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Mr. Hossfeld:
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Hi, I'm back.
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Dr. Balis:
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Yes, it's been a while since you've come in. Is there some special reason you've decided to see me today?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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I feel you're my only hope, you know, like that last straw people grasp at before they go down for the third time?
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Dr. Balis:
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How so? I thought you were a happy camper. What's the matter?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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Oh god. I shouldn't even be thinking these thoughts. She's going to find out. She always finds out.
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Dr. Balis:
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Wait a minute, catch me up here; what thoughts, and who are you talking about?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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You know; Serena. She's psychic, remember--she knows what I'm thinking. She can tell if I'm planning to escape.
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Dr. Balis:
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Is that what you want, to escape from her?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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No, it's not possible. And she's going to know I told you this. And she's going to make me sorry.
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Dr. Balis:
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Peter, you're a grown man. If this relationship isn't working for you then call it quits, or at least set some limits that you feel comfortable with. You've got to know that this person doesn't have any more control over you than you give her.
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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Things are so simple for you; I almost envy you your security. But my world has different rules, and it's not so safe. Greater possibilities, bigger pitfalls.
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Dr. Balis:
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Don't you think you might be romanticizing a bit? Come down to earth for a second. You've gotten involved with a woman who wants more commitment than you are willing to give. This isn't exactly unprecedented; why do you have to bring the paranormal into it? If you aren't comfortable with the situation, then be honest with her and see if you can come up with an arrangement that works for both of you. Why not leave the astral plane out of it and deal with each other like two ordinary people--what's wrong with that?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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You're so dense, I don't know why I keep coming back here. I must be really desperate. Let me try to explain this one more time. We're not talking about an ordinary woman here; this is a very powerful entity which has chosen a woman's shape. If I'm not extremely careful here, my soul will be lost forever. There are some very bad places on the astral plane; I've been to some of them and it's really not pleasant. I'm walking on the thin edge between this world and the next, and it just takes a little push...
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Dr. Balis:
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I thought you were only having good experiences; what happened?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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Well, she said I needed to do some past-life work, that there were some things I'd left undone that were still holding me back karmically.
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Dr. Balis:
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So what did you do?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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The usual thing; regression, rebirth, re-entry.
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Dr. Balis:
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What do you mean?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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It's like a guided trip; with somebody to help you, it's not that difficult to go back to where you came from. And Serena's very good at this; she used to be a rebirth counselor, somebody who specializes in karmic cleansing. She structures your energy so it's easy to flow back to your roots. She starts talking in a special way, you can tell she's summoning a spirit-being, and you look in her eyes, and--I don't know, suddenly you're in a different space and time.
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Dr. Balis:
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You mean it's like hypnosis?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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That's probably the closest thing to it you can understand, but it's a lot more powerful than the tricks you see people do on stage. It's the difference between Merlin the Sorcerer and David Copperfield. You actually experience parts of the different lifetimes that made your spirit what it is, and some of the stuff that's still holding you back...
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Dr. Balis:
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And was that the bad part you mentioned?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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It was horrible. At first, all I could focus on was the pain, just waves of pain. Then I was in a room, and a guy was tied in a chair, and these guys in uniforms were hurting him, torturing him. They were shouting at him in German, but whatever he said, they didn't like, and hit him again. The man was weak, on the point of passing out, but they poured water at him and kept at him. And I understood the German words, and I found myself saying them, shouting them, and my arm was going back and forth with the effort of beating this helpless man. I was an interrogator for the Gestapo--I felt the sting in my knuckles; I can still see that man's bloody face...
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Dr. Balis:
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So you think that because you had this terrible vision under hypnosis, that you were a Nazi in a previous lifetime?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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I was there. I know what I did. What I don't know is how I'm going to deal with that karma. I feel awful just thinking about it.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why worry about it? Don't you think it's more important to focus on the lifetime you're in right now?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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Of course; I'm not disagreeing with that. But knowing how you failed before can help keep you from blowing it this time around, don't you think? I suppose the message is not to be cruel. What do you think?
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Dr. Balis:
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I'd rather hear why you like to spend your time escaping into one kind of fantasy or another and ignoring what's actually happening in your life.
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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Oh wow. I bet you've been saving that one up for a while. Feel better now? I'm glad I helped you get it off your chest.
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Dr. Balis:
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Okay, I'm sorry. I know I seem hopelessly rationalistic to you, but I think that might be why you keep coming back.
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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Yeah, you're my earth anchor. Sometimes I feel like I'm floating away, and I ask myself, "What would Doctor Balis say" and the answer: "Come down to Earth, Peter" and I go "Aye-aye Sir!" and you know--it sort of works.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why thank you, that's a testimonial of sorts. But really, you like to cast me as a spokesman for Western Rational Thought, which is not how I usually conceive of myself. Now I can tell you feel the need for something like that, so I try to play my part, okay? But I'm not unsympathetic towards your beliefs by any means; I just want to make sure you think clearly about what you are doing in the here and now.
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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Right, the good old here and now. Which in my case means Serena, and why I have to do everything she tells me and why I have to tell her everything that I'm thinking, and where I'm going, and where I've been, and who I saw, and what they said, and what I thought about what they said--it's too intense for me. I just can't be around her this much. Somehow I'm going to have to get some extra powers, strong enough to hold her off...
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Dr. Balis:
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You don't think you can do it on your own?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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I may be spaced out these days, but I'm not crazy. She'd eat me alive and spit out the bones! You don't know what you're telling me to do.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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I really don't want to find out. I'm going to have to make up an hour's worth of conversation we just had on a totally different subject, so I can tell her about it. It wears me out. Having any social life at all is pretty much impossible. She hates to go out, except on the nights she goes to her meetings, and they're for women only. None of my friends come by any more, I don't know why. If it wasn't for my dreamwork--and she's real important for that, and has done me a lot of good by showing me some of the things I'm responsible for--but if it wasn't for the work, I wouldn't have anything at all.
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Dr. Balis:
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Oh really? You're young, healthy, smart, employed--what do you want? I can't help but think you are building this person up in your mind as a figure of vast power and influence in heaven and on earth, when she's probably just a lonely woman who clings a bit too tightly, and needs to be told in a nice way that people sometimes need some more time alone in their personal space.
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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I like the sound of that, it sounds so impersonal. But she thinks that since she's my guru, it's up to her to decide how much time I spend doing what and where. The guru has to have total control, that's the way it works.
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Dr. Balis:
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Does she have to be your guru? Can you quit?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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And throw away everything we've worked so hard to build up? We're really making progress with the astral projection, and I don't know where else I'd go for the past lives work, although there's supposed to be a guy in Colorado.... She's a really good teacher and guide. I guess this is bad to say, but I just wish she wasn't so interested in my case.
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Dr. Balis:
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Is that what you think she's interested in?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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What, you think she's lusting after my bod? That stuff is just so trivial and unimportant.
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Dr. Balis:
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Some people don't think so. Anyway, we're about out of time. Are you coming back next week?
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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Uh, it's sort of difficult to get away. I mean, I can ask, but maybe the week after...
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Dr. Balis:
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Well give me a call. I think you should try and make it.
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Mr. Hossfeld:
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Okay, Doctor, I'll try. See you.
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Dr. Balis:
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Goodbye, Peter.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Transcripts of Peter Hossfeld's Communications
