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Dr. Balis:
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Hello, Cassie. How are you feeling today?
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Ms. Evans:
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Not so good, Doctor. Yesterday, I almost fainted in front of my boss, and today I totally messed up on a project. I feel so stupid. On top of feeling so sick. Ugh.
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Dr. Balis:
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Everyone makes mistakes. Why don't you tell me what happened--with the fainting as well as the work.
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Ms. Evans:
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Well, yesterday I just felt really sick. Everyday it gets harder and harder for me to get things done. It's so odd. I always believed pushing myself, trying to snap out of it, is the best thing to do, but that doesn't seem to do it for me anymore. It's like at the end of the day, I feel like I need 12 hours of sleep to be able to function the following day. But I don't get refreshed, nor do I get the amount of sleep I need, for one reason or another, and then the following night I need 12 plus hours of sleep. It seems impossible to catch up. I spent the whole weekend in bed, sleeping and resting. Didn't even leave the apartment or get dressed. Anyway, about the fainting--I almost called in sick yesterday, but figured I shouldn't. I guess my body got over-loaded, because I collapsed. I was talking with Ms. Bows and I got very flushed and dizzy. Luckily, I was able to excuse myself and went to the restroom. As soon as I got inside, I slid to the floor. So, I threw some cool water on myself and rested in one of the stalls for a few minutes, then staggered back to my desk. It was towards the end of the day, so I thought I could hang instead of leaving early and arousing suspicion. Today, I was asked to... well, do some number crunching, basically. I totally messed up--inverted columns and rows, all sorts of stupid mistakes. I almost felt retarded. I couldn't think of the right words to describe things. It was like I was in a fog or my brain was moving in slow motion.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm. I'm concerned about the fainting spell. Incidentally, I got a message on my service from Dr. Halsey and he said that he'd be sending me a note soon. If you have no objections, I'd like to discuss this with him. Is this new or have you suffered from this before?
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Ms. Evans:
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A couple of years ago, before college, this happened almost all the time. Then it seemed to fade away a bit. But it has come back recently. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I feel like whatever it is, it's gotten worse and it scares me.
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Dr. Balis:
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Of course, I understand. Tell me, what did you think of Dr. Halsey?
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Ms. Evans:
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He was so very nice, kind, gentle, and sweet. Not like the usual bunch of characters. No offensive, Doctor. You've been an exception to my doctor rule as well. He took my history, and some blood. Said he may run some more tests, but first he wants to discuss my case with an infectious disease doctor friend of his. It was cool, he didn't push his ideas onto me, but instead absorbed what I was saying and was willing to look into it. He also attempted to contact my previous physician to get my records, but they are being quite reluctant. My mom's friend says they have had some malpractice trouble and that may be why.
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Dr. Balis:
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I am glad things went well with Dr. Halsey.
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Ms. Evans:
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Yes, I am very relieved.
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Dr. Balis:
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How are things with Brian?
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Ms. Evans:
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Same shit, different day. Oh, please excuse my French. When I feel crummy, I tend to let the curses flow as they may. Anyway, I didn't see Brian this weekend. We spoke on the phone for awhile on Saturday. He really wanted to go to this jazz club. I told him I felt really ill, like flu-ish, with headaches, chills, the whole bit. So a noisy and crowded club was not sounding fun to me. He got a bit pissy about it. Tried to guilt me into going. That totally ticked me off, and I gave it to him but good. I said, "Did you totally forget the conversation we had last week? I try to open up to you and it goes in one ear and out the other." I was proud for asserting myself. We argued. He said he could come over and "pat" me. I knew that meant he was going to try to get some action. He's done that before. On top of it all, he practically invited himself over for dinner which, of course, I should cook. I am the woman, after all, right? Sheeesh. I simply said, "No thank you." Then he threatened me. Threatened me that he would go to this nightclub without me if I didn't spend time with him. I told him to go. Have fun. He didn't go. At least, that was what he told me the following day. Why should I do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, however he wants? It was a good thing not to see him. I think the break was well needed.
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Dr. Balis:
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Does that mean you didn't ask him to go with you to see Dr. Halsey?
