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Dr. Balis:
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Hello, Anna. You're looking well. How was your week?
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Ms. Green:
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Hello, Doctor Balis. I had an interesting week.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh?
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Ms. Green:
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Yes, I'm learning a lot, doing a lot of research...
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Dr. Balis:
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About S&M?
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Ms. Green:
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Yeah. I'm trying to figure out what makes people like this sort of stuff. I already know that some of it is just not for me.
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Dr. Balis:
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Like what?
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Ms. Green:
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Needles. I hate needles. And piercing. That's also bad. Actually any kind of skin or flesh penetration makes me extremely uncomfortable.
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Dr. Balis:
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Is it something that Martin likes?
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Ms. Green:
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No. He said that's not the sort of thing that turns him on either.
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Dr. Balis:
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Have you been talking with Martin a lot?
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Ms. Green:
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A fair amount. I'm not sure how to put it exactly. But in the beginning of our relationship, there was this frenzy. It was like we were both in heat and it was affecting our judgment and our ability to communicate with each other.
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Dr. Balis:
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You think that's changed?
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Ms. Green:
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I do. There is still the sexual tension and anxiousness. But I no longer feel like I have to hurry. I'm sure I'm not saying this right.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's okay. Go on.
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Ms. Green:
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When Martin and I first got together again in January, there was a feeling of urgency about our relationship. It was as if we had to rush everything to firm up the bond between us. We tried to hurry up and get to know each other before we drifted apart. It could have been the pressure of Martin living so far away. Or perhaps Martin was afraid that I would find out about him before I liked him enough to understand. I think we both felt like there wasn't enough time. But now, this has all changed.
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Dr. Balis:
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In what way?
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Ms. Green:
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I no longer feel the need for such speed in the development of this relationship. I want to take my time. I want to know exactly what I'm getting into--to get into it with my eyes open, so to speak.
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Dr. Balis:
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That sounds very wise.
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Ms. Green:
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I think so. So I've been studying. Doing my homework. And in the meantime, Martin and I simply talk on the phone. What I'm trying to say is that my attitude toward this relationship changed. I feel like I'm in control--not only in control of Martin, but in control of my own feelings. If I intellectually decide that this is not for me, I'll be able to simply walk away.
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Dr. Balis:
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Has the heat has gone out of your relationship?
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Ms. Green:
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Not at all. I'm just not being stupid about this guy.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm. What do you talk to Martin about?
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Ms. Green:
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Lots of things. Why?
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Dr. Balis:
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I was just interested. Is it something you don't want me to know about?
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Ms. Green:
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It's the usual. Nothing that strange.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh?
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Ms. Green:
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We talked about our childhood, books we like, movies. I asked him questions about S&M and how and why he got into it.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did he tell you?
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Ms. Green:
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He said that it was not something that he was into from birth. I mean, he wasn't born liking it. No, that's not right. He didn't know for a long time that he liked it.
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Dr. Balis:
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How did he discover this about himself?
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Ms. Green:
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He said that about two years ago, he met a woman that liked playing it rough, as Martin put it. It wasn't an S&M thing really. Just sort of dressing up in costumes and playing out scenes--slave and master sort of thing. Martin said that she was a History major specializing in the early Greeks. At some point Martin realized, I guess, that he really liked this sort of thing. That relationship never worked, but Martin discovered something about himself as a result. After that, Martin said that he always tried to suggest that particular type of role-playing to his partners.
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Dr. Balis:
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How did Martin evolved from role-playing to a true S&M player?
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Ms. Green:
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I don't know. I guess if you do it often enough, you discover the community. At least that's what Kathy told me.
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Dr. Balis:
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Kathy?
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Ms. Green:
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The girl from the dirty bookstore. I told you about her last time.
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Dr. Balis:
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Is Kathy into S&M?
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Ms. Green:
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I don't think so. She never said that. But I assume that she knows a whole lot of people who are--they all shop there.
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Dr. Balis:
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So Kathy has been your S&M tutor?
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Ms. Green:
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Sort of. We went out for coffee once after I bought some books in her store. She was helping me out with phone S&M.
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Dr. Balis:
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With what?
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Ms. Green:
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You've heard of phone sex, Doctor Balis, haven't you?
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Dr. Balis:
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Is that what you're doing with Martin?
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Ms. Green:
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A variant of that. We tried doing some--I don't know...theater?--over the phone. I tell him what I'm wearing and where I am in my apartment. Usually it's involves being completely naked but for the pair of super-high-black-leather-spiked-heeled shoes that Martin gave to me. You know? The "Come Fuck Me" shoes.
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Dr. Balis:
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You told me about them.
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Ms. Green:
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Yes, I did. I tell Martin what I want him to do for me and describe his punishments over the phone. It's sort of fun. The first time we tried this, it went rather badly. I really didn't know what to do. But I talked with Kathy and she gave me a lot of pointers. Now I can do it like a pro. Did you know that there are women who do this professionally? You can call them and give them your credit card number and they'll abuse you for money!
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Dr. Balis:
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I know about phone sex services.
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Ms. Green:
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I think that what Martin and I are doing is better than that. I really do get naked and do the things that I tell him I do. I don't think the pros on the phone do that. The only thing I don't do is wear those shoes. They are too uncomfortable. And Martin would never know anyway.
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Dr. Balis:
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Does this type of phone sex turn you on?
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Ms. Green:
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It has its moments. If you are asking me whether I have orgasms, I do.
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Dr. Balis:
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You said you started doing this last week, how many times do you think you've done this so far?
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Ms. Green:
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About five.
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Dr. Balis:
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Is that every night?
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Ms. Green:
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I guess so.
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Dr. Balis:
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Do you have other conversations other than phone sex?
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Ms. Green:
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Of course!
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Ms. Green:
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I told you, we talk about books, and movies, and other stuff we like to do. It's not all about sex.
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Dr. Balis:
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So is this all fantasy or do you think you would really try any of the things you talk to Martin on the phone about?
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Ms. Green:
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Maybe. I don't know yet. It's one thing to talk about inflicting pain and it's completely different to actually do it.
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Dr. Balis:
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I agree.
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Ms. Green:
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Doctor, I think you're angry with me!
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm not angry with you, Anna. I just don't want you to do something that you don't want to do.
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Ms. Green:
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He is really a nice guy, Doctor. Look. I've brought a drawing that he sent to me. It's my body portrait.
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Anna Green's Communications
