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Mr. Mazurka:
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Hey, how's it going?
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Dr. Balis:
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Fairly well, how about you, Joe?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Oh I'm great. Really great.
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Dr. Balis:
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Do you really mean that?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Hey, I told you. Just look at me. I'm a new man.
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Dr. Balis:
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Would you like to sit down, or lie on the couch?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Fuck no! I got to move, got to keep going. Sit still
and you freeze up. Lose it or use it. Got to fly or fry; I want to keep
flying, you know?
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Dr. Balis:
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Well, whatever makes you feel more comfortable.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Yeah, I'm comfortable, I'm great. You got to breathe,
get that good spirit going, then you get strong. Can't you tell I'm a
whole different guy? I mean, I was messed up, you know. I was letting my
body just deteriorate; an athlete's body. It was a soft white wormy thing,
with aches and pains like an old man. It was weak...fucking pathetic.
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Dr. Balis:
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You do look somewhat different.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Fucking-A I'm different. You bet. You know I can bench-press
200 pounds? And that's in less than a month. You ever see that old movie...what's
it called? Here Comes Mr. Jordan or something. Anyway, it's about
this boxer who dies, right, but he's reborn into the body of this rich guy.
I don't remember what happened to him, but anyway he sort of looks at himself
and says "I can get this body into shape." Makes the rich guy
into a prizefighter. Remember that one? It's sort of how I feel about
this guy Mazurka. Had a fine body but he let it go to shit.
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Dr. Balis:
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So you've been working out a lot?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Fuck yeah, you don't get pecs like this...hey come on,
check'em out...from shuffling papers, you know? Look at this bicep. See
that shadow there? Didn't used to be there a month ago. Want to arm- wrestle?
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Dr. Balis:
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Uh, no thanks. Say Joe, do you think you could stop pacing
around so much and stay in one place? I think it would really be easier
for us to talk that way...
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Mr. Mazurka:
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I can talk while I'm walking, or standing, or sitting,
or any goddamn thing I want. I'm not afraid of you. You can kiss my ass.
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Dr. Balis:
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Look, Mr. Mazurka, calm down, stop pacing, and show me
some respect.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Okay, sorry. I guess my mouth's been running away with
me a little lately. No offense.
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Dr. Balis:
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So lately, have you often been feeling unusually agitated?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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How do you mean?
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Dr. Balis:
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Violent surges of emotion, mood swings, anything like
that?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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I don't know. Seems to me I've been enjoying things
more. Is that what you mean?
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Dr. Balis:
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What sort of things?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Just little things. Like watching TV.
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Dr. Balis:
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Anything particular?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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It's just so beautiful, you know, like what they
can do. Like when this guy got shot, right? They go to slow motion, and
you know he's going to get it; then he slowly turns and you see the bullets
ripping through him, tearing out those big flames of blood through his back.
Or when they cut off a guy's head, and you can see the stretched out ends
of the arteries, and you can actually count the pulses as they squirt. With
slow motion, the blood can just sort of hang there in space, making these
great shapes in the air.
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Dr. Balis:
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Is that mostly what you watch?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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I watch all kinds of stuff. You can rent shit now you
wouldn't believe. But not snuff films. That's all fake anyway.
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Dr. Balis:
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How does it make you feel to watch violent movies?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Violent? What's the matter, you don't like action? You
like those movies where everybody sits around drinking tea and talking and
talking. I mean, if you like that shit, that's okay I guess, but I like
it when something happens once in a while. Even the nature shows are better.
I saw a lion rip up a gazelle just like that. It was gorgeous.
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Dr. Balis:
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Right. So you have generally been feeling better about
things?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Except for things that piss me off. Maybe it's part
of feeling stronger, but I'm through taking shit from people, you know?
I took it and took it, but I've had it up to here and I'm through. I
mean, if you're in good enough shape that you could take the average guy
and rip his throat out with one hand, then you look at things a little different,
right?
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Dr. Balis:
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Have you been getting into more conflicts with other people?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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No, I think I've been getting more respect. Just
looking people straight in the eye instead of looking away. Most people
back down if I give'em the shiteye stare. Hardly anybody wants to start
something with me. And if they did I'd finish it.
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Dr. Balis:
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Or they you. Look, I think we should probably discontinue
that medication I prescribed. There are such things as paradoxical effects--side
effects that are very unusual and opposite from those we usually expect
the drug to have.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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But why? That stuff really turned my head around, it
sort of balanced out the other...
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Dr. Balis:
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What other?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Nothing. I mean it balanced out my other side, you know,
my personality.
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Dr. Balis:
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Have you been taking any other drugs or medications
besides the one I prescribed? This could be really dangerous, Joe. I
mean it. It's common for drugs that are perfectly harmless, or nearly, when
taken alone to have really terrible side effects when combined.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Uh no, they said this stuff was safe.
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Dr. Balis:
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What stuff?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Well, you know, I'd been letting myself slide so long.
I needed something to sort of jump-start my muscles growing again. And
I've been feeling great, honest. But that stuff you gave me really helps.
I don't know, it makes me feel happier. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't
feel happy.
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Dr. Balis:
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So you're taking some kind of anabolic steroids?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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They call it "a shot in the arm" down at the
gym. I don't really know what's in it, but it works good.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did you know those chemicals can seriously compromise
your system? They have been known to cause liver failure in otherwise healthy
men and that's not even getting into the psychological effects. And in combination
with Prozac, that's asking for trouble.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Okay, Doc, I'll stop taking the shots, even though
it's done me nothing but good so far. Just don't cut off the other, okay?
But I'm not going back to what I was before, got it? There's no way I'm
going to be the miserable weakling that everybody dumps their shit on. Not
me, no way.
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Dr. Balis:
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I wouldn't say that was the impression you gave. But nobody
is telling you to be weak. It's a strong man that takes charge of his life,
and that's what I've been urging you to do. If you promise not to take
any other drugs we can continue the Prozac, but you have to treat all
drugs with respect, or they will do more harm than good; believe me, I've
seen what can happen and it's not pretty. So we'll see you again in a week?
That's August 19th at 4 pm.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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I guess. Yeah. Okay, I'll see you then.
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Dr. Balis:
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And I have your promise on the drugs?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Yeah right. See you.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Joseph Mazurka's Therapy Sessions