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Ms. Evans:
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I thought about it for the longest time. And, after much trepidation, I asked if he could drop me off at the Doctor's office. Figured, if he was interested in what was going on with me--why I needed to see a doctor, et cetera--he would ask. Then I would take it from there. He said he didn't think he could get off work, but would try if I wanted. I decided to just forget it. I don't want to be too dependent on him anyway. I don't want to be too dependent on anyone. That just sucks. Feeling like you owe people for helping you out all the time.
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Dr. Balis:
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Good friends often really like to help out when you need it.
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Ms. Evans:
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I know. Gosh, if it were the other way around, I would have taken him! Whatever. Oh! I spoke to Michelle the other day. She is coming to California later this month to visit. Actually, it's for business--a convention. The convention will be in town, so I offered for her to stay here. Instead, she said she is getting a suite, courtesy of her company, in a very pish-posh hotel. With an expense account. So, she is going to pick me up, and we will do a girlie thing together. Facials, stay up all night and talk, that kind of thing. I can't wait!
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Dr. Balis:
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Something for you to look forward to.
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Ms. Evans:
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Yes. I told her about the new doctor. She said it sounds like this one may actually come up with something. She was telling me of something she read in the paper, this doctor who helps with assisted suicides. He helped this one woman kill herself recently and the symptoms sounded very similar to mine. She begged me not to do anything like that. The way she spoke about it, this woman, it was so eerie. Anyway, I told her that I definitely would not do anything drastic like that. I have lost too much of my life already. I want to enjoy as much of it as I can.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's a healthy attitude. Did she recall what the illness was?
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Ms. Evans:
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She couldn't remember off the top of her head, but said she would look through the paper and send me the article. I don't read the paper myself anymore. Too many bad things. It seems they only report on all the terrible events--catastrophes and such. I don't need that kind of crap. I'd rather be amused and get my mind off my problems. Like renting a movie or something. Though I haven't done that in ages.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why is that?
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Ms. Evans:
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It really is a pain in the butt. You have to schlepp to the video store, hope to get the movie you want to see, then schlepp home. After watching it, you have to make sure you get the video tape, rewound, of course, back to the store, in the time period allocated. If I can't get back out, then it gets costly to pay for an extra day. I know that sounds like I am being lazy. And that isn't it at all. But when I feel sick, I don't want to move. Or sometimes I can't move. Besides, I have cable. They play plenty of movies to keep me occupied.
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Dr. Balis:
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Does that upset you, that you may sound like you are just being lazy?
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Ms. Evans:
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Yes, it does. I love taking long walks, but haven't been able to in the longest time. I would love to get out and do things, but I just can't. I do push myself, maybe more than I should, but that seems to make me worse. I heard someone in the office the other day bitching and moaning about having to visit friends and family. It is such a drag and so depressing to hear that. I would love to be able to visit people every weekend. I would love to be able to complain about having to do these things. But I guess that is just not my lot in life, huh?
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Dr. Balis:
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Well, perhaps not at this moment, but things do change. Let's see what Dr. Halsey comes up with.
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Ms. Evans:
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I'd love to get a good night's sleep, for a change.
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm reluctant to prescribe medication for you without having a better understanding of what's happening with you physically.
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Ms. Evans:
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I hate taking pills anyway. I react weird to things. But maybe they could help me to get some sleep. I would kill for that!
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Dr. Balis:
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Okay, why don't you give me a call later this week, and let me know how you are doing. In the meantime, I'll check with Dr. Halsey. If you still feel like you're not sleeping properly, I may try you on something very gentle. How does that sound?
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Ms. Evans:
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It sounds fair enough.
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Dr. Balis:
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Good. I'll speak to you then. And I'll see you the same time next week?
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Ms. Evans:
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That's fine, Doctor.
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Dr. Balis:
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Okay, that's right after the Labor Day weekend on September 3rd at 1 pm.
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Ms. Evans:
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Okay, and I'll speak to you later this week.
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Dr. Balis:
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Goodbye, Cassie.
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Ms. Evans:
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Goodbye, Doctor.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Cassandra Evans' Therapy Sessions
