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Ms. Green:
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Hello, Doctor Balis. Isn't it a wonderful day? I love when it's warm enough to wear shorts to the office. You know, one of the receptionists actually asked me if I was wearing anything under my t-shirt? What was she thinking about? I know my t-shirt is rather large, but just because you don't see someone's underwear do you assume that they don't have any on?
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Dr. Balis:
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Hello, Anna. You're in an interesting mood today.
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Ms. Green:
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Today was a very good day, for the first time in a long while.
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Dr. Balis:
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Really?
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Ms. Green:
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Yeah. I got the assignment I wanted at work--I won't bore you with the details. Caren and Greg asked me to be in their wedding party--as a maid of honor, of course. It's warm and the sun is shining. What more could one ask for?
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Dr. Balis:
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I guess I would ask about Martin.
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Ms. Green:
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Oh yeah, I had a very long and interesting conversation with Martin.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh?
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Ms. Green:
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I took your advice, Doctor.
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Dr. Balis:
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And what was that?
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Ms. Green:
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You said that spending my life hiding out from god knows what is silly. You told me to go and confront Martin. And I did.
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Dr. Balis:
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Sounds like it went well.
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Ms. Green:
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Very well.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see. So Martin is content with leaving you alone now?
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Ms. Green:
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Well, that's not exactly what happened.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh?
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Ms. Green:
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Before you jump on me for saying that Martin and I are sort of back together, Doctor, let me explain what happened, okay?
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Dr. Balis:
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Sure, Anna. I'm here to listen...
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Ms. Green:
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As you know, I spent all last week hiding out. I was terrified of confronting Martin. I thought that if I faced him, he would undermine my resolve to never socialize or associate with him ever again.
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Dr. Balis:
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Sounds like you were right.
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Ms. Green:
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I guess you could look at it that way. But no matter. Last Monday, I decided to take my life back under my control. I moved back into my apartment and resolved not to let Martin rule my life any more.
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Dr. Balis:
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That was good.
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Ms. Green:
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Absolutely. It was getting ridiculous. I was living out of my purse--carrying my toothbrush and a spare pair of underwear with me wherever I went. I was beginning to feel like a homeless person. I was imposing on my friends. I was asking my boss to do favors for me. And all because of a guy. And it's not like this guy wanted to kill me or to hurt me. Martin just wanted to talk to me.
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Dr. Balis:
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If all Martin wanted was to talk to you, he wouldn't have moved to the Bay Area and gotten a job in the same company you work for.
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Ms. Green:
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I wasn't answering his calls or his mail...
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Dr. Balis:
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I think a simple visit to San Francisco would have sufficed, don't you think?
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Ms. Green:
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I suppose so. But I'm glad that he's here now.
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Dr. Balis:
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I gathered that.
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Ms. Green:
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So as I was saying, I moved back into my place on Monday. I went to work like normal on Tuesday. Martin approached me that afternoon. It was amazing just how many people rushed to my rescue. But I told everyone that I could handle it, and Martin and I were left alone to talk.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Ms. Green:
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I had this whole speech in my head prepared. I was going to tell Martin that I just couldn't be with him even if we were to be friends and nothing more. I was going to tell him that I thought he was a very smart guy, but there was just too much emotional baggage between us and...you get the idea.
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Dr. Balis:
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You had a whole "Dear John" speech in your head.
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Ms. Green:
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Precisely. I thought it was good--I wasn't planning on attacking him or anything. I just wanted to tell him to go away and never bother me again.
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Dr. Balis:
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So did you tell him all that?
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Ms. Green:
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It didn't quite happened that way. Martin insisted that if we were going to have a serious conversation, that I at least allow it to happen in private and not in SII's hallway where everyone was looking. I can understand not wanting your co-workers see you get emotional and stuff, so I had to agree.
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Dr. Balis:
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Where and when did Martin want to talk with you?
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Ms. Green:
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At first, I assumed that he would push to go to dinner with me. But that's not at all what happened. He really did want to talk to me privately. And because he knew that I would worry about being alone with him, he suggested going to a park. That way, we could have a private conversation and I would still feel safe with all the people around us. So Wednesday after work we went to Golden Gate park. Do you know the area around Stow Lake?
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Dr. Balis:
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No.
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Ms. Green:
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It's very nice. There's a large walking trail all the way around this tiny island. We went all the way to the top. There is a spectacular view there. We ended up staying till sunset--it was gorgeous!
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Dr. Balis:
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I'll have to check it out some time.
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Ms. Green:
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You should, you really should. And there are so many other surprises in that park. I've been going for years and still...
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Dr. Balis:
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So what did you talk about with Martin?
