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Ms. Green:
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Hello, Doctor, how are you?
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Dr. Balis:
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Hello, Ms. Green. Fine, thanks. Please sit down. How was
your week?
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Ms. Green:
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I think it was all right. I decided I want to change.
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Dr. Balis:
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Change? How?
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Ms. Green:
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Well, I want men to respect me. I think I'm quite good
looking and I know I'm very smart. So I think men should treat me accordingly,
you know? I want no more Bills in my life. I want a man who would send
me flowers. And not just send them, I want someone who would go to the trouble
of having a chauffeur pick me up in my office and to deliver roses and then
to drive me in a limousine to my date.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's quite elaborate.
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Ms. Green:
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It's not impossible. I know it happens. You know Ms.
Bows? She's one of your patients, I think. She got picked up like that
last Friday. This guy in full uniform walked through the whole company to
find her office and then stood at attention while Ms. Bows considered the
invitation.
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Dr. Balis:
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How do you know?
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Ms. Green:
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I saw it. All of SII saw it, for that matter. As this
chauffeur guy was passing by, we all got out to see where he was going.
He made quite an entrance, you know.
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Dr. Balis:
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So people got out of their offices to see where he was
going?
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Ms. Green:
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Yeah. I thought it was very romantic. I wish more men
treated their ladies like that.
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Dr. Balis:
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Sounds like it was a scene.
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Ms. Green:
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It was. But in a good way, you know? Of course she's married!
Well that's her affair. Sorry about that. But I think everyone was very
happy for Ms. Bows, even if she is cheating on her husband. She's very
nice and she deserves to be treated well. I just think that I'm nice too
and would like for guys to treat me in a similar fashion.
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Dr. Balis:
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Are you looking for guys who attract attention to what
they do for you?
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Ms. Green:
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No, that's not it. It doesn't have to be so over the top.
I just want...just something better. Not like the way Bill treated me.
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Dr. Balis:
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How did Bill treat you? We never really talked about what
happened.
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Ms. Green:
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That's true. Now it all seems so unreal, you know? Things
like this just don't happen to real people. And not to me.
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Dr. Balis:
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Would you like to talk about what happened between
you and Bill?
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Ms. Green:
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I guess so. As I said, we went out together for a few months
before he sort of told me that he was my boyfriend.
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Dr. Balis:
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After the baseball game.
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Ms. Green:
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That's right! I guess you have been paying attention all
this time.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh, yes.
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Ms. Green:
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Thank you, Doctor.
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Dr. Balis:
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Please go on.
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Ms. Green:
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Well, even after we committed to each other in this way,
I still thought that this was just a temporary thing, you know? We go
out, we have some good times, and then move on. I didn't think that this
was it. You know?
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Dr. Balis:
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I understand.
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Ms. Green:
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But Bill kept on pressing and saying that if I ever left
him he'd never be able to replace me. Where could he find someone as wonderful
as me. And on like that.
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Dr. Balis:
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Had you consummated the relationship at this point?
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Ms. Green:
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No. We just did a lot of touching and things like that.
But no actual sex, you know?
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Dr. Balis:
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Did Bill try to pressure you into having sex with him
during this time?
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Ms. Green:
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Yes. We talked about it all the time. But I told him my
position--I didn't want to do it until I thought that this was it. That
he was the guy, you know?
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Dr. Balis:
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The guy you were going to marry?
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Ms. Green:
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Yes. I decided that Reed didn't really count and that I could
sort of think of myself as a virgin still, you know?
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Ms. Green:
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And Bill, as I told you, thought that I was a virgin
too. Well, after a while, he started to speak in a way that made me
feel like he was thinking that he was going to marry me. You understand?
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Dr. Balis:
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Bill made you believe that he was going to ask you
to marry him.
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Ms. Green:
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And not only me. My whole department at SII thought that
too. They all thought that we made such a cute couple and stuff. I guess
I started to think that way after a while too. I sort of made plans in my
head for how things were going to be in the future and Bill was always part
of those plans. At some point, I guess, I started to talk as if we were
going to get married too. It's not like Bill ever asked me to marry him
directly. It just sort of started to feel that way.
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Dr. Balis:
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So from thinking that Bill was just a temporary boyfriend
you moved to thinking that you were going to eventually marry him. Right?
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Ms. Green:
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Right.
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Dr. Balis:
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When did you make love to Bill for the first time?
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Ms. Green:
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I guess it would be somewhere around this time. We
helped a mutual friend move into her new apartment. It took a long time,
so we stayed over at her place and slept on the futon on the floor. I remember
we were lying together on the floor and were looking out of Nina's bay windows
at the city. She did not have curtains or anything yet, so the windows were
big with no distractions. We were tired from moving all those boxes and
it felt nice to lie down and hold each other close. We started to kiss and
somehow it turned into more. Before I knew it, he was naked and...well that's
how it happened.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you like it or did Bill's behavior upset you?
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Ms. Green:
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I don't know. He surprised me sort of. But I did really
like it. It was the first time I had an orgasm in this way. I mean I
touched myself and...you know, like everyone else. But no one else other
than me ever made me come before. Yes, I did like it. And, at that point,
I was already thinking we would be together forever.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you use contraceptives?
