Monday, April 21, 1997	4 pm. First Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine presented a businesslike appearance when she first arrived for her session. She strode purposefully into the room, sure of her authority, with none of the hesitancy entering my office that many patients exhibit. She shook my hand firmly and chose the straight-back chair. She came off as clear and frank, during the initial part of the session, and generally gave the impression of a calm, no-nonsense, hard-driving, professional. She is about 5 feet 7 inches in height, with shoulder-length, swept back hair, brown with a touch of red in it. Physically, she was a little thin perhaps but still attractive. I can imagine that some men might describe her as cute but probably not to her face. She was dressed in contemporary feminine business attire--a skirt, a conservative silk blouse, and camisole. She wears a subtle amount of make-up. Katherine was concerned about confidentiality, but she seemed perfectly ready to accept my assurances. Our conversation turned toward her complaint. An incident occurred where a man was seated in her favorite seat at a sushi bar where she is accustomed to eat lunch. After he refused to move, she took a substitute seat which she acknowledges was objectively just as good. Her concern was the disproportionate disruption to her composure that the minor deviation in her routine had on her. She admits that the event was trivial, but even while discussing it, she became flushed and pounded the arm of the chair as she recounted that he was in her seat. It was the only time during our session that she lost her professional demeanor, and she was clearly embarrassed and somewhat contrite about it. She is concerned that her loss of equilibrium over such a trivial event points to some deeper emotional or mental issue. My guess is that she suffers from some slight degree of obsessive compulsive personality disorder. Although it is too early to tell, I would associate Katherine with a degree of rigidness, perfectionism, and inflexibility characteristic of the disorder. I would question whether Katherine shows perfectionism that interferes with task completion which is part of the formal definition of the condition. But given her apparent high functioning, I would guess Katherine suffers, if at all, from only a mild form of the disorder. I suspect that there is something else lurking beneath the surface with Katherine. She doesn't strike me as the type who would have sought my services for what she must consider a trifle. I could imagine that she might desire to put me through a test prior to revealing her true confidences. I will question Katherine carefully about perfectionism, how she approaches a task, and look for signs of dysfunctional rigidity during our next session, but if nothing further develops, I am going to reassure Katherine that she has nothing overly to worry about--except perhaps a certain tendency towards perfectionism that she should be careful doesn't overwhelm the task itself--and recommend that she not continue her therapy. My guess is that she may be waiting for just that. As an accountant, she would have a sensitivity to the possible waste of time and money caused by a therapist eager to increase his caseload at her expense. Perhaps she needs to be assured in this way that I am not of that breed.
Monday, April 28, 1997	4 pm. Second Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine is a bit of an enigma. I get the strong sense that there is something else that she wants to tell me, but she is so closely guarded that she won't let herself open up. I believe that she wished me to continue our sessions together, but I decided to force the issue and see whether I could get her to admit why she had come to seek my assistance. But it didn't work, at least not right away. When I told her that she hadn't given me any reason to believe that she should continue therapy, she struggled with herself for a long time before she answered. I'd hoped that she would say something like: "Well, I haven't told you everything, Doctor," or some such. Instead, I got Katherine: the brusque business woman. At one point during the session, when she described her need to be organized as "pathological" she smiled and it seemed to me that she was half joking. It came as a surprise because her demeanor is otherwise so matter-of-fact--as if humor doesn't have a place in her ordered existence. And there is a significant man named Philip in her life, who I assume is her boyfriend. But she was completely unwilling to discuss him. She was sorry that she had even even alerted me to his existence by mentioning him in passing. I'm not sure why it was so important to her to avoid telling me about him. I sense it would go against her own inner sense of corporate purpose to admit to the frivolity of a romantic relationship--but maybe she was just trying to stay on track--only divulging what she thought important to my diagnosis. I still believe that Katherine suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, but it is a mild form, and in my experience, mild cases are not generally amenable to treatment. I hope I see Katherine again and she allows us to delve a little deeper under her corporate facade. I wouldn't be surprised to find strong feelings of inadequacy, for example, which she has tried to mask with a personality projecting super competence.
Friday, May 2, 1997	My service reported that they got a telephone call from Katherine Lippard late last night. She sounded anxious and upset. They thought that she might have been drinking. I tried calling her then at home, but I wasn't able to reach her. I tried again this morning at her work, but they told me that she wasn't expected in all day today. I'll keep trying her over the weekend.
Monday, May 5, 1997	I got a call from Katherine Lippard. She sounded different somehow, as if she had been thinking things over and didn't like the outcome of our sessions together. She said that she might not have been as candid as she would have liked during our sessions. I told her not to get into it on the telephone and we scheduled an appointment for Wednesday at 4 pm.
Wednesday, May 7, 1997	4 pm. Third Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine returned to therapy and made a breakthrough. She was able to consciously drop the corporate facade and admit that she has a problem with control issues. She said that the need to exert control was causing her a great deal of unhappiness, although she never expressed exactly what that unhappiness was. The only issues she really mentioned were about fits of smoking and drinking, which paradoxically, are about not having control. She seemed liked a different woman from the corporate executive who left my office last week. She looks the same--her perfectly matched business attire and careful grooming--but she was much less confident and more hesitant in her manner. Katherine spoke softly, sometimes hesitantly and sometimes in a rush, with a great deal more emotional inflection than the voice she uses when acting the cool professional. Katherine tends to approach therapy with a certain voraciousness. Once she's decided upon a project, I have a sense that she needs to consume it--a trait which, together with her intelligence, probably accounts for much of her success. When she came in, she was very intent on saying what she needed to say, as if she was afraid that she wasn't going to be able to get it out. She interrupted almost every comment I made during the first part of the session. When she finished explaining her problem to me and got my approval, she grinned like a child that was proud of having mastered a new and difficult task. She really did make a turnaround in attitude, although she has a tendency to slip back into her corporate persona. Katherine has a tendency to overreact. It was her original complaint, with the seat in the sushi bar incident, and it was coming through in the session again. She clearly believes herself to be suffering from greater psychological impairment than I would guess she actually has. She even inquired about medication. She mentioned Philip as an important figure in her life. He was directly responsible in getting Katherine to seek therapy. But it wasn't clear if he is a boyfriend, a brother, or a close friend. I'm afraid that Katherine is seeking an instant fix for her problems and that she might be disappointed if the therapeutic process takes a bit more time. As a professional, she's used to seeing milestones met by specific dates. Unfortunately, therapy refuses to abide by those types of timetables. In any event, I'm glad that Katherine came back and that my stratagem of forcing her hand was ultimately effective. To be quite frank, after last week, I was afraid that I had blown it and sent a woman away who clearly was looking for my help.
Wednesday, May 14, 1997	4 pm. Fourth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine is concerned about a new role that she has been given at work. Her boss has made her a partner in the mammoth project of working out the financing of the Apple takeover. Katherine feels uncomfortable mostly because the change in her work circumstances comes from outside and was not of her doing. But she's also noticed that she functions better under stress and is less likely to get caught up in the little annoyances. Katherine is anxious to move forward with therapy. She has thrown herself into it with what I assume is her customary enthusiasm. I counseled her not to allow herself to become too eager--I don't want her to get overblown expectations. She's identified her need for control as being the primary focus of her difficulties, and I'm not sure I disagree. But I told her that we didn't have to attack that straight away, as if it was a tumor we could cut out. Rather, the process of getting her to have some insight into herself was also valuable and relevant to getting hold of the deeper issues. She's clearly taking the therapy seriously, but not with the grim determination which I might have expected after the first few meetings. Katherine is able to notice when she slips into her corporate persona now. She says that she can almost feel the switch. When she spotted the fact that she had switched into her professional mode, she had almost a childlike glow of self-satisfied pride in her accomplishment, and I praised her new self-awareness. Whatever else Katherine is, she isn't depressed. When she isn't playing the corporate role, she seems playful and enthusiastic. It's interesting that those aspects of her personality--often associated with creativity--are the ones that she believes that she must suppress in order to function well in a corporate environment.
Wednesday, May 21, 1997	4 pm. Fifth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine has been given primary responsibility for structuring the Apple Computer bid. Unfortunately, she thinks that the bid is doomed and can't see a way to successfully structure the acquisition. So instead of viewing the assignment as a promotion and a sign of the confidence that is being placed in her, she fears that she is being set up as the fall guy. Frank Herald, the CFO and nominally her mentor, is increasingly absent and Katherine is concerned that when the deal craters, there is going to be an urge to blame someone. She feels that she's being groomed as the logical choice. There are a couple of things that she said that make me concerned that she might be right. Apparently, Frank has arranged to have Katherine present the financial outlook for the acquisition to the board of directors, and he plans to be absent. If he was proud of his protégée, it would be more natural for him to be there and allow her to present the material, beaming at her and bolstering her confidence. Instead, Frank seems like he is distancing himself from the project completely. I urged her to talk to Frank honestly about her concerns without making any accusations about his motives. She said that she would. Katherine thinks that the therapy sessions are giving her an ability to keep the present in focus. She expressed pride in having been able to take some insights she gained in previous therapy sessions and using them to help reduce her stress. She was concerned about not being in control, and then she remembered what we talked about with her rechanneling stress into productive channels. She said thinking about that worked--she calmed down. She was excited about seeing some tangible results from therapy. I cautioned her that she shouldn't be disappointed if she doesn't always see that kind of improvement, and she blew up! She leaned forward in her chair, slammed her fist down on the desk and yelled at me. She was upset that I seemed to be undercutting her accomplishments. I apologized to her. Perhaps I was stressing the need for caution too much, but she said that she understands that she shouldn't expect too much too fast, and now she wants me never to qualify enthusiasm with it again. I need her to keep realistic expectations, but I'll wait for some signs of disappointment to manifest themselves before I take up that particular tack again. It was clear that Katherine has been working very hard of late. I could see slight black circles under her eyes and she seemed haggard--a little run down. Maybe it will be a high pollen count day in June and Lloyd will be absent from the board meeting on Monday, June 2nd.
