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Dr. Balis:
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Hello Joe, I haven't seen you for a while. What's up?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Wouldn't you like to know. Actually I have a few questions I want to ask you.
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Dr. Balis:
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Like what?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Like how the fuck did those guys in Programming figure out that I was in the militia movement? You are the only person I've said anything to about any of that shit and you said it was confidential, right?
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Dr. Balis:
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Absolutely. I haven't shared the contents of these sessions with anybody, period. And I certainly never talked about you with anybody in Programming. Maybe one of your buddies from the gun range knows one of them and they got to talking about you.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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I don't think so. You take notes during these sessions, don't you?
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Dr. Balis:
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Yes.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Where do you keep the notes?
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Dr. Balis:
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On this laptop computer which I keep with me.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Is it on a network or anything?
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Dr. Balis:
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No, it's totally secure. What exactly happened to make you feel it wasn't?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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It was weird. I hardly ever have anything to do with these guys, right? But I'd seen them around the company some. So I'm in the cafeteria and this tall guy with glasses buttonholes me and says "We've had our eyes on you and we know you're a Patriot." And I say, "So, what of it, is that a crime these days?" And he says, "It will be soon, if somebody doesn't do something about it." So I ask him what he's going to do and he says he's got a lot of good ideas but he can't talk about them right then. I guess him and some of the guys around here got to talking about how fucked-up this government is and what could be done. And somehow my name came up and I wanted to know--why me? But he wasn't sure, I'd have to come to this meeting to find out. So what the fuck, I met them in a booth in the back of a bar, and there wasn't anybody there I'd talked to about anything but maybe football. A couple were from the company, and there were three I'd never seen before including an Irishman, of all things. Some kind of expert, I guess. When I asked them how they'd heard about me, they got real vague on me, just sort of hinted about walls having ears and that kind of crap. They did show me some cool spy equipment, I'll say that. I knew you can get this stuff over the counter now, but this was the pro stuff. I've always wanted a night vision scope myself and the one they showed me left the ones I've tried in the dust. They had a listening laser too--you can just point it at a window and hear what's being said. We tried it outside the bar. Maybe they bugged you with that.
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Dr. Balis:
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I don't think so. I'm not saying that there aren't lots of ways people can find personal information, especially if they are good with computers. Why do you think they were interested in you?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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I'm not sure. But they seemed to have a lot of savvy. They were into a lot of high-tech ways to bring the country to its knees, if you know what I mean. There isn't much that doesn't rely on computers anymore, if you think about it, and these guys are pros--they can hack in anywhere. Yeah, and if they find out I've told you this much about them, at least we'll know where the leak is coming from. That's when you find me dead.
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Dr. Balis:
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You wouldn't be getting a little bit paranoid now? Seen too many suspense dramas? You don't need to have anything to do with these people and I suggest you don't. Maybe we should focus on the real issues in your life and not get carried away into Fantasyland.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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What real issues? I'm living in a total vacuum these days, didn't you know that? These guys are right on my wavelength and I think I'm going to hang with them a while, if only to see if they can walk the walk, not just talk the talk. I wish I knew what the fuck they wanted with me is all. Especially the Irishman, I can't suss him out at all. I mean a native-born American has a certain stake in how things come out, but this guy--I can't figure his angle. A lot of Micks are just down on the whole system, maybe he's one of them, lumping us in with the Brits. But hey, I'll go along for the ride, what have I got to lose?
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Dr. Balis:
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Your life, for one thing. Should I consider this a cry for help? Are you signing up to be some kind of suicide bomber? What do you think these guys want you for, your savoir-faire?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Well, they've got the smarts, maybe they don't have the balls. Maybe they just like my style.
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Dr. Balis:
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If they really had been listening to our sessions--I really don't think they did, but just suppose--they would have heard a man gradually deteriorate, losing his wife and children through his own brutality, getting into drugs, guns, and sexual assault, fantasizing about race war and militias; a man who is on a swift downhill trajectory and seems ready to do some kind of violent act--what do you think they might want with a man like that? Come on Joe, at least you're not stupid; use what's left of your brain and tell me.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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I don't know Doc, maybe we'll just have to see how it works out. There's just so much one man alone can do. But I shouldn't be shooting off my mouth about this shit--and you never heard it, right?
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Dr. Balis:
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Like I said, everything you tell me is strictly confidential. But you're really pushing the envelope here. We're supposed to be talking about you and your personal problems, not the crimes you plan to commit. I wish we could get back on track.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Yeah, my personal problems. My main personal problem is being horny. The bitches in this town are unreal; try to strike up a conversation with a woman and it's like you're Jack the Ripper. I can't tell you how many have gone into their Kung Fu stance when I came over and said hello. I think they can smell desperation and if no other woman's got me, they don't want me; there must be something wrong with me. Like that gorgeous weird chick I told you about--I saw her again: at work as a matter of fact. She looked at me and just kept going, stone-faced. Not even a "Hi Joe," not to mention thanks or anything. And I really put myself out for her. It just goes to show... I wonder if she works at SII? Somebody should teach her better manners. But anyway, I guess you're not going to help me with that one...
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Dr. Balis:
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You're a fine one to be talking about manners. It sounded like a case of rape to me. I think you should face facts, take responsibility for your actions, and not try to justify every bad thing you do.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Look you're a shrink, not a priest, so quit preaching. I'm not asking you, or God, to forgive me either. And I don't know why you keep on with that rape thing, I didn't do anything any red-blooded man wouldn't do. I just don't get it.
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Dr. Balis:
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So it seems. Is there anything else you want to talk about? How are things at work?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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I'm hanging in there--autopilot's a wonderful thing. But I purely couldn't give a shit any more, and I think people are starting to realize that. You get a lot more respect when people know you couldn't care less. Most of them leave me alone. When they get in my face they usually back off pretty fast.
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Dr. Balis:
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How do you do that?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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I'm honest with them, that's all. Honesty is the best policy, you know. I tell them exactly what I think of them--I've had women burst into tears. Men just sort of go red, most of them don't say anything, they just split.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh, wonderful. How much longer do you think you are going to represent your company if you act like that? Do you intend to lose your job too?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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I've got job security, because the guy that would have to fire me--I know where he lives. He doesn't love the company more than his life; I don't think any of them do. So I'm fine, I can work here as long as I live. But who knows how long that's going to be?
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Dr. Balis:
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Great. Well on that note, we're about out of time, is there any chance you would try some medication?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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What's with this medication all the time? You got some pill that will bring my kids back? How about one that will get me laid? I'd take that. What makes you think I can solve my problems with medication?
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Dr. Balis:
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I think a little attitude adjustment would do you a lot of good. It would certainly make this easier for me. If you can do it without drugs that's fine, but I don't see any sign of it. If you lift the underlying depression a bit, things might not seem so bleak.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Okay, why don't you give me a prescription for reefer? They just made it legal. That might mellow me out.
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Dr. Balis:
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Uh, I don't think so. You definitely don't need anything to make you more paranoid than you already are and some people react that way, you know. The only medically established use for marijuana in any form is as an anti-nausea drug; there's no reason to start using it as a tranquilizer when there are so many safe and predictable drugs out there. For you, I can't advise it. Sorry. How about Zoloft?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Fuck that--I'm out of here.
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Dr. Balis:
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Goodbye Joe.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Joseph Mazurka's Therapy Sessions
