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Dr. Balis:
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Hello, Anna. How are you?
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Ms. Green:
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Hello, Doctor Balis. I'm doing better.
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Dr. Balis:
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Good. Are you sleeping?
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Ms. Green:
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I still have lots of problems falling asleep. I start thinking and then...you know how it is. One thought after another and I get myself completely worked up. But once I actually fall asleep, I'm able to sleep through the night.
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Dr. Balis:
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You had a very traumatic experience, Anna. It will take some time to get over it.
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Ms. Green:
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I know. But it's still hard now.
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Dr. Balis:
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It will get better. I think we should spend time talking over everything that happened.
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Ms. Green:
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Yes, Doctor.
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Dr. Balis:
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Is Martin still trying to get in touch with you?
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Ms. Green:
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He kept calling and calling but I was set on ignoring him.
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Dr. Balis:
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You still haven't spoken with him?
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Ms. Green:
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I didn't say that.
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Dr. Balis:
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So you are communicating now?
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Ms. Green:
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Sort of. I told him that I would think about it.
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Dr. Balis:
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Good. I think it's important not to leave this unresolved.
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Ms. Green:
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Well, it's more then just that.
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Dr. Balis:
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What do you mean?
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Ms. Green:
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I think I still like him. I mean you would think that after all that happened I would want nothing to do with the guy.
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Dr. Balis:
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But?
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Ms. Green:
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But I keep thinking about him. If it wasn't for what happened in Michigan, I would consider him one of the nicest people I know. Certainly one of the smartest and most caring.
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Dr. Balis:
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And the incompatibility of your sexual preferences?
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Ms. Green:
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The foot thing? Frankly, I don't particularly mind. I think it's weird, but then oral sex is weird and I like that.
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Dr. Balis:
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For Martin the "foot thing" was just one aspect of his sexuality. The S&M scene that you witnessed is one of the defining characteristics of Martin's personality. Being a submissive--a "bottom"--is a lot more then just role playing for Martin. You do have to understand that, Anna.
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Ms. Green:
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I'm trying, Doctor.
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Dr. Balis:
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If you are interested in Martin, you will have to accept him for all that he is.
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Ms. Green:
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I know. But Martin is a lot more then just an S&M freak. He has a great ability and desire to love someone, to please the subject of his affections, to deeply care not for just the surface features but for the very soul of the person.
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Dr. Balis:
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You do sound like you still like Martin a lot.
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Ms. Green:
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I do. I really do, Doctor. I can't help it. I thought it would just go away, but...
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Dr. Balis:
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That's okay, Anna. You're allowed to like him.
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Ms. Green:
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Thank you, Doctor. I didn't think you would understand.
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Dr. Balis:
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Martin didn't do anything wrong other than not fully explaining his passions to you.
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Ms. Green:
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Passions. That's a good way of putting it. Now I know what to tell my parents: "I met this guy and I like him. He is full of passions."
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm glad to see your sense of humor is back.
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Ms. Green:
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When your life resembles a bad comedy act, you should at least have a sense of humor to appreciate it.
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Dr. Balis:
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That helps.
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Ms. Green:
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You know after I left your office last week, I took a long walk, just sort of meandering along the city streets. There are a lot of really strange people in San Francisco.
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Dr. Balis:
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You just noticed?
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Ms. Green:
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I pay more attention to it now. And it's not only the people who dress up to express their peculiarities. It's people who you would never suspect of being strange. I keep thinking about that guy with the leather outfit and a mask screaming in the police station that he is a lawyer. I bet, when he is in his business suit, no one ever suspects him of having "passions."
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Dr. Balis:
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I bet you're right.
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Ms. Green:
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At least Martin with his romantic tendencies...you know what he did?
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Dr. Balis:
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No, what?
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Ms. Green:
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He flew out here for a day.
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Dr. Balis:
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He called me the Monday after your visit to Michigan and told me that he was planning to do that. But I had assumed that he had given up that idea.
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Ms. Green:
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Nope. He flew out here Tuesday morning. I was at work already when he got here. But he didn't waste his time.
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Dr. Balis:
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What do you mean? Martin went to see you at SII?