Wednesday, May 28, 1997	4 pm. Sixth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine apologized profusely for being late when I read her as being right on time--perhaps she was two minutes late. She seemed fresh and rested during the session. Katherine has made her peace with Frank Herald. She had the talk that I urged her to have and found that Frank, far from setting her up as the scapegoat, has really just been distracted with family problems--specifically the revelations that Christina Herald told me about the undisclosed half brother that her father had with her aunt. Frank complemented Katherine on her work and believes that if they present an honest, impartial view of the numbers to the board of directors that the negative consequences of the Apple deal will all be on Major. Frank decided that he would accompany Katherine to her presentation to the board so that, together, they would present a united front. As a result, Katherine doesn't have the stress about the presentation that she did during our last session. But Katherine is dissatisfied with her life as a whole. She ticked off a whole list of indicators of success, all of which were financial, and said that she had it all--except that she feels empty. The mysterious Phil--who turns out to be her brother--is an artist who is mostly broke, and he is happy. Katherine, who obviously has extremely strong feelings towards Phil, is accustomed to dealing with such issues in monetary terms--she talks about being rich and miserable versus poor and ecstatic--but she doesn't seem to think in terms of Phil following his passion rather than his pocketbook. My guess is that Katherine's passion really is in her work somewhere. It's just a matter of helping her find it again. And I think she needs to be urged to find some social outlets outside of work and Phil. I think that Katherine is really quite lonely. She seemed almost reluctant to leave at the end of our session.
Wednesday, June 11, 1997	4 pm. Seventh Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine came in wearing a very feminine outfit--just barely acceptable for business wear. She said that she had treated herself at a fancy women's clothing store on a whim. I have to say that she looks a lot less forbidding and more appealing than the usually formidable and corporate Katherine Lippard. Katherine did well at the board meeting in her presentation of the financial side of the Apple Computer deal. She was presenting a negative view of the deal, so she was attacked by Lloyd Major on several fronts. But she was prepared for him. She seemed to believe that Lloyd Major was on cocaine--she said that he was sniffling a lot and seemed anxious and manic, like he couldn't sit still. I'm reasonably sure that Lloyd doesn't use cocaine. It's absolutely the wrong drug for someone who has the particular nasal phobia that he does. Perhaps he overdosed himself on antihistamines again. Obviously, however, I couldn't discuss that with Katherine. At the board meeting, Katherine apparently came out the winner. And Frank Herald told her why he had left her alone on this project. He's planning on retiring at the end of the year, and he wanted to give her a test of fire to make sure that she could handle his job. She passed. But even though the CFO position is what she's been working for all her life, she finds her success leaves her unfulfilled. I told her that she should try to seek fulfillment through her social life. Katherine described a member of the board of directors who asked her out. Katherine has it all planned out in her head--down to what he will try to do to impress her at dinner. While Katherine's rendition does sound rather dreary, it's all in her imagination--she never gave him a chance. Katherine is excited at the prospect of going out and meeting people--but she seemed clueless as to how to begin. Among other things, I told use her brother as a sort of social cane while she gets the hang of it. I got the distinct impression that she might be experiencing some transference with me--I have to be careful that she doesn't look to me as a possible candidate for her social needs. My experience with Anna makes me especially gun shy, I suppose.
Wednesday, June 18, 1997	4 pm. Eighth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine skipped work today and came in to our session dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. She looked nice that way, and she was definitely more relaxed. Last week, she took my advice about trying to expand her social horizons and she went with Phil to an art opening. There she met Jake, an assistant manager at the art gallery. Jake spoke to Katherine quite naturally about a piece of Phil's artwork and impressed Katherine by the ease he showed in the world of art. Jake is also a poet and he invited Katherine and Phil to a "Poetry Slam." From the title, Katherine was expecting something with at least a bit of energy, but it was a simple coffeehouse open mic poetry reading. Jake's poetry didn't impress Katherine as much as his voice did--she found his smooth, melodic, and deep tones attractive. Phil was amused by Katherine's reaction to Jake, but he was encouraging as well. Jake and Katherine made a date for Saturday morning, and Katherine is positively giddy about it. She said that she can't concentrate, so she took the day off. But when I gently cautioned her--she immediately pounced on me--she told me in no uncertain terms that she wasn't going to allow herself to get lost in the experience and that she wasn't the type of woman who was going to led around by a man. She feels that she is in control of the situation--which allows her to experience change without being as unnerved as if she weren't in control.. Katherine wants me to address her as Katherine during our sessions--it was easier to do when she wasn't dressed in her business suit, although I still forgot a few times. She has another brother, older, whom I had never heard of before. His name is Joey, and Katherine holds him in obvious contempt. Strange, really, because Joey sounds like he is following much the same path that Katherine is--you'd expect her to have more in common with her brother the lawyer than her brother the artist. Joey is trying to make partner with a lawfirm back east, and Katherine thinks that he is leading a completely artificial life, dictated by the requirements of his monetary ambitions. He is having marital difficulties, which Katherine believes follow a predictable path of infidelity by Joey, separation, and then reconciliation--and the ultimate reconciliation is for all the wrong reasons. Katherine said that, as the oldest, Joey resented her for destroying his status as the only child. Her father left and her mother worked all the time, so Joey decided to become man of the house and take on an authoritarian and bossy role. Katherine did her best to ignore him and took care of Phil, leaving Joey somewhat emotionally distant. I noticed that at the end of the session, she seemed suddenly in a hurry to get out of the conversation. I could feel her suddenly withdraw her emotions and become a little closed when we were talking about her family and upbringing.
Wednesday, June 25, 1997	4 pm. Ninth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine really liked Jake, although she said that he didn't laugh during their date. He took her to the mud flats--I think that they are near Coyote Point in Burlingame. And he took her there on a motorcycle. Katherine was impressed by the difference from the suit, tie, and candlelight dinner dates that she is used to. She thinks of Jake as profound and very intelligent. In the second part of our session, we talked about Katherine's family. There are a lot of raw nerves there, close to the surface. My impression is that her relationship with her father was very close until he left the family to pursue his dream of being a bush pilot in Alaska, of all things. When we talked about this, Katherine's southern accent became pronounced in both her diction and her drawl. I was astonished. It was like I was suddenly talking to someone else. She started to cry and was really quite upset when I queried her about her feelings. She thinks that all of that is far in the past, so that she should have gotten over that by now. She also harbors resentment towards her mother. They lived in virtual poverty when she was a child after her father left. Her mother worked several jobs. Unbeknownst to Katherine, her mother was squirreling away money--she managed to get her three kids through college--two with advanced degrees. While Katherine knows that she should feel grateful, she also feels as if her mother somehow robbed her of her childhood. And then she feels guilty for feeling like that. At the end of the session, Katherine was able to almost instantly compose herself. Suddenly she transformed--perfect posture, flat affect, no accent. The tears even seemed to disappear. It was an impressive demonstrate of self control and tight repression.
Wednesday, July 2, 1997	4 pm. Tenth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine told me a gut-wrenching story. Her father was an airplane pilot for Delta, and they moved to Atlanta when she was about six or seven. As her father moved from commuter pilot to flying national and, ultimately, international flights, he was away for longer and longer intervals. She took care of Phil, to whom she was always close. She described Joey as being her mother's son and she described herself as being her father's favorite. Phil was split somewhat evenly between them in their regard. When she was ten, her father decided to chuck it all and go to Alaska. He tried to explain to his ten year old daughter why he was leaving for good. The abandonment felt by young Katherine clearly has had a profound psychological impact on her to this day. I'm venturing to guess that her need for control stems from her powerlessness to stop her father from leaving. While Katherine was relating this story, she was beside herself--crying hard with copious streams of tears and talking through sobs. She was unable to look at me. At the end of the session, she pulled herself together, but she didn't make as complete or as quick a transformation as last week's amazing demonstration of control. I found that a hopeful sign, as if she's allowing herself to feel now. Katherine doesn't know, to this day, whether her father is alive or dead. But at each major accomplishment in her life, she finds herself wishing for her father to be proud of her accomplishment. Katherine also admitted that she was a lot more fragile than she admitted during her early sessions. She described herself as hanging by a thread, and said that the episode at Kansai could have happened any number of other times--that she was just barely hanging onto her composure most of the time. But although she still feels edgy, she feels calmer than she did. She credits an increase in self-confidence to her board of directors confrontation with Lloyd over the Apple deal, and she also credits our sessions together, which she described as giving her some "breathing room."
Wednesday, July 9, 1997	4 pm. Eleventh Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine is finding it very difficult to talk about the feelings of loss and abandonment she experienced when her father left. She still has those feelings just barely repressed, and dredging them up attacks the facade of control that she's built up over all these years. It's a painful process, but one which I believe Katherine is committed to. But she is finding it difficult. After her father left, there were a few postcards and telephone calls, but those eventually ended. Katherine is not sure whether he is alive or dead, but she can't believe that he is dead. She wants him to be alive very much--but could only whisper that to me through her tears. She had a magical feeling that he would appear at her high school graduation--a very important moment for her. But he didn't show up. We had to take a break and I judged that it would be appropriate to change the subject. Katherine tried to make light of the situation by talking about soggy tissues, so I made some slight joke about waterproofing the furniture and Katherine gratefully took me up on my diversion. We also talked about Jake. She seems almost defensive about him. She wanted to prove to me that he wasn't all serious and sullen--an accusation I don't remember making. When I called her on it, she averred that it must have been Phil who said it. Jake told Katherine that he is an "adrenaline junkie"--he likes dangerous sports. He has invited Katherine to go either hang gliding or flying in an ultralight aircraft with him, and she is determined to accept. She has a very romantic notion of hang gliding, which doesn't admit for any possibility of danger. When I brought up the danger, she was quite short with me. She made me feel like I was being a nervous Nellie, and ended the session abruptly.
Wednesday, July 23, 1997	4 pm. Twelfth Session with Katherine Lippard. Well, I told Katherine to try to get a social life, and she has complied with a bang. Apparently, she has fallen in love with Jake Winter, the first guy she's dated--a mercurial character who seems alternatively the dour intellectual and the light-hearted free spirit. Katherine is having difficulty coming to terms with the fact that she's in love, hardly wanting to admit it to herself. I guess being in love really is a substantial loss of control. She went hang gliding without incident, but she was so elated over the experience that she danced around at the rocky landing site and fell on her ass--bruised but not broken. She consummated her sexual relationship with Jake and she described that in glowing terms. Apparently, she always thought of sex as some kind of recreation and describes herself as never having been previously in love. She was enthralled with the enjoyment of sex as a communicative experience between two people in love. Unfortunately, they didn't practice safe sex. I urged her to at least both get tested. And Katherine is going to use Depo-Provera as a contraceptive. Katherine is dreading talking about her father more with me, although I'm sure she realizes the importance of the subject to her emotional well-being. She promised we'd talk about him during our next session.
