Saturday, November 7, 1998
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Sunday, November 8, 1998
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Monday, November 9, 1998
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Tuesday, November 10, 1998
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12 pm. Seventh Session with Madeline Trent. Madeline arrived today about half an hour late for her session. She was accompanied by her friend, Sammy, who was somewhat flamboyantly stoned on marijuana. Madeline, too, was clearly under its influence. Sammy embarrassed Madeline intentionally by telling me about their Cheech and Chong routine and by disclosing that Madeline has a vibrator she anthropomorphises as "Big Bubba" and whose existence remains unknown to Jessie. Madeline told me that she hasn't smoked marijuana since college and she tried to give me a joint, which I waved off. I told Madeline that she wasn't in a condition which favored therapy and suggested that we end the session early.
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Wednesday, November 11, 1998
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5 pm. Sixty-Seventh Session with Alex Rozzi. When Alex arrived for his session today, he was furious with me because of my previous skepticism regarding his story about what happened the night that Benny was assaulted. I told him straight out that I thought he had omitted some important information about that night. Alex admitted that he had. He told me that he had been raped by Benny that night. Alex told me that Benny has been working out in prison and used his superior strength to overwhelm and then rape him. Apparently, Alex was seen by a doctor who used a rape kit to collect evidence--Alex reported that he suffered from rectal bleeding for days afterwards. Obviously, I'm very disturbed by the idea that Benny raped Alex. And I want to believe Alex's story--he's generally been truthful with me. I still have some skepticism, however, and I'm also not unaware of the possibility that Alex may have engaged in consensual rough sex with Benny and is now latching onto that as an explanation for the torture video. It's possible that even if he had consented initially, afterwards he would have reacted with violence. The truth is that Benny's emotional effect on Alex is too extreme to be easily predicted. Even Alex has no idea. I probably would believe Alex's story without reservation if it didn't have the extremely fortuitous circumstance of another party bursting in Benny's house and being responsible for all his after-acquired injuries. I mentioned that these people would have been caught on the video tape, and Alex professed surprise, as if it hadn't occurred to him. But then he said that Cecil had said something similar. That struck me wrong. If I was languishing in prison and there was a possibility that a videotape existed which exonerated me, I would be thinking of little else. Even if he hadn't thought of it originally, he would have latched onto Cecil's suggestion. It leads me to believe that Alex knows that the video doesn't contain footage of Benny's subsequent attackers. Alex told me that his mother and Mark have forbidden him from coming to their house, and that Ralph, too, is angry with him. Alex said that the only person who has come through for him was Katherine. She bailed out of prison and has taken to clarifying things for Alex so that he can gain perspective on his problems. Alex worships her. She explained that it would be a personal betrayal if Alex skipped bail, and I genuinely think he won't, even though I suspect that he's in considerably more trouble than he realizes.
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Thursday, November 12, 1998
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10 am. Sixth Session with Herbert Michel. I've got a monster for a patient. I sat through this session, blandly responding to his hideous descriptions of beating and forcibly sodomizing his pregnant wife, and all the while I tried to think of ways to involuntarily commit him or, better yet, to turn him over to the police. But I'm bound by my ethics to stay mute and protect him. Although I think he is a danger to others, especially Lenore, I can't honestly say either that the danger is imminent or that I think he is committable. So I have to pretend not to be shocked while he tells me about the inadequacy of Nikes when kicking his wife's stomach. He told me that he is going to stop taking methamphetamines, which would certainly be a good start. The best I can do is to try to keep Lenore away from this drug-crazed raping violent misogynist. I don't pretend to even know where to start therapy on this guy. The best I can do is try to get him to see how outrageous his conduct is from an outside perspective. But I really hold out little prospect for Herbert getting better.
4 pm. Ninety-Eighth Session with Anna Green. Anna complained of a persistent headache that she got by going to loud S&M clubs this week. She's going at the request of the San Francisco Police, posing as a submissive to Officer Trevor's dominant. Apparently, they're continuing their investigation into Kathy's disappearance and they now believe that she's with Gray, as Martin and Anna reported earlier. I'm not sure why they are continuing to investigate--I would expect the police to assume that Kathy's there of her own free will and let it go at that. The police got Lloyd Major's permission for Anna to be involved in their investigation, and he immediately pumped Anna for information about the details. Apparently, the fact that Anna is assisting the police in an investigation into her ex-roommates disappearance is now common knowledge around SII. Anna went into some detail about the seamy underbelly of the S&M haunts which she's been frequenting. Her role, apparently, is to provide window-dressing to allow Trevor to be convincing in his undercover identity as a top.
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Friday, November 13, 1998
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Charles Balis' Personal Diary & Log