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Ms. Green:
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No. It's not like we planned this was going to happen,
you know? And I felt sort of funny about it. I never used one before. I
never needed to really. Using contraceptives made having sex more of
a reality.
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm not sure I follow.
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Ms. Green:
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Well, we would have to go to the store and get some. And
this is like announcing to the whole world that we are having sex. I just
wasn't ready for that.
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Dr. Balis:
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Are you saying you did not use contraceptives the next
time either?
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Ms. Green:
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No. I just wanted to wait a little bit. To get used to
the idea first, you know? Eventually, we used all that stuff.
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Dr. Balis:
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What kind of birth control did you use with Bill?
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Ms. Green:
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Well, we only actually used birth control a couple of
times. It was always so awkward, you know? Once we got these sponges
at a pharmacy. I put it in, but he was able to feel it and then afterwards
the damn thing had a broken string so I couldn't get it out. It was just
horrible. I had these visions of going to the emergency room and telling
the admitting nurse that I had a sponge stuck in me. Oh God! Can you imagine?
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Dr. Balis:
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I understand that it would have been embarrassing. But
I don't think that the sponges are even available anymore.
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Ms. Green:
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Well, all the stuff that is available out there for women
is just deplorable. If men had to do what women do, they would have invented
better stuff so they'd never have to do it. I personally do not want to
take pills. I think it's horrible to give one's body so many chemicals every
day.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you consider using condoms?
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Ms. Green:
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Bill said that they were uncomfortable and that other
girls that he'd been with said that condoms hurt them. He had more experience
in these things than I did, so I just...there is just not a good solution
anyway.
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Dr. Balis:
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What became your standard method of birth control with Bill?
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Ms. Green:
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Bill just knew when to pull out. And that worked,
for a while.
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Dr. Balis:
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You mean you got pregnant?
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Ms. Green:
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Sort of. I mean, I did.
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Dr. Balis:
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What happened?
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Ms. Green:
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I first noticed that my breasts hurt a lot. Just like
when I was a little girl when they just started to grow, you know? Then
I realized that my period was late. I never really kept track of them. I
was so irregular, you know? But after a while, I noticed.
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Dr. Balis:
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What did you do?
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Ms. Green:
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I got really scared. I told Bill and we went out and
got a home pregnancy kit. As you can imagine I tested positive.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Ms. Green:
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Bill wanted me to have an abortion right away. But
I was just not ready. It was all too much. I just needed time to think.
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Dr. Balis:
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Were you considering having the baby?
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Ms. Green:
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I don't know. No? Maybe? It's just that everything was happening
too fast. I only started to have sex a few months ago, you know? It just
wasn't fair. It was just too much.
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Dr. Balis:
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How did Bill react?
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Ms. Green:
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He said that he would pay for the abortion and that he
would take me there and take care of me.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you tell him how you felt?
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Ms. Green:
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I tried. But he kept saying that he wasn't ready for
a family, wasn't ready to be a father. He kept talking about all the
things he was interested in doing and that having children would just not
be the right thing for him right now. Stuff like that.
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Dr. Balis:
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So you had an abortion?
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Ms. Green:
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Bill said that if I decided to keep the child, he would
leave me. He said that to have a child requires the consent of both adults.
And he was just not giving his consent. If I wanted to go ahead, I could.
But it would be just my child and not his.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's interesting logic. Did you mention to him that it
takes two people to conceive a child?
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Ms. Green:
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Bill just lost it. He stopped talking to me. And he
refused to see me. He even avoided me at work. People were asking what's
going on. I just couldn't tell anyone. I mean it was my fault. I was the
one who was so weird about contraception and all that stuff. I finally told
Caren. She just freaked out. She set up an appointment for me at a local
women's clinic and the next day it was over.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you discuss with Caren how you felt?
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Ms. Green:
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I told her that I just...it doesn't matter now, Doctor.
I know it was the right decision. I don't regret it. Well, hardly ever.
Having a child now would have screwed up my life. And I'm not ready to be
a single mother.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you tell Bill that you had an abortion?
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Ms. Green:
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Yes. But I told him...I guess I was really bad.
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Dr. Balis:
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What do you mean?
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Ms. Green:
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I wrote him a message that he is now the father of
one dead child.
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Dr. Balis:
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What did he do?
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Ms. Green:
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He said that I was psychotic and that I needed a head
doctor and that I should leave him alone and never speak to him again. I
never did again.
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Dr. Balis:
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This is important and I'm glad that you've told me about
this. But I'm afraid our time is up. We should pick this up again next week.
Our next session would be then a week from today, Thursday the 22nd at
4 pm. Is that okay?
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Ms. Green:
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I guess so. So next week.
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Dr. Balis:
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Yes. I'll see you then, Ms. Green. Please feel free to
call in the meantime if you need me, okay?
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Ms. Green:
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I will, thank you. Goodbye, Doctor.
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Dr. Balis:
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Goodbye, Ms. Green. See you next week.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Anna Green's Communications