Wednesday, July 30, 1997	4 pm. Thirteenth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine came in prepared to talk about her father today, but she clearly had something else on her mind--her relationship with Jake. Katherine, for all her financial sophistication, doesn't have a lot of experience in the dynamics of male/female relationships. Apparently, Katherine dove in head first and told Jake that she was in love with him. Jake did not respond the way that Katherine had hoped. Instead of verbally reciprocating, Jake very seriously asked her if she was sure and then gave her a hug and a kiss, leaving his true feelings ambiguous. Now that Katherine is in love, she feels obligated to start planning out a future which includes getting married and having children, even though she isn't sure that she wants either. For Katherine, that's what being in love means. She seemed somewhat dubious that feelings can just be for their own sake. I pointed out that she's only known Jake for about six weeks, and although I'm a strong believer in honest communication in a relationship, I thought that she should probably take it quite a bit slower. Given Jake's lack of response, which clearly hurt Katherine, she seemed ready to accept that advice. Katherine said that she didn't want to end up like her mother who loved her father passionately and then was devastated when he abandoned her. We talked about the dynamic of Katherine's family subsequent to her father's departure. Her mother doted on her oldest son, Joey, who Katherine described as a Mama's boy. In previous sessions, Katherine had explained that, emotionally, each of her parents had taken possession of one of the kids. So Joey, the eldest, was her mother's child, and Katherine was her father's. Phil, the youngest, was not particularly either's. Katherine felt that after her father left, her mother focused the majority of her affections on Joey and she was left with no one. Phil was placed in Katherine's charge. Even though only a child herself, Katherine took on the responsibility of raising Phil. She thought of Phil as her own. Katherine believes that Phil is the most well adjusted of the three of them and I pointed out that Katherine deserves a substantial measure of credit for that--a notion which seemed to both surprise and please Katherine. At the end of the session, Katherine, who had dreaded spending time speaking about her father, admitted that she thought it had been good to talk about him, although she didn't really believe that we were working through any significant issues in her life. I pointed out that we were merely laying out the groundwork and trying to identify the issues that we would later work through during this process.
Wednesday, August 6, 1997	4 pm. Fourteenth Session with Katherine Lippard. Jake still hasn't given Katherine the reciprocal assurance of his love that she desires. But Katherine is eager for their relationship to work. She's using Jake's family history of many divorces and the tone of tragedy in his poetry to rationalize his reluctance to express his feelings for her. Somewhat surreptitiously, Katherine read Jake's poetry while he slept. She said that his poems on romance were considerably darker than she expected; the poems were about "darkness and tragedy and how love always comes due in blood." I tried to reassure Katherine that people often use art to express a particular aspect of their personality and that the emotions which the art communicates are often greatly exaggerated versions of the thoughts and feelings actually held by the artist. Katherine also feels that Jake's attitude towards her has changed now--she describes him as "cockier" than before. It's certainly true that Jake seems to have the upper hand in the politics of their relationship. Katherine managed to explain his new assurance as perhaps just representing that inevitable settling-in stage after the rigors of courtship are over. But Katherine is obviously feelingly quite hurt that Jake has been unable to clearly express how he feels about her. Katherine realizes that she may be rationalizing her relationship with Jake, but when I suggested as much, she slipped into her professional persona and abruptly changed the subject. I decided to just let it go rather than press the issue. Katherine wanted to talk a bit more about her father. She told me that, after he left, she only spoke to him twice by phone and he sent her a few postcards from Alaska. That amount of contact was so minimal as to do little to assuage Katherine's feeling of utter abandonment--and Katherine was a girl who was desperate to be with her father. We followed the thread of abandonment in our conversation. Katherine said that she felt that all the men that she loved ran off to pursue their dreams--dreams which didn't include her. She cited her father--who went to Alaska to become a bush pilot, Andrew--who went into the Coast Guard, and Phil--who decided to move to California to pursue his art. As we discussed it further, Katherine admitted that she followed Phil to California because she was tired of losing the men in her life. But the admission was painful for her to make. She felt that it was a pathetic display of weakness, because she's worried that she's inherently unable to live her life independent of a male figure. For the rest of the session, we tried to differentiate between wanting someone in your life and needing them there. At the end, Katherine expressed some disappointment in the slow progress of therapy. I reminded her that in our earlier sessions, I had told her that the therapeutic process was one of fits and starts and that she shouldn't be either overly buoyed by the successes or overly disappointed by the failures. I think it would be extremely helpful if we start the next session by doing an inventory of the progress that we've made so far in Katherine's therapy. She's is an accountant by training, after all, and she should be reminded of the bottom line every once in a while.
Thursday, August 14, 1997	3 pm. Fifteenth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine began the session by talking about work. On the surface, she's concerned because Lloyd Major has come into her department and is searching through her files, brushing off her inquiries and stirring up her staff. But the subtext is really more enlightening. When Frank Herald was her boss, and he was giving her great autonomy in connection with the Apple Computer transaction, she was very suspicious of his motives--she thought he was setting her up to take the fall for that misguided project. Now that she's going to be a senior executive who is only subordinate to the CEO and the board of directors, Katherine is setting herself up in an adversarial relationship with the person who's going to be her superior at work. If I was a pop psychologist rather than a psychiatrist, I might relate Katherine's abandonment by her father to her habit of positioning herself as an adversary to those who have authority over her. But I think it runs quite a bit deeper than that. And while I don't know how Lloyd feels about Katherine personally, I'm also concerned that if he sees her as an impediment, he will simply brush her aside. Katherine may be considering hiring a private detective to track down her father. She was focusing on her father, but when I shifted the perspective back to her feelings, Katherine had a bit of a breakthrough. She said that she obviously hadn't loved her father enough to keep him from leaving her. And she believes that the men in her life have left her in search of adventure which she couldn't provide. She sees that as a failing in herself--a sign of her personal inadequacy. Then, in an apparent non-sequitor, she said that she was going parasailing with Jake. When I asked her why she had brought that up just then, she made the leap herself to realize that perhaps her dangerous adventures with Jake are an attempt to insure that he won't leave her for a similar reason. Surprisingly, Katherine seemed very concerned about proving that she is self-sufficient without a man. She's driven to repeatedly prove that she doesn't really need a man in her life. I told her that I didn't think that was her problem. Instead, quite to the contrary, I think that it would be much more difficult for Katherine to give in to the interdepency of a strong relationship and lose that element of control. So instead, I urged her to try to strike a balance between her needs and her perception of the needs of the man in her life. I told her that if she puts on an adventure-seeking persona for Jake, then she's just playing an act for his benefit and not allowing him an opportunity to know and understand who she really is.
Wednesday, August 27, 1997	4 pm. Sixteenth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine seemed in a genuinely good mood during this session--lighthearted and cheerful for the most part. She was also alert, quick on her mental feet, and open. She did hit upon some painful subjects and displayed appropriate affect, but there was an undercurrent of contentment through it all and she bounced back quickly. I think she is making genuine progress through therapy. She's noticed that she has less dependence upon the routines which prompted her to seek my help in the first place. She agreed with me when I suggested that as she gains increased understanding about herself through therapy, she's finding it less necessary to try to exert control over a chaotic world through the use of external routines. We spoke about work, primarily her relationship with Lloyd Major and the transition when Frank Herald retires. I asked her whether she was setting herself up as Lloyd Major's adversary, and she scoffed at the suggestion. She seems more than happy to play politics, if it gives her more autonomy and control within her department, as it seems likely to do. She's going to have a lunch this Friday with Lloyd and Frank, possibly to discuss Frank's retirement and Katherine's succession. She also thinks that her life is good right now. She believes that she's "getting it together" in her relationship with Jake, in her work, and in her relationship with Phil. She did discuss Jake a bit. Apparently, he told her that he loved her, but not in the same way that she loved him. It sounded to me like a classic attempt by Jake to try to stay blameless in a relationship which he knows is destined to break up because of his own lack of interest. But Katherine interpreted it as Jake being unwilling to admit to a love which he is actually feeling. Jake is not as interested in pleasing Katherine sexually. He is climaxing faster and inducing Katherine to take on a submissive sexual role bordering on light sadomasochism which she isn't comfortable with. I told her that she should talk to Jake about her sexual preferences, but preferably not during the heat of passion. She said that she would. She was able to stand up to Jake and tell him that she didn't want to go hang gliding again. She said that Jake took it quite well, and they compromised: Katherine will watch while Jake takes to the sky. Katherine said that no man has ever treated her as well as Jake has, which either is a testament to Jake's solicitude or a condemnation of her previous relationships. All in all, however, Katherine seems to be gaining the control that she seeks in her life.
Wednesday, September 10, 1997	4 pm. Seventeenth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine is now playing politics at the highest levels of the company in her effort to move into the CFO position which Frank Herald is vacating. Katherine is clearly less hostile towards Lloyd Major now. She's even on a first name basis, having had a lunch with "Lloyd and Frank." The purpose of the lunch, at least as far as Frank was concerned, was to announce his imminent retirement and begin the process of turning over the reins of power to Katherine. But Lloyd wouldn't have his hand forced in that way, and was clearly unwilling to commit to supporting Katherine for the position. Although both men praised Katherine's abilities and accomplishments, apparently after a few drinks, there was a sexist admission of an initial hesitancy to hire Katherine for her current position due to her gender. When Katherine pressed, they realized their error and "clammed up" as she put it. Although Katherine was surprised to find out that the job is not hers for the taking, she still feels that she is the leading candidate, and Frank seems sincere in his promise to campaign for her. I feel, however, that it is distinctly possible that she may be passed over, Frank's good intentions notwithstanding. Katherine described the manner in which Lloyd ducked the question of Frank's succession, and I didn't think Lloyd's reaction boded well for Katherine at all. He seemed to be acting as if he was distinctly opposed to her promotion to Frank's position. Furthermore, just when she needs it most, it's almost as if Katherine is losing heart. She's realizing, in a way that was hidden during her struggle to the top, that corporate success isn't bringing her emotional fulfillment. I tried to point out to Katherine that she can have a business life and a personal life, and find fulfillment of different kinds from each. Katherine is having some dissatisfaction with Jake, at least when he's not around--she says that he always charms her when she is in his presence. But apparently they've slipped into a pattern where Katherine pays for everything, and she resents it. Katherine analogized herself as a company with a great image on the surface but no real growth prospects. I pointed out to Katherine that she's very hard on herself generally and that she should be proud of what she's accomplishing in therapy--she should view herself as a turn-around candidate. She seemed pleased, not so much at the complement but more by the fact that I followed her somewhat unwieldy "person as company" analogy.
