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Ms. Green:
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Hello, Doctor. How are you today?
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Dr. Balis:
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Hello, Ms. Green. I'm well, thank you. And you?
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Ms. Green:
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I'm having a low energy day. But I'm sleeping much
better now. The melatonin pills definitely work although they take a
little while to kick in.
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Dr. Balis:
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Melatonin is not a sleeping pill so its effects are gradual.
I'm glad they work for you. Do you feel like you were able to stabilize
your sleep patterns?
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Ms. Green:
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I think so. I get home at around seven and have dinner.
I've been taking the pills sometime around nine thirty, ten o'clock.
I think I fall asleep by eleven and I am able to wake up at eight. I know
it is nine hours of sleep, but I'm so tired lately. Maybe I'm catching
up on the sleep I lost in the last couple of months.
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Dr. Balis:
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I think it's good that you are getting more rest.
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Ms. Green:
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Yeah, I'm feeling a lot more human.
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Dr. Balis:
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We left off kind of abruptly last time. We agreed that
we would talk about your inability to say no to unwanted sexual advances.
I thought a good way to start would be talk about your early sexual experiences
and perhaps your relationship with Bill. What do you think, Ms. Green?
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Ms. Green:
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I think...it's sounds okay. When should I start?
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Dr. Balis:
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Try to think back to some of the earliest memories you
have that you think are somehow sexual in nature.
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Ms. Green:
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Like my first kiss?
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Dr. Balis:
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For example. But I don't mean anything so explicit. Just
episodes in your life that feel or have a sexual undertone.
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Ms. Green:
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Hmm. I remember when I was very young, I don't exactly
remember how old, maybe three? I walked into the bathroom when
my grandfather was taking a shower. I didn't think it was a big deal
and he didn't notice me come in. I think I left a toy on the bathroom floor.
I got the toy and left. Later my parents and grandparents were talking about
something, I couldn't really follow the conversation. But at one point they
were talking about naked people. And I said that I saw one. They all got
so excited. They asked me where and whom did I see. So I told them. I remember
them laughing sort of funny and talking loudly after that. I don't really
know what about. But I understood that it was an important thing that happened
to me. In retrospect, I don't think I would have remembered the naked
grandfather episode at all if it wasn't for everybody being so weird about
it.
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Dr. Balis:
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Sounds like your parents were embarrassed. Did they
ever talk to you about sex?
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Ms. Green:
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No. Never did. They were always very strange about it.
One time when I was about four, my dad got very upset with me and I couldn't
understand why. He spoke angrily with me and then pointed to my sweater.
I was wearing a skirt with buttons on suspenders. The skirt was a little
too big and the suspender buttons ended up being next to my nipples. My
dad asked what I was hiding under my sweater like that. I said nothing.
So he picked up my sweater and saw that it was only the buttons and got
very apologetic. I remembered the incident very clearly even though it wasn't
for a few years that I figured out why he was so upset. He thought that
I was pretending to have breasts or something.
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Dr. Balis:
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What made you think that that is what your dad thought?
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Ms. Green:
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I saw a Little House on the Prairie episode when Laura
put apples in her dress to look like she had breasts. It made me remember
my dad and the suspender buttons. Actually, I remember a couple of sex-related
conversations with my dad.
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Dr. Balis:
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Would you like to tell me about them?
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Ms. Green:
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Sure. I think they are rather funny. When I was a kid,
I thought my dad was like a God--all perfect, you know? Well I thought
when I grow up it would make sense that I would marry him. I thought about
it a lot. But one thing bothered me--what to do about Mom? So one day I
asked him what we were going to do when we got married. He didn't understand
me at first. I just assumed that he thought we'd get married too. So I went
on to explain that I wanted to know what we were going to do with Mom
after we got married.
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Dr. Balis:
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What did you father say?
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Ms. Green:
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He just laughed, I think. I don't think I ever got an
answer. At least I don't remember it. But I remember the conversation and
I also remember that afterwards I knew that I shouldn't ask this question
again.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why did you think that?
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Ms. Green:
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It was just the way my dad reacted. I'm not sure exactly.
I just knew.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you ever ask your parents about sex?
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Ms. Green:
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I think I must have at one time. But it was when I was very young
and I learned quickly that it was not a good idea.
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Dr. Balis:
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What did your parents say or do?
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Ms. Green:
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I don't exactly remember. I just have these snippets of
memories but nothing too coherent until I was much older.
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Dr. Balis:
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Can you tell me some of the snippets?
