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Mr. Hossfeld:
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Hi Doctor Balis.
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Dr. Balis:
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Ah Peter. Hello. How are you?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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Some things are going great, others not so good.
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Dr. Balis:
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Do I get the good news first or the bad?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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Uh, let's do the good news. I'm really making progress on the astral plane.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh? What kind of progress?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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It's like exploring another world--a different dimension of reality. Different rules apply, but I'm learning them. I'm getting more control. I can fly now.
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Dr. Balis:
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Fly? In your dream?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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It's not a dream, it's a vision, a quest. And yes, since you aren't dragging a body around with you, you can flow through the atmosphere quite easily.
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Dr. Balis:
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You say you're on a quest. What for?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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There you go again, linear thinking. Can't the quest be its own object? Does there always have to be a definable goal? What if I tell you that I'll know when I get there?
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Dr. Balis:
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That's okay with me. I was just asking if you had some plan in mind, somewhere you were going with all this. Your answer, I take it, is no. That's fine. I'm not here to pass judgment, I'm just trying to help you with whatever's troubling you. But I've got to tell you I have a problem with the recreational use of epilepsy, even if you don't. This is not something to mess around with, believe me.
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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This sounds like what people have told every explorer since time began. "You'll get eaten by a bear," "You'll fall off the end of the earth," "There's no such thing as e.s.p." But I happen to know you're wrong. Don't you think there's a reason why epileptics have been oracles since the beginning of time? I've been reading up on this--did you know Julius Caesar was an epileptic? Maybe that had something to do with why he always won his battles. No great feat for a time-traveler, is it? There's no way you can push your limited world view on me, now that I've seen what I've seen. I've been places, done things in what you call my dreams, things you couldn't even imagine.
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Dr. Balis:
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Like what?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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You want me to tell you about one that just happened?
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Dr. Balis:
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Please, if you don't mind.
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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Okay. I'm there in the other dimension and I see something: sort of a flickering form of light, moving, flying above me, around me. I follow it. I'm led on a weightless dance--pure movement without the body's drag. It's the most wonderful thing I've ever done, soaring and plunging over a terrain of pinnacles and pastel clouds. We start glowing, light pours from our centers with brilliant-colored pulses. Plumes of energy like solar flares interlace between us. And then a figure starts to materialize from reflections of light, hazy at first, then more distinct. I can see it's a woman and I realize that my body is reappearing as well. We reach out to each other, but I'm being drawn back into my body, and just as I look into her eyes, the whole scene starts to fade and I'm back in front of my monitor with Serena holding my hand and looking at me.
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Dr. Balis:
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Was she the woman you saw in your vision?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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No, not at all. This was someone totally different. It seemed she had something to say to me, but I was pulled away before she could say it. I think Serena pulled me back on purpose, like she sensed a threat. Sometimes it seems like I'd be better off going on by myself, but she knows a lot more than me about the entities I have to deal with out there. And she told me herself that the only reason I'm having such good experiences is because of her protective powers. There's a lot of heavy stuff you've got to deal with if you're on the astral plane a lot and I guess I need all the help I can get. But I wish I could have stayed just a little longer...
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Dr. Balis:
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It's probably a good idea to have somebody present when you're doing this, if only to call the paramedics in an emergency. I've got to say I'm worried about you and I think you should seriously consider dropping this practice if you want to preserve your health in the long term. With luck, you might not have seizures any more if you don't provoke them like you've been doing; you could be just fine, even without drugs. Go on like you have and you may find you can't control them any more.
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before. Can't we just say that your idea of what life can be differs from mine and leave it at that? What about my vision? Can you blame me for not wanting to give up something so beautiful? And for what, to be a cog in the SII machine? Give me a break!