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Ms. Green:
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We talked about my experience with Gray. Martin said that he never knew that I didn't consent to having sex with him. He said that it's an unwritten but highly respected rule in S&M community--the participants in a scene have to agree on all the details ahead of time. There should never be any surprises. He said that problems arise when a person has to give his or her consent during the event. At that time, they might not be in full control of their own actions. They might consent to something when they're in "bottom space" that they would never consent to when they weren't under the influence, so to speak. And it does make sense. It's like taking advantage of someone when they're drunk or something. The whole thing for me was that I was completely out of control. Gray was in charge of every little detail. My life was in his hands. When we did it at the end, I didn't have any choice. I had to do it.
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Dr. Balis:
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As I remember it, you wanted to have sex with Gray.
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Ms. Green:
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Martin said that that happens a lot. A lot of people who experience bottom space, especially for the first time, have a desire to consummate the relationship with their master through sex. But Martin said that he was extremely upset that Gray took advantage of me like that. He said that he always assumed that it was my intention from the start to have sex with Gray and that Gray and I talked about it when we first met. That's why Martin reacted the way he did on the phone when I told him about my night with Gray--he thought that it was my expressed desire to do what I did.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see.
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Ms. Green:
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Martin said that since I told him that I was doing research on S&M culture and rituals and had a friend to talk to about it, that I knew and understood what I was doing. He was very sorry and extremely apologetic that he took such bad care of me. He said that he felt like he let me down.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Ms. Green:
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Oh, I think he was very sincere, Doctor. When I didn't let him have an opportunity to talk with me--I mean after the Gray thing--Martin realized that the only way that he could reach me was by actually coming out here in person. But he was worried that if he didn't keep in touch with me in some way before then, I would completely lose all interest in him and forget him. So he kept calling and leaving me long messages telling me about his life, and how he feels, and how he misses me--keeping me involved in his life. And it's true. If he just left me alone, I think I would have gotten over him and would have been able to move-on with my life. But because he kept calling and trying, I could never feel that our relationship was over. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I always pondered what-if questions.
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Dr. Balis:
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That was very smart of Martin.
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Ms. Green:
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Yes.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why did he lie about his graduation? And why did he not tell you that he got a job with SII?
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Ms. Green:
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He was afraid that I would completely freak if I found out. And in fact, that's exactly what happened. I didn't handle it well.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Ms. Green:
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Martin said that he was going to try a romantic approach first. That's why he made the drawing on the sidewalk in front of my building. When he saw my reaction to it--apparently he was somewhere close by watching me--Martin realized that he would have to try some other way of reaching me. He said that he didn't want to scare me or make me feel like he was stalking me. All he wanted was a chance.
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Dr. Balis:
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And you gave it to him.
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Ms. Green:
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He really cares about me, Doctor. It was touching just how much he cared.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm. Did you talk about anything else last night?
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Ms. Green:
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I tried to explain to him what my feelings about S&M were.
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Dr. Balis:
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And?
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Ms. Green:
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He said that he understood me, Doctor. He said that it doesn't have to be all or nothing with him.
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Dr. Balis:
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What does that mean?
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Ms. Green:
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He doesn't need to always do it that way. He said that vanilla sex is fun too, once in a while.
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Dr. Balis:
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Vanilla sex? How open-minded of him.
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Ms. Green:
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Doctor!
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Dr. Balis:
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Sorry. What else did Martin tell you?
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Ms. Green:
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He said that he would like to try again. We could take it really slow this time. We no longer have the time or distance constraints so we don't need to rush.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see.
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Ms. Green:
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And we joked around a bit about the fact that we both like being bottoms.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's a problem. Does Martin have any sensible solutions?
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Ms. Green:
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He was saying that we could get a mistress for the both of us...Doctor! It was only a joke.
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Dr. Balis:
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So what are you going to do, Anna?
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Ms. Green:
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I think I'd like to try it. As I said, we'll go real slow. I have no intentions of jumping into this, Doctor.
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Dr. Balis:
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Do you have plans for this weekend?
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Ms. Green:
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We thought about going on a movie date. Nothing too much, just meeting at a movie theater and then going to our respective homes afterwards.
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Dr. Balis:
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Not even a cup of coffee?
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Ms. Green:
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I think not this time. Don't worry so much, Doctor Balis. I'm not being foolish. I just want to know if Martin is one of those people that I'll end-up knowing all my life in one capacity or another.
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Dr. Balis:
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I think you're making a mistake, Anna. I think it would be best if you put that relationship to rest.
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Ms. Green:
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I know how you feel, Doctor. But really, I'm just...I won't do anything stupid. I promise. Okay, I've got to go. I'll see you next week.
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Dr. Balis:
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Remember that you can always call me, if you need to.
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Ms. Green:
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I know, Doctor. Good night.
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Dr. Balis:
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Goodbye, Anna.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Anna Green's Communications
