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Ms. Green:
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Hello, Doctor.
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Dr. Balis:
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Anna! I was really worried about you. Why didn't you return my phone calls?
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Ms. Green:
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I'm sorry, Doctor. I was really having a difficult time.
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Dr. Balis:
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I know. I was hoping to be able to help you. Tell me how are you feeling today?
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Ms. Green:
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I don't know. I'm not really feeling anything.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why don't we talk a little bit about Tony, okay? During our last session together, you mentioned that you thought of Tony as a one night stand. Right?
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Ms. Green:
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Right.
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Dr. Balis:
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But Tony insisted on trying to keep your relationship going.
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Ms. Green:
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Right.
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Dr. Balis:
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Then Tony met someone over the weekend.
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Ms. Green:
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Right.
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Dr. Balis:
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After trying to reach him all weekend and most of Monday, you talked to one of Tony's co-workers and found out about Tony's new relationship.
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Ms. Green:
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Right.
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Dr. Balis:
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Had your feelings for Tony changed dramatically between last Thursday and Monday?
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Ms. Green:
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I don't know.
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Dr. Balis:
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Well let's try to figure it out together, okay?
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Ms. Green:
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Okay.
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Dr. Balis:
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You had a good time with Tony on your trip, but you had no expectations about continuing your relationship long distance.
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Ms. Green:
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Right.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did your feelings for Tony change when he expressed interest and tried to actively pursue you?
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Ms. Green:
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I don't know.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did it make you feel good when Tony called you at work and expressed a lot of interest in developing your relationship?
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Ms. Green:
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I guess so. Yes, it made me feel good.
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Dr. Balis:
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Would it have bothered you if Tony never called you again? I mean if he didn't call you after you came back from LA?
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Ms. Green:
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I'm not sure. It was really nice that he called.
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Dr. Balis:
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Yes it was. But would you have felt as bad as you do right now if he just never called you to begin with?
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Ms. Green:
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I guess it wouldn't have been as bad.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why do you think that?
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Ms. Green:
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Because I set my mind a certain way before. I just sort of filed it under a pleasant affair. But when he kept calling me, I just thought that it might be nice, you know? That it might be nice if it was more.
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Dr. Balis:
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But before that, you didn't consider Tony as a major relationship.
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Ms. Green:
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He was nice, but...
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Dr. Balis:
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Yes?
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Ms. Green:
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But he wasn't all that smart, you know? He just seemed to be very interested in making it in Hollywood. But he wasn't very deep, you know?
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Dr. Balis:
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So you didn't think then that you had a lot in common. Right?
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Ms. Green:
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Right.
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Dr. Balis:
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So why is it so important to you that he might have found someone more suitable for him. You clearly weren't particularly interested in him.
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Ms. Green:
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It's just that he found that person at the same time as me. I mean, I'm happy that he found his soul mate. Tony is nice and deserves to be happy. Oh, bullshit. It's just that he found her now. I thought he was in love with me.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did he ever tell you that?
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Ms. Green:
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No. It just felt like...I know what you mean, Doctor. And it is really terrible of me to feel the way I do.
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Dr. Balis:
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I didn't say that. Feelings just are, they're not good or bad. I just want us to find out why you feel the way you do.
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Ms. Green:
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If he just waited a little bit and then found her, oh I don't know, two weeks from now. It would have been okay with me.
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Dr. Balis:
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So what makes you feel really bad is not the fact that Tony found someone. But the fact that Tony found someone right now.
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Ms. Green:
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I guess if you look at it this way, I shouldn't really be feeling all that bad. Intellectually, I know you're right. But it still feels...
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Dr. Balis:
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Bad?
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Ms. Green:
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Yeah. It's like my self confidence has been undermined somehow. First Bill and now Tony. I really do deserve better.
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Dr. Balis:
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Now this is much better. Remember you came to me and said that you wanted to change. That you want to project an image of a self reliant person who needs to be treated with respect.
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Ms. Green:
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That's not really what I said. But I like your version better. So what do I do?
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Dr. Balis:
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Well let's start by thinking of examples. Who do you know that is treated in the manner that you would like to be?
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Ms. Green:
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You mean like a role model?
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Dr. Balis:
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I don't mean a famous person. But someone who you know and are able to observe in everyday life.
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Ms. Green:
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Well, I did say that I wanted to be treated like Ms. Bows, for example.
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Dr. Balis:
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Good. What are the qualities in Ms. Bows' interpersonal relationships and communications that you admire?
