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Mr. Mazurka:
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Hi Doc.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hello Joe. I didn't really expect to see you today.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Why not? It's my regular time isn't it?
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Dr. Balis:
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Yes, but I thought you were discontinuing our sessions. I didn't think we were making much progress either, for that matter.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Maybe it's just a habit. It's good to have somebody to talk to about some of this shit. I don't know who else I'd be able to lay it on. And besides, it's like insurance.
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Dr. Balis:
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What do you mean?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Hanging with those guys I told you about; I could disappear without a trace. I'd like someone to know what happened if I just vanished someday.
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Dr. Balis:
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How would I know what happened?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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You could take a wild guess anyway. These guys don't seem like the kind that mess around.
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Dr. Balis:
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So why associate with them at all? How does it help you in any way?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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They could help me a lot, if they wanted to. They said they'd help me find my wife and kids; the cops sure haven't been much help--if anything, they wanted to pin something on me. But now I'm in touch with some people who know what they're doing.
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Dr. Balis:
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Even assuming you do find Carol, what good does that do you? If she doesn't want to live with you, you can't force her to.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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We'll see. If I could just talk to her, face to face...
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Dr. Balis:
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Then you think you could intimidate her, and everything would be okay again? Is that it?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Call it what you want. She's got to know she can't hide from me like she's been doing. And you can't do anything these days without leaving traces in some fucking computer or other. If she needs to renew her license, the DMV computer pops her right up. If she uses a credit card, a computer's going to show what she bought and the address of the store. If she applies for a phone, or utilities, or food stamps, I've got her. We can get in anywhere--they showed me how easy it is.
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Dr. Balis:
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And in return for all this help, what do your new pals want from you? Have you gotten to that part yet?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Look, you may not think so but there's a lot I can do. We've discussed several ideas.
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Dr. Balis:
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Such as?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Uh, this probably isn't the time to get into specifics.
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Dr. Balis:
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But I can read about it in the newspapers, is that it?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Only if something goes wrong...But that's not going to happen. These guys run a tight ship. They know what they're doing and I fit right in. This is going to be big, really big. I've always wanted to make a difference and this is my chance. I know you think I'm a real loser, but guys like me can change history. Once a guy stops just worrying about himself and looks at the big issues, he can count for a lot.
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Dr. Balis:
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So you've found some big idea you want to sacrifice your life for, is that it? Don't you think you might be fooling yourself? Don't you think you might be a pawn in a game you don't even understand?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Hey, when soldiers are ready to lay down their lives for their country, nobody says this shit to them. And they've got a lot more to lose than me. Besides if everything goes right, I could make some money on this...
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Dr. Balis:
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I thought you were doing this out of idealism, a sacrifice for the greater good kind of thing. Now it sounds like you're talking straight crime; what's going on?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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I'm in a big hole, right? My cards got yanked and I'm living paycheck to paycheck, but the IRS just garnished my fucking check behind some total bullshit I couldn't even understand, so I got all these guys knocking on the door and "where's my money, motherfucker," and these aren't guys that like waiting. What's the use of going to work if you don't get the fucking money? Anyway, if I'm stuck in a deep pit and somebody throws me a rope, I'm not going to say no, right? I'm not going to ask him why he threw the rope and and I really don't even give a shit, at least not until I'm out of the hole.
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Dr. Balis:
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Look. If you've got income tax problems, you go to a tax attorney, maybe you can get it straightened out. You don't go out and commit crimes, not if you've got any brains at all. You made the money legally, you probably just have to agree to a payment plan.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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The guys I borrowed from, they don't believe in payment plans.
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Dr. Balis:
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Come on, this doesn't have anything to do with therapy, and I'm getting really uncomfortable with the position you're putting me in. If you wanted to try and work to improve your state of mind, I could have helped you, but I'm not going to get involved in your dealings with your creditors or your criminal friends. And if you're determined to go straight to Hell, I really can't stop you. What is there to talk about, the quickest path?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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I guess that's about the size of it.
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Dr. Balis:
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Well in that case, you're doing great. I can't think of anything more you can do to destroy yourself. Why don't you just leave me out of it? Come back if you change your mind, okay?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Does this mean you're throwing me out?
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Dr. Balis:
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Joe, what do you expect from me? I don't feel I'm helping you, and I don't think you even want me to. Therapy isn't something I can do to you in spite of yourself; all I can do is guide your progress. I think you know that.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Well, it's been fun anyway.
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Dr. Balis:
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Maybe for you. It's made me feel terrible. I feel like I've failed with you, but I honestly don't know what I could have done.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Oh come on, it's not your fault. I'm just a magnet for trouble; bad things keep happening to me. I don't know what you could have done about it. Just one more thing.
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Dr. Balis:
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What?
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Come here. Let me tell you in your ear. Watch out for the Irishman; he's a killer.
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Dr. Balis:
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If that's what you think then stay away, for God's sake.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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It's too late, I'm in too deep. But it's been nice knowing you, okay?
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Dr. Balis:
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Look I tried. If you'd given me any help, it might have been different.
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Mr. Mazurka:
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Whatever. Goodbye Doc.
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Dr. Balis:
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Goodbye Joe.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Joseph Mazurka's Therapy Sessions