Wednesday, September 17, 1997	4 pm. Eighteenth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine started the session by talking about her boss, Frank. As I have already learned from his daughter, Christine Herald, Frank is getting married in a few months. But the news of his marriage plans have greatly impressed Katherine. She seems envious of his happiness and position in life. Frank is now where Katherine wants to be in some not too distant future. He had a very good career; he's made a lot of money; he is on the verge of early retirement--as of Christmas, I believe--and he is in love. It's the later that I think Katherine is reacting so strongly to. She sees herself as achieving all that Frank has accomplished and even doing it in a shorter span of time. But she's worried that she won't be able to achieve what she called "freedom." Although Katherine tried to define what she meant by that--using as examples the lives that Phil and Jake lead--she never quite managed it. I believe that what Katherine is really reacting to is her feeling of dissatisfaction with Jake. She watches Frank openly happy, in love, and preparing to spend the rest of his life with his soul mate and I think Katherine is afraid of never experiencing those emotions herself. Jake has still never admitted to loving her. He talks about being comfortable with her and wanting to take her for granted--being confidant that she'll always be there with him. But there's something missing. Katherine feels that the original thrill has gone out of their relationship. And even though Jake is fun to be with--she describes him as charming, intelligent, attractive, good in bed, and good to her--there's something quite not right. I urged Katherine not to simply dismiss this feeling but to try to put in focus. I suggested that next time she feels that way, she should try to think it through and identify exactly what is bothering her about her relationship with Jake. Katherine also mentioned that Jake wants to take some nudes of her. Again I'm glad that she's considering the consequences of doing that before she says yes to Jake. There's a possibly that Katherine will fly out to see her family the second week of October. It's her mother's and brother's birthdays. She told me that she would like to confront her mother with some of the things we've been discussing in our sessions. I think it's a good idea. The more Katherine is able to bring things out into the open, the freer she will feel of her past.
Wednesday, September 24, 1997	4 pm. Nineteenth Session with Katherine Lippard. We spent most of our session today talking about love. I told Katherine about a study conducted a few years back that compared the brain chemistry and neuro-activity of a person in love with a psychotic. The study showed that there were a lot of similarities in the types and amounts of the chemicals present in the brain tissues of both subjects. But unlike the subjects experiencing psychosis, the brains of the individuals in love went back to normal after some initial period of time--the initial rush of emotions and feelings in the beginning of the relationship. For the last months or so, Katherine was feeling a sense of dissatisfaction with her relationship with Jake. It wasn't anything that she could put her finger on, although she tried to analyze her feelings for him. By telling her about the love study, I was hoping to give Katherine a way of reasoning about her feelings. If what she's been feeling is the lack of the original overwhelming passion for Jake, then perhaps that stage of their relationship was over. Katherine is very inexperienced when it comes to long-term romantic relationships--she's never had any. It was quite possible that she just never experienced what it was like after the rush of feelings was gone and the more comfortable and relaxed period of the relationship started. But as I suspected, what Katherine was feeling was more than just the lack of "giddiness and goose bumps." During our conversation, Katherine realized herself that the problem was that while she loved Jake, she was not in love with him. That's exactly what Jake told her a while ago--he felt the same way. I asked Katherine what this realization meant to her as far as her relationship with Jake. She told me that there's a lot more to be learned about him and, at this point in time, she doesn't know if he's "the one." Katherine also told me that Frank, her boss, managed to secure the support of SII's Board of Directors for her nomination as the next CFO of SII. Surprisingly, Katherine didn't seem as thrilled by that as I would have thought she would be. She said that she's not sure anymore that's what she wants. Katherine is also going to the East Coast to see her family. She's preparing a list of issues that she wants to discuss with her mother. She said that she'll bring her list in, and we'll go over it together before she leaves.
Wednesday, October 1, 1997	4 pm. Twentieth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine is carefully planning her interview with her mother. She makes it sound like she is planning strategy straight out of a board room. She plans to maneuver the conversation into the areas that she's interested in. She knows what she is willing to reveal and how much of her emotions to show, and what to keep in reserve. She's very results oriented. She doesn't want her mother to know that she is being interrogated from a script, even though that's exactly what's happening. Her interview questions are as follows: "Thanks for the college money. Why did you keep it secret? I sure felt bad when Daddy left, but I bet you felt worse. How did you feel, and did it have anything to do with me? While we're on the subject, did you ever feel jealous of my relationship with Daddy? Because sometimes I did, of yours. Did he tell you any more about why he left? Do you know why he stopped calling? Have you heard from him since then? Do you know if he's alive or dead?" While she was rehearsing her questions with me, she reacted emotionally to the thought of her father's possible death. But she waved away my tissues and insisted that she had to desensitize herself to these issues so that the interview doesn't turn into a session where her mother comforts her. She wants to be able to show her mother that she can handle the truth. Katherine has a little trick that she does to repress her feelings. It's almost as if she can flick an internal switch and stop her emotions. Then she quickly changes the subject. When I called her on it, she acted indignant that I would indicate that she didn't experience her feelings and then, when I pushed on, she became defensive and said that she'd let herself feel again after she had the answers that she wanted from her mother. And then she changed the subject, as predicted. So we ended the session talking about her consideration of posing as a nude model for Jake's photography, and a bit about her sister-in-law, married to Joey, who is trapped in an "image is everything" mind set.
Wednesday, October 8, 1997	4 pm. Twenty-First Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine was in an exceptionally optimistic frame of mind for today's shortened session. Even my imprecations of caution brought little more than a good-natured laugh. However, there was something unfocused, almost flighty, about her excitement. She is about to leave on her trip to see her mother again, and she expects her "fact-finding mission"--interrogating her mother--to provide her with all the answers to the questions that bedevil her about the past. She's expecting that her mother's answers will click everything into place and that she can stop being "a hurt little girl." She has methodically prepared for this trip, giving a long list of all the chores that have been completed to allow her to experience the freedom of vacation without being tied down by the responsibilities. Katherine will be away for our next session, so we scheduled a new appointment for the 22nd of October.
Wednesday, October 8, 1997	5 pm. Nineteenth Session with Alex Rozzi respecting Katherine Lippard. Alex met Katherine Lippard outside of my office over the last few weeks and they've formed a friendship of sorts. She gave him Jake's business card after seeing some of Alex's drawings, which thrilled Alex. He was very happy that someone thought he had some artistic talent. More than that, Alex has become a big fan of Katherine--mostly in admiration of her controlled, focused, businesslike persona. He contrasts her with his mother and Katherine comes out on top.
Wednesday, October 22, 1997	4 pm. Twenty-Second Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine came back from her trip to Maryland. She made a connection with her brother, Joey, and his snobby wife, Rachael. The three siblings--Phil, Joey, and Katherine--had a chance to spend a late night together getting caught up on their lives. There was a fancy party where Katherine got to use her corporate skills and Phil made a hit by playing the bohemian, and there was a family cookout where even Rachael seemed to unbend a little. Katherine's mother has a boyfriend named Gary, with whom she's happy--but isn't interested in increasing her commitment beyond dating. I didn't bring it up, curious to see if Katherine would herself, but Katherine never mentioned the results of her interrogation of her mother. The trip did give Katherine a chance to refresh her southern accent, which is now much more pronounced than when she went away. But Katherine had been hoping that the vacation would refresh her and bring her out of her feeling of general dissatisfaction with her life. It didn't. Katherine said that Jake was glad to see her when she got back and was more overtly affectionate. I said that was a good thing, but Katherine indicated that she wasn't sure. When Katherine said, "Our time is about up" at the end of the session, I thought for a moment she was talking about her relationship with Jake. She had something else to say, but swallowed it and said that she'd save it for next week.
Wednesday, October 29, 1997	4 pm. Twenty-Third Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine came in talking about her success at work and her compulsive cleaning efforts at home. It was obvious that something serious was bothering her. She exhibited a flat affect, and she was rambling and wouldn't meet my eye. When I forced her to it, though, she took a deep breath and dove in. During her visit, Katherine's mother told her that she had instructed Katherine's father to stop calling. Katherine would mope for days after each telephone call from her father, and Katherine's mother believed that if he just stopped calling, it would allow Katherine to recover from her feelings of hurt over the separation. I think, instead, it probably did far worse injury to Katherine to feel abandoned by her father, but I understand that Katherine's mother's motives weren't motivated by spite or a desire to hurt Katherine. And Katherine does too. She says that she feels two ways about it--understanding her mother's action and furious about it. I spent a considerable part of the session talking about allowing Katherine to feel what she feels, without deciding whether or not her feeling is appropriate or justified. I tried to tell Katherine that she has always cut short her grieving process and so has never felt its cleansing effects. Katherine was defensive when I challenged her and she was defensive when she felt that I was criticising her mother. She also made a leery reference to Jake which I let slide--something about it not being safe to allow herself to experience her true emotions in front of him.
Wednesday, October 29, 1997	5 pm. Twenty-Second Session with Alex Rozzi respecting Katherine Lippard. Alex came in tired and upset. He was unhappy that Katherine left her session without saying hello to him. He felt that Jake had just humored him, even though Jake has hung two of his paintings in the gallery.
Wednesday, November 5, 1997	4 pm. Twenty-Fourth Session with Katherine Lippard. We spent the session exploring Katherine's feelings towards her mother. Katherine is still angry about her mother's actions which resulted in Katherine being convinced that her father had abandoned her. He did chose to leave the family rather than to postpone his desire until the children were older. But Katherine's mother didn't want to raise her family in the wilds of Alaska, and didn't want her children making the decision to visit him there periodically. So Katherine's mother asked him not to call anymore--resulting in Katherine's lifelong belief that he had abandoned her because of some failing within herself. While Katherine now understands her mother's reasons for making these decisions--for example, Katherine and her brothers wouldn't have gotten the education that they did if they chose to be with their father--she is still very angry at her. Katherine described the dynamics of her relationship with her mother. She said that her mother was a "despot" who would quickly punish when she felt she'd been crossed. While Katherine was spanked on occasion, the punishment that she feared most was psychological--making Katherine feel guilty or worthless for her mistakes. Katherine's mother preached for repression as a cure for all emotional pain. Katherine is still afraid of allowing her emotions to run away with her. But she isn't afraid now of allowing herself to feel them--at some level. She talked to me about the five classic stages of grief--denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance--and tried to fit her feelings over her father's abandonment into them. But she said that she wasn't angry at her father, and was surprised when I asked her why. But that was at the end of the session, so it's a thread we'll pick up next time.
