat, he sat perched on the edge as though afraid that relaxing into the chair would lure him into making a slip and revealing too much. He was also aggravated during our session. Apparently, his superior is a much younger man--Simon W. Taylor--who has demanded that George seek my help. I'm not sure what for, although George believes that Mr. Taylor thinks him lazy. Aside from George's suspicions that I was trying to wrest his secrets from him, he didn't evidence any obvious signs of mental illness. I do get the impression that Mr. Landau may be a bit of a fussbudget, but that might be a professional asset in the position of a Senior Administrator. George has two children: Daniel, age 11 and Elizabeth, age 13. His wife's name is Melissa. He doesn't report any particular conflict with any of them except for normal teenage friction with his daughter, but he was exceptionally guarded in this session. He didn't report any physical ailments or symptoms. He said that he would return next week, although I guess that he'll do what he can to get out of it.
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Tuesday, January 21, 1997
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4 pm. Twenty-Sixth Session with Sylvia Bows. Sylvia was very interested in the content of my conversation with Tom last week. Tom was unwilling to give her any details at all and she surmised that it was more than the simple greetings that he would have her believe. I told her that I felt that Tom had a lot of hostility towards me, and that I felt that was unfortunate since we both had the same immediate goal of seeing Sylvia safely through a difficult pregnancy. Sylvia and I spent the rest of the session talking about Tom and his motivations. Rather than the complete turnaround which I sensed during our last session together, Sylvia has a more cautious attitude now. While she believes that Tom genuinely wants the twins to be healthy, she thinks it possible that the rest of his consideration is merely in service of that goal. Sylvia doesn't believe that Tom will ever be able to forgive her for her infidelities and, while the fuel for the fire of her anger over Tom's vasectomy has dwindled, she isn't sure that she will ever be able to forgive him either. Tom has agreed to put off all legal actions until after the children are born and so Sylvia desires not to face these issues until she has to. Sylvia was tired and we ended the session early.
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Wednesday, January 22, 1997
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Another fax came in this morning from the Anonymous Faxer. This one is the most disturbing image I've seen from him since the fax depicting a body with the severed head he sent me on November 13, 1996. This week's image shows a standing figure whose body from his feet to his waist (and a portion of his arms) have been cleanly sliced through forming sections approximately eight inches each in length. Although the figure is still standing, the pieces are just now falling apart, so the figure can't stay upright for a second more. A small puddle of blood is seen on the floor, but the image is surprisingly free of blood or gore. The sections of legs and arms are sliced clean, like meat in a supermarket. A bolt of lightening can be seen behind the figure. The damage being done to this figure is much more than could be accomplished by self mutilation. What it reminds me more than anything else are some of the dreams that I've heard from patients just prior to going into surgery. Sometimes they see themselves as meat carcasses ready to be carved up in some high tech butcher's shop. Perhaps the Faxer is really ready to undergo a sex change operation. Although another man about to have his penis surgically removed would focus the imagery upon that particular organ, it makes sense that the Anonymous Faxer, who feels trapped inside this body, would see the operation as a complete dissection of who he was, perhaps to be reassembled into a new body with a new gender.
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Thursday, January 23, 1997
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Anna called and cancelled our session for today. She said that she had the flu, and was in bed with a temperature of 103.5. Sounding terrible, she seemed genuinely disappointed to be missing our session. I told her to drink plenty of fluids and contact her general practicioner. She said that she'd see me for our next regularly scheduled session.
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Friday, January 24, 1997
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4:30 pm. Fourth Session with Hal Mainor. Hal surprised me by showing up unannounced at my office this afternoon, just as I was preparing to go home. He's unhappy because he has run into a hitch in his plan to profess his love for Sylvia and leave his wife and kids. He has no access to Sylvia. Sylvia is at home, on bed rest, and isn't taking telephone calls, e-mail, packages, anything. Her plan of working out of her house has apparently been aborted. Hal tells me that he believes that Sylvia is being aced out of her position at work and that a new guy that has been shifted into the department has been trying to dig up dirt on Sylvia to use in the event that she challenges her termination. Hal is still completely clueless about the state of affairs between himself and Sylvia. He has concocted this fairy tale notion of Sylvia as pining away for him--completely disconnected from any reality. He wanted me to access Sylvia's personal information in the company health records and, when I refused, became somewhat abusive. I tried to bring him back to reality a bit by saying that I'd seen Sylvia and her husband in the hospital together and that they looked like they were reconciling--all true, although not to the full extent obviously--and Hal ignored the information and fixed on the fact that she might be in the hospital. So he took that as another avenue of access to her and rapidly departed.
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Charles Balis' Personal Diary & Log