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Ms. Green:
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No. The apartment building across the street from mine is being painted right now. They've have been fixing cracks and trying out paint swatches for about four days. When Martin got here, they still didn't have it painted yet. Somehow he managed to convince the contractors to paint a large "I LUV U ANNA" sign on the side of the building facing my windows with one of the swatch colors. When I got home, Martin was sitting on the front steps of my building with a huge bucket of flowers. He must have been waiting for a couple of hours. As I walked up the street, I saw the sign. I couldn't believe it. I was happy and embarrassed all at the same time. I must have been completely flushed red as I approached, for the painters realized that I was the "Anna." They started cheering and laughing. The people on the street were pointing at me and the two story-high sign. You see? This proves that Martin is a complete lunatic, but a very lovable one.
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Dr. Balis:
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I imagine it was quite a sight. Is it still up?
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Ms. Green:
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Oh, no. It was gone the next day when they painted the whole building with that color. But even for the few hours that it was up...how can you not talk to the guy after that?
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Dr. Balis:
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It would be hard.
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Ms. Green:
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When Martin handed me the flowers, the people on the street and the painters were all cheering and clapping. I though I would be in the morning editions for sure. You have to admit, that that was very romantic.
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Dr. Balis:
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Yes, it was. But even that doesn't change the fact that Martin expresses his sexuality as a bottom in an S&M fashion.
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Ms. Green:
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Back to that. I know. But you know, Doctor, so many people are abusive even without a claim to S&M preferences. When I think of all the torment Bill put me through, just to mention one example, it was so much more sadistic then anything that Martin and his friends have in mind. Bill was into psychological abuse. He didn't care if I experienced any pleasure from it. He hurt me because he could. Martin is different.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see your point. But are you prepared to act the way Martin wants you to? For example, would you whip him if he asked?
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Ms. Green:
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I don't know. It looked like it would really hurt a lot. I don't know if I could do something like that to another human being, especially one I care for. But I'm doing research in that area.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh?
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Ms. Green:
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I need to understand this whole S&M business better. Why do people get pleasure from it when they are obviously getting hurt in the process? I want to understand that.
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Dr. Balis:
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What kind of research are you doing?
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Ms. Green:
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Nothing drastic yet. I just went to a little bookstore that I found in North Beach. There was a girl that works there, Kathy, who was very nice and showed me some books and explained a little about the equipment that is used. I think I'll start by reading about it first.
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Dr. Balis:
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Sounds like you are contemplating trying some of this out yourself.
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Ms. Green:
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I feel like I can't really hurt Martin, the way that he'd want me to, if I didn't experience how it feels myself first.
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Dr. Balis:
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You mean you want to get whipped?
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Ms. Green:
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I want to know just how much it hurts and where the pleasure comes from.
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Dr. Balis:
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Are you planning to do this with Martin?
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Ms. Green:
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I guess so.
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Dr. Balis:
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You're going to ask Martin to whip you?
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Ms. Green:
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I've thought about it.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see.
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Ms. Green:
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I would stop right away if it didn't feel right. Really, Doctor, I'm not a masochist. I don't like pain. But I need to know how it feels like before I can do it to someone else. Do you understand?
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Dr. Balis:
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I just don't want you to get hurt. Or to do something that you really don't want to do, Anna.
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Ms. Green:
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If it's not right, I'll stop. And I'm not planning on doing it any time soon. I will stick to reading about it for a while.
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Dr. Balis:
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Okay.
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Ms. Green:
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Martin talks about a sexual rush that occurs. It didn't sound like a bad thing. Although I wish there were other ways he could feel that way. I feel the rush when I perform oral sex on a guy. I wonder if it's the same thing.
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Dr. Balis:
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I think doing more research and talking about all of this first is a good idea. Is Martin planning to come out here again soon?
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Ms. Green:
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He can't until the end of the semester. It's better that way. It gives us both a chance to think things over.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did he leave Tuesday?
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Ms. Green:
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He had to get to the airport shortly after he met me at the door. We barely had a chance to talk. But when he got home, he called me and we've been talking ever since. Don't be upset with me, Doctor. I don't think Martin is evil. Just mixed up.
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Dr. Balis:
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I don't think Martin is evil, either.
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Ms. Green:
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It's just the way you look at me when I talk about him.
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. My job is to help you sort things out, not to make judgments.
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Ms. Green:
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Maybe. But I know you care about me.
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Dr. Balis:
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I do, Anna. Our time is up. Is this time next week good for you?
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Ms. Green:
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Of course. I'll see you then.
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Dr. Balis:
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Good. Goodbye, Anna.
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Ms. Green:
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Goodbye, Doctor.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Anna Green's Communications