Wednesday, November 12, 1997	4 pm. Twenty-Fifth Session with Katherine Lippard. This was an interesting session, filled with optimism and denial. Katherine is a master at self-delusion and she has it running on all four cylinders in her life right now. She was named the CFO by the board of directors, effective as of the first of the year. The tidy orderliness that she finds in her work life tends to spill over into her perception of her home life. So she's reached a point in her relationship with Jake which she thinks of as extremely healthy--one in which both parties are not expecting anything of the other--no goals, no long term commitments. She professes to be content with that arrangement and yet, through our many conversations together, I know better. She admits that she's still uncomfortable opening up and displaying any vulnerability to Jake--he's professed admiration for her independent spirit and competent manner, and she doesn't want to do anything to shatter his image. This is true even with respect to the most important issues in her emotional life right now--coming to grips with her father's abandonment of her when she was an eleven year old girl. She said that she has been thinking about how she feels about her father, and while she feels mildly aggrieved, she is unable to feel any true anger. Katherine is clearly feeling with her head. She lists all the reasons that she is justified in feeling peeved at her father, but hasn't felt any of the heat of those feelings, primarily because she's just intellectualizing rather than actually feeling. She's decided to hire a detective to try to find his present whereabouts. She has tried on the various possible outcomes for size--he may be dead, or disinterested, or unlocatable--and says that she is comfortable that she can handle her feelings regardless of the result. Katherine seeks closure, which I think is ultimately wise. But I think her quest could lead her much further into herself than she currently anticipates.
Wednesday, November 19, 1997	4 pm. Twenty-Sixth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine let loose a storm of anger directed against her mother. She made no effort to try to stem the fury of her emotions, although she always really had control. It was as if she finally took to heart my frequent pronouncements about my office being a safe zone where she could afford to let loose. And she did. She swore, and pounded the arm of the chair, and raged. Her southern accent became more apparent, as it usually does when she's genuinely upset or stressed. She called me a quack at one point, leaning on my desk and getting right into my face--quite a threatening posture, actually. When she did try to get a grip on her emotions, she took almost a full minute--but she didn't do the standard amazing Katherine suppression, she just became composed. The emotions were still there--anger and sadness. But Katherine's anger today was not an emotional show put on for my benefit--to show me how far she's come in therapy. It was genuine. Towards the end of the session, she seemed tired and almost broken. After the end of the session, she spent some time in the outer room talking to Alex before his session. Katherine is directing all her anger against her mother and sparing her father from any of it. I suspect that Katherine's father is almost a fantasy figure to her now--not a likely crucible for her anger--while her mother is very real and very convenient. Now we have to sort out why her father is spared from so much of her emotional vitriol.
Wednesday, November 26, 1997	4 pm. Twenty-Seventh Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine began by apologizing for allowing her feelings to overtake her during her last session. But she realized by herself the appropriateness of her actions in the context of a therapy session. Katherine told me of some of her memories of Christmas past apparently brought on by the smell of a bakery which evoked a sense memory of her mother's bountiful Christmas preparations. The memories were happy ones, prompting Katherine to comment that, since she is seeing a psychiatrist, she feels she should have some dark memories of childhood abuse to relate. But she can't remember her father ever raising his voice, and although her mother did, she was not physically abusive. She said that her mother was much nicer before her father left, but that after he left, she had to step up the level of terror. That's the word she used: "terror." When I asked if she felt terrorized by her mother, Katherine did a fairly unconvincing backtrack, trying to clumsily brush it aside. After Katherine's father left, Katherine's mother was sympathetic to Katherine's feelings of emotional loss--for awhile. After about five months, Katherine was ordered to "get over it." Katherine persisted until I told her that it was not uncommon for a child to mourn for a year after losing a parent. So Katherine has decided that she has been denied seven months of the "normal" one year mourning period. In allocating blame between her parents, she has heaped it all upon her mother. Her father remains relatively blameless in her emotional landscape. Intellectually, I believe that she realizes that there is something wrong in that distribution of anger, but her emotions were doled out as a child and not with the benefit of the maturity and perspective that she can now bring to bear. When I asked her about her father a couple of sessions ago, she told me that, while she was mildly aggrieved, she was unable to work up any real anger. But towards her mother, there is no such inability, as she showed during the last session. I believe that her father is a fantasy figure for Katherine now and that she has deeply repressed any negative feelings towards him so as not to tarnish her fantasy image. I believe Katherine has deep feelings of anger towards her father, but is not allowing herself to feel them. I think it is important to make him real enough to remove his immunity from Katherine's anger. I've had patients in therapy with unresolved issues about parents who've died, and they've been reluctant to explore those issues because it might have implied criticism of a now dead parent. Katherine's situation is somewhat unique, especially if her father is still alive and she is able to find him. Will a face to face meeting with him remove his immunity and allow Katherine to give voice to her true feelings? I would prefer that if such volcanic forces are present, that they are given vent in the security of my office, rather than in some Alaskan airport when she finally reunites with him.
Wednesday, November 26, 1997	5 pm. Twenty-Fifth Session with Alex Rozzi respecting Katherine Lippard. Alex is enthuasiastic that Katherine Lippard invited him to meet Phil and see his mural. Jake has hung his painting in his office, which Alex takes as a positive sign.
Wednesday, December 3, 1997	4 pm. Twenty-Eighth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine has come a long way in understanding her feelings of abandonment by her father and anger towards her mother. She is still allocating blame unequally between her parents to justify the intensity of the feelings she has towards each--her father is spared most of the intensity. We played a numbers game, trying to rationally parse out each parent's proper measure of fault. But I was particularly impressed that Katherine thought that an additional reason that her mother might have cut off her father was to help herself heal from the loss of a loved mate. Katherine empathized outside of herself to reach that conclusion--a good sign. She was clearly emotionally drained during the session--she's been thinking about this a good deal during her "homework" time. She talked about having a catharsis, but I'm not convinced that it wasn't more for my benefit than hers. I suspect that she's tired of rehashing these thoughts in her head and would like to put them aside for now. But I've often seen my patients make their most significant progress in just this kind of mental state. She mentioned her physical relationship with Jake several times during the session--she clearly wants me to know that she is having satisfying sex with him. But that has to be an emotional cover for what I think is still a fundamentally empty relationship. And Katherine is not emotionally satisfied with her relationship with Jake either, whatever she professes to me. We started to talk about Alex Rozzi, and Katherine admitted that she had briefly thought of him as a romantic prospect before realizing how young he was and his sexual orientation. So she's looking. Katherine took Alex over to meet Phil on Wednesday. Alex was apparently attracted to Phil, but Phil was oblivious of Alex's interest. After supper, Katherine took Alex home and met Ralph--she described him as wealthy and was concerned that Alex was his "boy toy" in exchange for living accommodations. She also met Alex's mother Larraine--she called her "Lorraine"--whom she described as a bitch with forceful personality. Katherine describes herself as feeling maternal towards Alex. Katherine spoke about wanting children, although she's worried whether or not she'd be a good parent. But she is very concerned that her mate doesn't leave halfway through the child-rearing, as her father did.
Wednesday, December 3, 1997	5 pm. Twenty-Sixth Session with Alex Rozzi respecting Katherine Lippard. Alex also had dinner with Katherine Lippard and her brother Phil this week. He said that he was somewhat attracted to Phil, which made him act clumsy--even though Alex was sure that Phil wouldn't be interested in him. Actually, I have no idea whether Phil is gay or not, and I thought that Alex was in a committed relationship with Luke. Alex took Katherine and Phil back to Ralph's and there met his mother coming down the stairs. His mother, who heads up SII's mail room, recognized Katherine from some company newsletter announcing her promotion. His mother made a fuss about the incident to Alex later and he believes that his mother is going to try to use the fact that Katherine and Alex have been seen together somehow against Katherine. He plans to warn Katherine of his mother's intentions.
Wednesday, December 10, 1997	4 pm. Twenty-Ninth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine was all business as she told me about the smear campaign that is being waged by Alex's mother Larraine and that toady, Nils Landor. Apparently, Larraine has it in her head that Katherine is romantically involved with Alex--she must know his sexual preference makes that unlikely--and has decided to go after Katherine within the company. She has the ear of Nils Landor who told Lloyd Major all about it. Lloyd, who's never been one of Katherine's big supporters in any case, came to talk to her about it--apparently concerned that scandal will lower the stock price. I suspect that Lloyd was just hoping for something juicy to relieve the tedium--he gets a certain pleasure from stirring the shit. Katherine plans to fight back, and she seems to be a formidable adversary. Larraine is a venal, petty woman, but she didn't strike me as particularly stupid. She must realize that picking a fight with a high-ranking corporate executive could be detrimental to her job. It just struck me--I didn't mention this to Katherine--but Larraine might have lost interest in her job now that she is pregnant and perhaps she is seeking some pretext to get fired rather than to just resign. Is it possible that Larraine wants a roll at "litigation roulette?" If that's Larraine's game, I'd better urge Katherine to be particularly careful.
Wednesday, December 10, 1997	5 pm. Twenty-Seventh Session with Alex Rozzi respecting Katherine Lippard. Alex is furious with his mother for her interference in his life and her treatment of Rosemarie. He found out from Katherine, just before the start of the session, about the rumor-mongering that his mother has engaged in at work. He was furious and wanted to immediately leave and confront her over it. I urged Alex to gain control of himself first and to try to think through whether such a course of action would have the desired results. [...] Alex has three current issues with his mother. The first and foremost is that she is trying to make trouble for Katherine at SII.