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Ms. Green:
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She always comes across as very confidant, like she knows what she is doing. I think everyone respects her, even though she had an affair. Or even because of it. I heard that her husband isn't very nice.
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Dr. Balis:
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Okay, you mentioned confidence, and respect from others. Anything else?
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Ms. Green:
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I think she is very intelligent. But I am too, so that's not it. I guess it's the feeling of respect that she invokes from others that I admire the most.
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Dr. Balis:
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Good. What do you think makes people respect her?
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Ms. Green:
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Like I said, she is intelligent. She is in command. I also think that she listens to what you have to say. I think that people in general just want to be liked by her, you know?
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Dr. Balis:
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Do you think people want to be liked by you?
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Ms. Green:
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I don't know. I hope so.
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Dr. Balis:
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Let's go back to why people respect Ms. Bows. Can you think of other reasons?
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Ms. Green:
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I guess she doesn't let people push her around.
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Dr. Balis:
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Do you think you let people push you around?
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Ms. Green:
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I guess so. Sometimes.
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Dr. Balis:
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I think I'd like to try something.
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Ms. Green:
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What?
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Dr. Balis:
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I would like for us to work out a Personal Bill of Rights for you.
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Ms. Green:
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That sounds interesting. Like the right to liberty, justice, and so on?
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Dr. Balis:
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Something like that. You said that you let people push you around sometimes. Why is that?
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Ms. Green:
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I don't know. Sometimes it's just really hard to say no to someone, you know? They would keep pressing and pressing and it's just sometimes easier to give in. And sometimes I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
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Dr. Balis:
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Like you didn't want to hurt Caren's feelings when she asked you have sex with her?
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Ms. Green:
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Well, okay, like that.
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Dr. Balis:
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Do you think that Caren would have really wanted you to have sex with her if this is something you didn't want?
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Ms. Green:
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I guess not. But I just couldn't tell her that.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why do you think that?
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Ms. Green:
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I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I told you that. And it wasn't all that bad.
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Dr. Balis:
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Do you think Caren would still be your friend if you said no to her?
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Ms. Green:
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Of course! We've been friends for ages.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you ever say no to Caren?
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Ms. Green:
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Sure. All the time.
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Dr. Balis:
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You didn't say no when she asked you to have sex with her and her boyfriend.
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Ms. Green:
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It's not a big deal. We don't even talk about it anymore.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you like that experience?
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Ms. Green:
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No.
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Dr. Balis:
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As the first article to Anna Green Personal Bill of Rights I would like to propose the right to say no to any sexual encounter of which you are not absolutely in favor. Okay?
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Ms. Green:
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Okay. It sounds like a good rule.
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Dr. Balis:
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I think it's a good rule in general.
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Ms. Green:
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Yes. I think so too. I guess you would be disappointed in me if I told you that I broke that rule?
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Dr. Balis:
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I wouldn't be disappointed in you, Anna. But I would like you to keep this rule in mind when you are faced with making these kind of decisions.
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Ms. Green:
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I had oral sex with David, one of the programmers, on Tuesday.
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Dr. Balis:
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Is it something you wanted?
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Ms. Green:
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Yes. It was nice to be appreciated and wanted.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you like it?
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Ms. Green:
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It was okay.
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Dr. Balis:
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Was it reciprocated?
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Ms. Green:
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No. I didn't want him to.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why not? Did he want to?
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Ms. Green:
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He kept asking me to and telling me just how much he would like to touch me and so on. But I just wasn't into it, you know? It made me feel good to make him feel good. That was enough.
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Dr. Balis:
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Would you have felt good about having intercourse with him?
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Ms. Green:
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I don't know. Maybe. It doesn't matter. I don't think I'm planning on doing anything with him again.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why not?
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Ms. Green:
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I just did it to let him know how good I am. So next time he sees me he would be thinking.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see. Our time is up now. I would like you to try and internalize the First Bill of Rights. And maybe to come up with a few others. What do you think?
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Ms. Green:
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I'll try. Next time I think of sucking someone, I'll think of the Bill of Rights.
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Dr. Balis:
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I mean seriously.
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Ms. Green:
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I know. I know. I'll see you next time Doctor. Tuesday at 4 pm?
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Dr. Balis:
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September 3rd? That's right. Goodbye, Ms. Green.
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Ms. Green:
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Goodbye, Doctor. And I like it when you call me Anna better. It's more personal and you sound like you care.
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Dr. Balis:
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I'll try to remember that, Anna. Goodbye.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Anna Green's Communications