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Dr. Balis:
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Look, I'm not putting down your vision; if you say it was beautiful, I believe you, all right? What about the rest of your life? This was just the good news. What bad things happened?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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It's not like that. Nothing terribly bad, just petty material-plane stuff. I hate getting bogged down in this emotional shit. It's amazing that you can connect with someone on some levels so well, and on other ones not at all. Like Serena--such a wonderful teacher and guide--but she was starting to act like we were married or something. Always being there when I came home--I 'd given her a key to my place--and she started cooking and cleaning up and she even moved some of her stuff over. I tried to explain to her that I considered her a valuable helper and everything, but that I didn't want to bring our relationship down to the level of daily life, you know? She got really pissed off, started telling me how all my exploration has been at her expense and I've been using up her psychic powers. I tell her I don't know how I'm supposed to have done that. Then she starts throwing the sex thing at me, telling me I'm using her without giving her my male energy--the whole tantric deal was her idea in the first place. Well I got her calmed down, but not before she'd screamed a bunch of stuff at me, like how I'd better treat her right or she'd put some kind of curse on me! So I couldn't tell her I needed more space. She's in my life as much as ever. She's starting to give me orders too: little stuff, like go there, do this, but not asking me if I'd like to, telling me. Then she stares at me with those big green eyes, like she's hypnotizing me.
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Dr. Balis:
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Do you do what she tells you?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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I guess I do. It's easier than arguing with her. She's got a wicked temper.
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Dr. Balis:
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What makes you think so?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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Well, she's a very proud woman. She knows she's something special and expects to be treated that way. If she gets crossed in the smallest thing, she flies into a rage--you know there's nothing she wouldn't do, she gets really wild. Not that she's always biting and throwing things, but I've seen her give out a look that's pure poison. Have you ever heard of malocchio, the evil eye? Maybe you thought it was superstition, but I know for a fact that it's real. A guy came over--a friend of mine from work--and I don't know, maybe he'd had a drink or two, and we started talking about Serena. He's saying stuff like, "Why don't you dump that withered old cunt?" And suddenly she's standing there, with this terrible expression on her face. I guess she was in the bedroom listening the whole time. So he splits real quick, but the next day he doesn't come to work. We hear he's been in this auto wreck and put his head through the windshield of his car. Yesterday he came back, bandages all over his face; you can tell he'll never look the same.
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Dr. Balis:
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The fact that a man who'd been drinking got in a car accident doesn't prove anything to me about the evil eye, But I don't want to waste our time arguing about this, we're not going to settle the issue in any case. If you believe in the evil eye, then that's what counts here, not whether I do or not. Are you really afraid that this woman could harm you by psychic means?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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Oh, I know she could. It's a question of whether she would want to. She seems very attached to me in her way. I'm just not sure I want to make the kind of commitment she's demanding. It seems that the Forces are leading me in a different and higher direction, someplace she could never follow. But how do you tell someone that they were just a stepping stone?
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Dr. Balis:
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Sometimes you have to tell people things they don't want to hear, Peter. It's part of being honest. Don't you think you owe it to her, and to yourself, to communicate truthfully about how you feel? I'm sure you can put it in a way that spares her feelings.
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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You don't know her. She's real sharp when it comes to figuring out what you're trying to say, and stripping away all the nice parts. Remember, she's psychic. You have to be very careful what you say to her. But I think you're right, I'm going to have to put some boundaries on our relationship or she'll take me over body and soul. Thanks for the pep talk.
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Dr. Balis:
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I'm glad to be able to be helpful to you. I must confess I'm out of my depth when it comes to psychic phenomena. But I know a lot about people and their relationships, so maybe that's what we should concentrate on next time, okay?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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I'm just feeling comfortable with you and you go and say something like that. What makes you think that people can be separated from the major forces of the universe, the most important stuff of all? Doesn't your brain ever feel uncomfortable in its chains?
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Dr. Balis:
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I could ask you the same thing. But we're out of time. I don't know why you feel you have to convince me about your beliefs. Are you really trying to evangelize me into a belief in psychic phenomena?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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Maybe I'm just trying to compensate for your unswerving belief in western science and technology. I'll be back next week, psychic phenomena and all. And I'll let you know how it goes with Serena.
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Dr. Balis:
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That'll be fine. I'll see you then.
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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Goodbye Charles.
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Dr. Balis:
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Goodbye Peter.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Peter Hossfeld's Communications