Wednesday, December 17, 1997	4 pm. Thirtieth Session with Katherine Lippard. Generally, Katherine was more animated and even spoke faster today. She seemed excited and upbeat. Katherine had a little of her old enthusiasm that she brought to therapy early on as she talked about her recent realizations about gift-giving. Before she said that was consumed with the "equity" of the process. Now she sees it as more of a game for her own amusement. Katherine has a need to sum up her progress in therapy periodically, even if she pretends that she doesn't. She likes the reassurance of a regular report card. So today, we talked about the progress that she'd made in keeping her controlling behaviors under control. She sidestepped my questions about drinking and Jake, but she did elucidate a number of specific improvements that she credits partly to Phil and partly to therapy. She asked me how her need to be in control could be attributed to how she felt about her father leaving--she wanted me to show a causal link. I pointed out how she might have felt the need to exert control in order to avoid both the feelings that she kept locked away and the chaos of a world where she didn't have control--a world in which her father abandoned her. Katherine is looking forward to assuming her new position as Chief Financial Officer. It happens officially on the first of January. She said that it actually came home to her at Frank Herald's retirement party. It was interesting hearing her describe the Herald family through her own particular filter--they are a group that I've come to know well through Christina Herald, but of course Katherine doesn't know about that. Her impression was of a family that was free of tension. She described Frank's gay son and his date; Frank's daughter by Sarah--a charming hippie dating a total flake; and Christina--composed, organized, polished, beautiful, and educated. She wanted to introduce Christina to Phil, but thinks that she's too mainstream. I couldn't resist tweaking Katherine just a bit on her newfound liberalism. Katherine also told me about the internal machinations surrounding Alex's mother's attempt to stir the shit. Apparently, she was pretty effectively put down, although Katherine hadn't considered the possibility that Larraine was trying to set up an unlawful termination claim. I opened Katherine's present: a tie with an image by Dali that makes an optical illusion--one way, it's of a face, another way, it's a group of figures. She said that it was called "The Great Paranoiac" which seems appropriate.
Wednesday, December 17, 1997	5 pm. Twenty-Eighth Session with Alex Rozzi respecting Katherine Lippard. Alex has a contusion on his forehead from a fight with Mark over his mother's actions against Katherine Lippard. Apparently, Mark got the worst of it with three cracked ribs and a dislocated jaw.
Wednesday, January 7, 1998	4 pm. Thirty-First Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine was really quite angry when she found out that I was going on vacation. She seemed angry and frustrated that she wouldn't be able to continue her therapy during that time; it seemed that a little of the emotional content of the sushi bar incident stole over Katherine for just a bit--a disruption of her plan. She calmed down quickly, though, and became almost contrite. But she's anxious to discuss her father. She brought me a bowl of lobster bisque that Phil made. I ate it soon after our session and it was terrific--maybe the best I've had, subtly spiced and bursting with lobster flavor. Katherine has described Phil as a natural talent in whatever endeavor he chooses--perhaps I believe her now. Katherine told me that Larraine Rozzi had been admitted to a psychiatric facility. She seemed ready to take the blame for Larraine's psychiatric problems, but I was able to convince her that she was not responsible with a minimum of effort. We spent the rest of the session talking about her vague but growing dissatisfaction with her comfortable but unexciting life with Jake. Katherine seems confused between the external excitement of a motorcycle ride, and the inner excitement of discovery and renewal that sometimes comes in a great relationship. She seems to have given up on the latter. Now she's hoping that Jake will provide an adrenaline type of excitement almost as compensation for the lack of emotional commitment.. I pointed out that she could make her own excitement of that sort and Katherine got quite caught up in it. Katherine reminded me that she has never heard Jake laugh out loud. Apparently he really doesn't express himself that way, even though Katherine insists that he has a very good sense of humor. When I ventured a couple of possibilities--insecurity, emotional reserve--she rejected them all out of hand. She prefers to believe that Jake's behavior is more inexplicable than that. When I finally just asked her if she loved Jake, she hesitated and then gave me a fairly weak, "Yeah." It wasn't enormously convincing.
Wednesday, January 7, 1998	5 pm. Twenty-Ninth Session with Alex Rozzi respecting Katherine Lippard. Alex's mother ended up in the mental health facility at California Pacific Medical Center sometime before Christmas. She was suffering from recurrent panic attacks, exacerbated somewhat by the conflict she was engaged in at work with Katherine Lippard, and by her current pregnancy.
Wednesday, January 28, 1998	4 pm. Thirty-Second Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine and I discussed her father during this session. She brought in a picture of him standing next to a wing-over, single engine bush plane. He was wearing a leather aviator's jacket, a scarf, and a heavy hat with ear flaps. He had a foot up on the step of the plane and was looking jaunty and confident. He was a strongly built, red-faced man with the beginnings of a beard. When Katherine talked about him pursuing his dream of being an Alaskan bush pilot, there was a strong sense of pride that he had the courage to pursue his dreams, even if she personally paid a heavy penalty. Katherine told me that she quit smoking, but she was never really a heavy smoker. Jake gave Katherine a gift of a sculpture that he created--of tulips. Katherine was thrilled at this show of affection. Actually, it made me feel that Jake starves her emotionally--any gesture on his part makes a strong impression on her. Katherine still thinks of her father with a great deal of sadness, and I explained that was natural and that, while in time, she may balance that sadness with happy memories of the past, she should not expect the sense of loss to ever disappear. Katherine told me that she is recalling long forgotten memories of her past with her father. All of her reminiscences were positive in tone--flying a kite, sitting in his lap as they drove a car, teaching her to tie her shoes. Katherine is still toying with the idea of finding him now; she fantasizes that he is still alive somewhere, watching her success with pride from a distance. But if he is alive, Katherine can't understand why he hasn't contacted her, now that she's an adult. Katherine has tried to pretend that he's dead, but she knows that her pretense is just a mental trick--she really doesn't know his fate. And until she knows, she feels that there is no closure. I tried to convince Katherine that there is an end point now, but I can tell that Katherine was unconvinced. Katherine seems determined to hire detectives to find her father, and I'm actually surprised that she's hesitated as long as she has. I'm concerned, however, that their conclusions, whatever they are, will not do much to help resolve the situation for Katherine.
Wednesday, February 4, 1998	4 pm. Thirty-Third Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine was quite disheartened during today's session. She recently passed her thirty-third birthday--she called it "Christage" or the age that Christ was when he died--and it seems to have thrown her a bit. She acknowledges her success in business and her career, but now sees those accomplishments as empty, without social relevance. She was captivated by the idea of doing something that would help others, or perhaps involving the arts. I suspect that while her desire for "social relevance" (as she defines it) is genuine, that her malaise towards her own career--and her current view that it doesn't represent accomplishment--will be short-lived. At one point, with little prompting from me, Katherine realized that this pressing desire to follow a dream had a lot in common with her father's need to go to Alaska and become a bush pilot. She saw the commonality as a point of understanding, but she envied her father the clear direction that his dream gave him. Her dream of social relevance is much more nebulous. Katherine told me about a folk song that she heard at Phil's, something about 'if someone doesn't die by the age of Christ that their story is growing old.' Katherine sees a metaphorical link to her own life. She can be reborn if she abandons her present position, and all that she's accomplished, to start a new life. I'm going to avoid reading too much into Katherine's depressed state this week and wait to see if it persists.
Wednesday, February 11, 1998	4 pm. Thirty-Fourth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine wanted to talk about everything other than herself today. We even discussed the weather. She talked about her conversation with Alex and sympathized with his difficulties. She said that she'd like to "fix it," although she knew that she was providing a valuable service by just listening. Katherine said that her problems seemed more manageable after hearing his, although I cautioned her to avoid comparing her situation to those of others. Katherine has cheered somewhat from our last session and she no longer talks about imminently quitting her job. However, she did say that she was interested in joining a group which evaluates where United Way money is spent. I told her that I thought that was an excellent use of her talents. She has also set Sunday as being a deadline for a showdown she wants to have with Jake. She feels that he's just going through the motions and she also feels that she can't reach him anymore--that there's an absence of intimacy. We did talk about her father near the end of the session. Katherine said that she's still unable to feel closure. I asked about whether she's made a decision on trying to locate him, and she said that she's still wavering. She asked my opinion and I demurred, but she insisted. I finally told her that I didn't think it likely to be a panacea, and that we could work with the feelings that she has inside without resort to outside circumstances. Actually, primarily I'm afraid he'll be dead or indifferent and that the truth will make matters worse. Katherine clearly wanted my approval to her plan to hire detectives, and she withdrew somewhat when I answered her honestly. She cheered though when she found an excuse to end the session early. Katherine is in Texas next week, so we scheduled an appointment for two weeks hence.
Wednesday, February 11, 1998	5 pm. Thirty-Second Session with Alex Rozzi respecting Katherine Lippard. Alex is developing a friendship with Katherine Lippard and was able to open up to her sufficiently to explain about Benny, Roly, and his mother, although he couldn't bring himself to talk about Joe. She reacted with sympathy and understanding, and Alex felt good about opening up to her. I encouraged him to continue to do so. Katherine wanted to do something meaningful--here's a chance for her to do some good for Alex. I suspect that she also bought one of his paintings--an anonymous buyer purchased a painting, and Alex was elated. He really wants to know who the buyer was. He even suspected that I might have bought it.
Tuesday, February 17, 1998	4 pm. Sixth Session with Olivia Stillwell respecting Katherine Lippard. Olivia briefly met Katherine Lippard in a work context and thought that she was an "ultra bitch" in her work persona, although she said that she could sense that there was a spark of someone human underneath the cold, hard, executive woman exterior. But she made a strong impression on Olivia.