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Ms. Green:
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I remember touching myself when I was very young. I don't
remember whether it felt good or not. I think I was just interested, you
know?
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Dr. Balis:
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That's perfectly natural.
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Ms. Green:
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I remember I came to my dad once and told him about this
theory that I had. I thought that my tongue just continued straight through
my body and the end of the tongue was sticking out of my vagina. It felt
like a little tongue to me, you know? So I explained this whole new idea
of body anatomy to my dad.
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Dr. Balis:
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How did he react?
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Ms. Green:
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I don't know. I just don't remember. I remember telling
him but I don't remember anything after that.
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Dr. Balis:
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You keep describing incidents with your dad. How about
your experience with your mother?
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Ms. Green:
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I don't think I had many. I sort of think that she thought that
it was dirty. That's pretty much all I remember. You know, I didn't even
tell her when my period started for the first time.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why not?
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Ms. Green:
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I didn't think she would be interested, I guess.
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Dr. Balis:
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How did you learn about menstruation?
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Ms. Green:
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From the girls in the locker room. They were talking about
it one day and I happened to overhear.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did it scare you?
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Ms. Green:
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No. I thought it was normal. You know, eventually my mother
found out. I was using all her pads. She came to me all upset about it.
She said I should have told her. But I didn't understand why she cared so
much. It wasn't a real big deal, you know? Everyone gets them. I mean all
women do.
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Dr. Balis:
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How old were you when you had your first boyfriend?
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Ms. Green:
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I was a late bloomer. I first started to go out when
I was seventeen.
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Dr. Balis:
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First year of college?
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Ms. Green:
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Well, the summer before. We met during the admissions
process. He was a very nice guy.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you have sex?
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Ms. Green:
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Doctor, so many questions! No, we did not have sex. I was
very romantic then and thought that I would wait until I got married,
like my mom did.
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Dr. Balis:
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But you didn't wait with Bill.
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Ms. Green:
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No. I don't know. With Bill it just sort of happened,
you know?
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Dr. Balis:
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No. What do you mean?
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Ms. Green:
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I am not sure really. First we just did a lot of touching.
It was very exciting and I liked it a lot. And then I remember sitting on
his lap with my panties down. We weren't doing it. But it was really close.
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Dr. Balis:
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Was your first time with Bill?
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Ms. Green:
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Not exactly. He believed it was.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you tell him it was?
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Ms. Green:
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No. But I made him believe it was true. It sort of
kept our relationship from progressing in that way too fast. Not that it
helped for a long time.
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Dr. Balis:
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When was your first time?
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Ms. Green:
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It was with a boy...a man named Reed. I was in my
second year in college and he was a senior. We were both taking an anthropology
class. We always sat together in class and during lab. And sometimes after
school we would go out for pizza. At the end of the semester, he was going
to graduate and I would never see him again--he got this great job on the
East coast. We were saying our goodbyes and...you know Doctor, it sort
of happened. But once we got to that point it really hurt a lot and I had
to stop. He kept telling me it was all right. But it wasn't. I was really
bleeding and it freaked me out. I mean, the whole thing. Remember, I
was going to wait until I got married. So I just ran away. The next day
I felt so embarrassed, that I never wanted to see him again and was very
glad that he was leaving town.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did he try to talk to you?
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Ms. Green:
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Oh, yes. He called several times a day for a couple of days.
My parents thought I was nuts. But I didn't want to talk to him.
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Dr. Balis:
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So your encounter with Reed was the only one before you
met Bill. Is that correct?
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Ms. Green:
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Yes. I guess this makes me very weird, right? Everyone I
know has had so many men. But I...I just don't know.
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Dr. Balis:
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There is nothing wrong with making a decision not to have
sex.
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Ms. Green:
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Oh I know, Doctor. But other people still think it's somehow
wrong or abnormal. Especially men. You don't know how many times I had
"all adults have sex, so there must be something wrong with you"
conversations. I think we are out of time, Doctor.
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Dr. Balis:
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Yes, you're right. Shell we meet the same time next week?
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Ms. Green:
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Okay. Thursday the 15th at 4 pm.
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Dr. Balis:
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Are you looking at the calendar? Okay, I'll see you then,
Ms. Green. Remember, I'm always here for you if you need to talk, so don't
hesitate to call.
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Ms. Green:
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Thank you, Doctor. Goodbye.
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Dr. Balis:
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Goodbye, Ms. Green.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Anna Green's Communications