Wednesday, February 25, 1998	4 pm. Thirty-Fifth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine was involved in a serious traffic accident in Texas while there on business. She was hit broadside by a pickup truck filled with firewood which ran a red light. She lost consciousness for a few minutes, apparently, and was unable to accurately identify who she was or where she lived when she regained consciousness. She clearly suffered from a concussion. Emergency medical personnel isolated her neck and transported her to a neurological unit at the hospital where it sounds like she was given a fairly thorough exam. She is still suffering from dizziness, is walking with a slight limp and with the assistance of a cane, has a serious contusion on her left hip and a sore shoulder, and has psychological injuries associated with the trauma she suffered, including night disturbances. During the session, I was surprised when a large crow landed on the windowsill. But Katherine's reaction to it was astonishing. She almost jumped out of the chair and screamed. The crow seemed to be looking straight at Katherine. She got out of her chair and clapped her hands at it, yelling. The crow flew serenely away while Katherine muttered, "Damn bird" at its retreating back. She explained that there had been an unusual number of crows at the scene of the accident. She clearly formed an association between the accident and crows. Now she is sensitized to crows and sees them everywhere. When she sees them, they evoke some of the horror of the accident itself. I tried to explain that it isn't that there are more crows in the world or that they are following her but rather that she is a lot more aware of their presence and pays attention to them when she sees them. She made me repeat the explanation twice; she said that she couldn't keep what I was saying in her head, which worried me. Katherine has never had trouble understanding even difficult concepts. When she asked me to repeat, she sounded like a young girl. And when she cried during this session, it was not the sad, sobbing cry that I've heard before. Rather it was a quiet, stunned sounding, "more than the mind can handle" kind of cry. She still hasn't confronted Jake, and she intends to join him for a ski trip, which worries me. I need to talk to Katherine about high altitude, neurological injuries, and dimished reflexes. I also won't be surprised if Katherine starts suffering from severe headaches. We went past our normal time, but Alex was late and Katherine was doing so well remembering the accident and relating the feelings that she felt, that I didn't want to interrupt her.
Wednesday, February 25, 1998	5 pm. Thirty-Fourth Session with Alex Rozzi respecting Katherine Lippard. Alex was concerned about Katherine. He talked to her and she told him that she had been in a car accident in Texas. Alex said that she sounded strange--sort of shaky, perhaps. I told Alex that Katherine would be fine.
Wednesday, March 4, 1998	4 pm. Thirty-Sixth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine is recovering well from the accident. Her dizzy spells are both less severe and less frequent and she's started driving again. Her assistant at work has picked up some of the slack. In fact, she's discovered that she was having trouble letting go of the managerial side of her old job, and taking the more reflective role appropriate for a senior executive. She plans to rectify that mistake. Katherine told me that Alex visited her at work, and she was surprised to see the open gawking of people around the office as they whispered and pointed fingers. Katherine went to Alex's house and saw his mother, who seemed a totally different person from the one who accused her of an illicit relationship with her son. Katherine isn't sure what to make of it--Katherine described the two Larraines as two different people, and Katherine thinks it possible that neither was genuine. Most of the session was devoted to Jake, though. It turns out that Jake was the buyer for Alex's paintings. He'd intended to give them to Katherine for her birthday--he missed it by a month--but then, when she talked about her interest in contributing to the arts, he decided to donate the paintings in her name to the Bay Area Youth Arts Alliance. Now Katherine has the decidedly unpleasant task of telling Alex that his paintings weren't bought by the anonymous art connoisseur that Jake invented, and Katherine has to further convince Alex that she didn't buy the paintings out of feelings of charity or pity. Alex has invested a lot in the idea that the paintings were purchased for their own sake. I think he will be quite disappointed. So Jake, who thought that he had done something praiseworthy, found himself blindsided by Katherine, who decided that since they were in the midst of an argument anyway, she should bring up all the dissatisfaction that she'd been feeling over the months and had been planning to discuss with Jake at an opportune moment. It wasn't a good discussion. Katherine accused Jake of being manipulative and not listening to her, although she admitted that Jake's idea of donating Alex's paintings, although clumsy, came from his trying to be responsive to her stated desires. This was two days ago and they haven't spoken since. Katherine seems to have contradictory feelings about Jake. As she was calling him an asshole, she clearly wasn't angry with him; she sounded more frustrated or tired. At other times, she really did sound angry. But, then again, sometimes she almost sounded mushy. She was clearly embarrassed at the way she handled the argument. Katherine hopes to have a conversation with Jake tomorrow where she rationally explains why she was upset with him. And Katherine realizes she has to tell Alex about the paintings before he finds out for himself. Katherine wasn't closed about her emotions today. She was allowing herself to feel all of the emotions as she talked--she wasn't suppressing her feelings. At the end of the session, Katherine told me more about her relationship with crows. She was in Golden Gate Park, looking at the crows there, and a man asked her, "Are they yours?" He turned out to be a professor of anthropology and he told her about the symbolism of the crow and how it is expressed in a number of cultures. They are apparently considered messengers from the spirit world, or spirit guides. Now Katherine says that she is no longer bothered by the crows. Instead, she wants to find out what they have to teach her. Katherine is not the patient who I'd expect to go this route. She's never seemed particularly superstitious and is usually extremely rational. This fixation on crows seems antithetical to her character, especially when she believes they are calling to her personally.
Wednesday, March 4, 1998	5 pm. Thirty-Fifth Session with Alex Rozzi respecting Katherine Lippard. When Alex spoke to Katherine about what a good mother she'd make, he noticed a whole range of emotions flit across her face. I've never talked to Katherine much about her feelings on becoming a parent. Alex is still mystified about who bought his paintings, but it bugs him. He really wants to know. He hasn't cashed the check from the gallery yet--he's holding it as a symbol of good luck.
Wednesday, March 11, 1998	4 pm. Thirty-Seventh Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine spent a good deal of time during today's session talking about Alex. We even talked about her concerns that I might be performing therapy on Alex through her, or using the information that I glean about Alex through my sessions with Katherine to treat Alex. I assured her that I keep the sessions separate in my mind, and that Alex is only relevant in Katherine's sessions to the extent that he is part of Katherine's life. I might have been a bit disingenuous however. If Katherine told me a shocking piece of news about Alex, I'm not sure that it wouldn't color my feelings about it, especially if it was something that Alex chose not to share with me. But it hasn't happened yet, and I don't think there is any serious ethical issue to be grappled with here. If I learn something about a patient from a source outside of therapy, that's completely legitimate. I would only have to be careful not to violate Katherine's confidentiality by disclosing to Alex what I had learned during my sessions with Katherine. Actually, I'm somewhat surprised that they are becoming such close friends. But they are. Katherine told Alex that Jake was the buyer of his paintings, but she didn't tell Jake that she has told Alex. Alex hasn't confronted Jake, so Jake is continuing to spin out the lie about the anonymous art buyer. Katherine realized that she has to tell Jake that she told Alex. I agree that she should not spend her psychic energy trying to protect the social secrets of others. Katherine did tell me a bit of news: Alex has been subpoenaed to appear as a witness at Benny's trial. Katherine was proud that Alex was able to be so open with her, and that she responded without being judgmental or trying to influence him one way or the other. In fact, Katherine was so pleased with her natural ability to communicate with Alex and with other teenagers she met at the Youth Alliance that she has decided to take on an active volunteer role working with kids through art. I'm not exactly sure what she has in mind, but it sounded positive to me. I probed a bit to see if she had some other motive in undertaking this project--particularly if she felt like she was under some obligation to take care of other people--but I sensed none of that. She seems to want to feel useful to others and to society as a whole by giving these kids a little boost. I told her that I was proud of her, and suddenly she spoke very softly and asked me if I thought that "daddy" would be proud of her. She seemed like she was about ten years old when she asked it. That one question brought home for me the enormity of the load she's been carrying--the feeling of being unworthy of daddy's praise, somehow not worthy enough to stop him from leaving her. Soon afterwards--perhaps for the first time in our sessions together--she brought up the question of having kids. She seems unsure about whether she wants children herself. I think she sees the decision in terms of her circumstances--she seems determined not to repeat the mistakes her parents made with her. But as quickly as Katherine brought up the subject, she wished to drop it. At the end of the session, Katherine wanted some techniques to enable her to remember her dreams. She's been dreaming about ravens some more, and thinks that they have something to teach her--something that she's been forgetting. I gave her some techniques adapted from lucid dreaming studies. She promised to share some of her dreams with me, and urged me to brush up on my Freud in the area of dream interpretation.
Wednesday, March 11, 1998	5 pm. Thirty-Sixth Session with Alex Rozzi respecting Katherine Lippard. The possibility of a job at the Youth Alliance, which Katherine and Jake have had a part in arranging, may help Alex keep his head above water during the trial. Subconsciously, I think Alex always knew that he had to testify. That's what the ghost of Roly was all about. Katherine told me that she didn't tell Alex what she thought he should do. But she represents the forces of order and society to Alex, I'm certain. If Alex wanted Katherine to approve of him, he knew that he would have to testify. Alex hasn't been sleeping, which is very bad. He's at his worst when he gets wired in that strange, almost autistic way. Katherine told Alex about Jake and his paintings. Alex went and confronted Jake and ended up saying a bunch of things that he now realizes he shouldn't. Alex is still impulsive with his anger, but at least this time he wasn't physically abusive.
Monday, March 16, 1998	4 pm. Ninth Session with Olivia Stillwell respecting Katherine Lippard. At the end of the session, Olivia told me about her intention to talk directly to Katherine Lippard about her relationship with Alex. Olivia said that, while she didn't believe the rumors were true, she thought Katherine should know about them. But as she told me of her intent to talk to Katherine, it seemed as if her resolve dissipated. And I can't exactly see how Olivia is going to go to Katherine and tell her, "I didn't believe it myself, of course, but do you know everyone at work thinks you're a child molester?"
Wednesday, March 18, 1998	4 pm. Thirty-Eighth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine is clearly questioning her relationship with Jake and whether she wants it to continue. The lack of intimacy issues, which I believed have long plagued their relationship, have caused her to wonder if she is getting enough "return" on her "investment." Katherine said that her relationship with Jake is hard to maintain. The analogy that she used was that she's invested in a money pit and she's spending so much time patching leaks that she doesn't have an opportunity to look out the windows and enjoy the view. But this seemed to be one of the first times that I really believed that Katherine was considering calling it quits with Jake. She even commented that its nice that she's the one who's considering abandoning him, rather than the other way around. It's ironic in some ways because she described a series of conversations where each was really trying to understand and accommodate the other. But, ultimately, I don't think that Jake is willing to offer Katherine the emotional commitment she desires most. Katherine said that they have not resumed sexual relations, although she said that she's not using sex as a weapon. In fact, Katherine got quite animated as she talked about how she has no respect for women who do that, and how using sex in that manner is akin to prostitution. But from Jake's point of view, he's clearly being punished. Katherine asked me if I kept up with the financial news and whether I was an investor in the stock market. She was sort of cagey about it--I didn't know what she was getting at. She promised to bring me in some clippings presumably of a financial nature. Katherine told me a bit about the Art Alliance. She's working with the director, Josh Massey--a high school art teacher who decided to use art to boost "unlucky" kids' self esteem. Katherine is going to use her financial skills to help apply for grants for the Art Alliance. At the end of the session, she told me that she looked up that anthropology professor from Berkeley that she met in the park as she looked at crows. This idiot wants to give Katherine some drug and lead her in a ritual so that Katherine can go on a dream quest. As I tried to warn Katherine away from this course of action, Katherine would have none of it. She shut me down over and over again, until I realized that it was futile to try to persuade her not to embark on this route. Katherine seems to believe that the drug he is planning on administering is a placebo--I think it's more likely to be peyote, a traditional Native American dream quest drug. The idea that this "professor" barely knows Katherine but is willing to give her drugs is just unbelievable! I know he's from Berkeley, but I thought the sixties were firmly in the past.
Wednesday, March 25, 1998	4 pm. Thirty-Ninth Session with Katherine Lippard. Apparently, Katherine has made a decision to break up with Jake. It wasn't a single precipitating event, rather she says that it's just her sense that he isn't "the one." Katherine feels odd to be in the position of the one initiating the break up. She was always the "dumpee" rather than the "dumpor." That's led to her feeling that she's always been abandoned by men. But not this time. One of the reasons that Katherine gave me for breaking up with Jake was that he wasn't educated enough for her. She said that she needed to edit her vocabulary when she was around him. That reason would have just been added to the pile of other faults that she attributed to Jake in my mind except that it's the second time that she's used that same phrase. Last week, she talked about how much she liked meeting Andrew, the Anthropology professor, because he was so well educated that she didn't have to edit her vocabulary around him. Somehow, Jake and Andrew are linked by some comparison of education which didn't favor Jake. Does Katherine have a romantic interest in Andrew? I had the impression he was in his seventies, but I'm not sure that's accurate. If he does have a romantic interest in Katherine, it would explain his eagerness to ply her with drugs right after their first meeting. Katherine came to a pretty quick decision to dump Jake soon after meeting Andrew. I'm not sure that it's a fair characterization, but it seems to me that women are more likely to end a fair but unexciting relationship with a man only when they have an alternative in mind. I don't think that's as true for men, but I could be mistaken. In any case, Katherine might not even be aware of her attraction to Andrew, and she denies that she has another waiting in the wings, so to speak. But when she first met Jake, she was attracted by his knowledge of art and poetry and his reckless free spirit. Those elements don't seem to weigh very heavily in his favor now that she met the professor. Katherine said that she was deeply affected by the tragedy in Arkansas yesterday where a group of kids and their teacher were shot to death by two of their classmates. Katherine felt a link to these kids because they were about eleven years old at the time of their calamity and she was about eleven at the time of hers. In the early part of our session, prior to announcing her intention to cut it off with Jake, she described a fantasy account of how Jake would have died heroically trying to subdue the shooters in Arkansas. When I probed and asked her how that would make her feel, her response was that she would have respected him and even been proud of him. But when she talked of Jake's death, there was no sense of loss. Then she described how lucky he was in avoiding serious injury during a bad motorcycle accident last week. I was struck by how she seemed almost angry at Jake for not getting seriously hurt. I found all this odd, until she told me of her decision to end the relationship. Katherine is not one of those women who will be interested in keeping up a friendship with a past lover. Instead, I think it likely that she falls into the category: "dump them and then hope that they drop off the face of the earth." She's clearly separating herself emotionally from Jake. Katherine is exploring lucid dreaming with Andrew, which seems harmless enough, I suppose. If Andrew is attempting to seduce Katherine, he certainly has a unique approach: peyote, camomile tea, a raven's feather, and plenty of bedtime activities. I guess he's an anthropology professor: you work with what you've got. At the end of the session, Katherine said that I should stay abreast of what's going on at SII and tossed some wire service stories at me. This is the second time that she mentioned something about SII's financial affairs. The wire service stories indicate that SII is buying back its own stock. The article speculates that SII wants to bolster their stock price. But SII's stock price didn't sound like it particularly needed bolstering. So SII must be buying its stock because it thinks that it's a good buy. And SII isn't guessing, it knows its own value; the rest of the stock market are the ones who're guessing. Why was Katherine so cryptic? I figure that it must be the insider trading rules. If nothing was up at SII, Katherine could tell me that the stock was undervalued and urge me to buy. But if something is up at SII, Katherine can't come right out and tell me to buy SII stock because then she'd be violating the insider trading rules. She knows something's up which will likely cause SII's stock to rise in the near future. But she can't be faulted for showing me articles which have been published in the business press. Now I have a moral quandary. If I buy SII stock now, aren't I trading on inside information? I certainly have a tip from a highly placed executive at SII, even if it wasn't an overt tip. I have to think about this good and hard before I call my broker.
Wednesday, April 1, 1998	4 pm. Fortieth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine broke up with Jake in what she described as a very civilized fashion. They weighed the pros and cons of continuing together and decided, like cool-headed business people, that they should abandon their investment, or some such drivel. Even when Katherine was talking about how she felt, it sounded like she was in the office. Already, she'd distanced herself so far from Jake that mostly what remained was the sticky matter of actually telling him that it was over. She doesn't realize that she's making a transition to a relationship with Andrew, the peyote-pushing professor, but she dropped a couple of hints that, subconsciously at least, indicate she's thinking about it. Katherine expressed some mild disappointment that Jake wasn't heartbroken by the breakup, but the disappointment she felt was intellectual rather than emotional. I pointed out to her that she should have expected a mild reaction from Jake: one of the reasons that she was breaking up with him was that he was unable to emotionally commit. But Katherine felt that both Jake and she tried to commit, but that they were just the wrong people for each other. Katherine broadly hinted that I should buy some SII stock. She gave me a clipping from yesterday's Wall Street Journal which said that there was a lot of activity in SII stock and that maybe SII was going to be the subject of a take over bid. But now I think I know too much. I just wouldn't feel comfortable buying stock now based on a tip, albeit disguised, from one of my patients. If SII is taken over, it will do more than goose the stock price--I'll probably have to find another practice. Katherine, at the end of the session, indicated that she thought her father would be proud of her for her philanthropic activities. She's strongly motivated by the thought of his approval. If she follows through on her idea to hire detectives and then discovers that he's dead, I wonder if it will remove a fundamental underpinning to her ambitions? I think it would be better if she didn't know her father's fate.
Wednesday, April 8, 1998	4 pm. Forty-First Session with Katherine Lippard. We spent most of the session talking about a series of lucid dreams which Katherine experienced. They sound like they made an enormous impression on her, mostly positive. She had two main series of dreams over several subsequent nights. In the first, she followed a raven as a guide to a large hedge-like maze and then required a ground-based guide to complete her journey. She chose me as her guide and cast me in the figure of a mole. That's pretty grounded! Those dreams led her through a labyrinth back to her childhood home and allowed her to view a few important artifacts left there by her family after they moved. She reacted very emotionally to seeing her father's flight bag there. Katherine wept even as she related the dream to me. In the second series of dreams, Katherine was able to conduct dream conversations with her father both as a child and as an adult. In those dream conversations, Katherine put all the blame on her mother and took all the blame off her father. Her father revealed that things weren't going well between her mother and him, and they were headed towards a divorce regardless of his desire to pursue his destiny. Katherine has always been desperate to make a hero of her father, and she did so in her dreams. He also told her how much he loved her and how proud he was of her. He told her to follow her talents and to not worry about how she was viewed by the rest of the world. Katherine always desperately desired that kind of love and acceptance from her dad, and now she's given herself that. It sounds like she really might be able to achieve some form of closure by her belief that she's actually had a paranormal experience instead of a dream. But in reality, when Katherine talks to her mother and explores the new information about the divorce, I'm afraid that the reality she gives to the dream construct might collapse. From everything that she told me up to now, her mother was very much in love with her father and never got over the shock of his abandonment. Regardless of the romantic content of her father pursuing his destiny, ultimately it comes down to the hard fact that he abandoned his children. Even if he faced a divorce from his wife, he didn't have to sever his relationship with his children. That was his choice. Katherine has chosen to keep intact this romantic figure that she's carefully fashioned over the last twenty years. Her subconscious is not going to let go of that very easily and her dreams reflect that. Part of the reality that Katherine ascribes to these series of dreams was given when her brother happened to call after her emotional reaction to discovering her father's flight bag at the deserted house. Of course, his phone call interrupted her sleep, which made that dream memorable. If he hadn't called, she probably would have never remembered the dream. She said that she woke crying and then received the call from Philip. I've noticed that there is a lack of causality in dreaming which enables one to reverse the order of actual events just upon waking. Personally, I've been able to weave an unexpected doorbell into a dream so that I believed that the dream naturally led to a situation where someone would ring a doorbell. And it all happened instantaneously upon awakening to the unexpected chime. I'll never know whether she actually woke up or whether Phil woke her up, but I suspect that it might be an example of reversed causality resulting from a dream. But it gave her a chance to connect with Phil and to talk to him seriously about their feelings about their dad. Previously, Katherine had considered hiring detectives to find her father. She has never taken this course. I don't believe that she was deterred by the cost, which might have been substantial but relatively immaterial to Katherine. Rather, I believe Katherine was afraid that the results of the investigation would cause her to lose the ideal father that she's constructed. I don't really think that she can achieve closure through dream conversations with her idealized father, because she's not facing reality--she's just constructing a fairy-tale to which she can cling.
Wednesday, April 8, 1998	5 pm. Fortieth Session with Alex Rozzi respecting Katherine Lippard. Alex got a check from Jake, apparently in an effort to make things right there. But Alex is avoiding further conversation with Jake because of the situation between Jake and Katherine. Alex told me that Katherine met the "lipstick lesbitarians" and apparently didn't think much of them, which Alex ascribed to Regina's exorbitant piercings. But Katherine apparently made an impression on them--just what Katherine needs now.
Wednesday, April 15, 1998	4 pm. Forty-Second Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine started the session enthused about SII's product announcement, and the resulting increase in SII's stock price. I've never exactly understood the mechanism of how it works, but if a publicly traded company has a large valuation by virtue of a high stock price, it can use that to pay down debt and improve its financial health generally. As I think about it, I guess it can sell stock at a big number to raise cash or to acquire another company. Katherine chided me for not buying stock, but I tried to change the subject. Katherine was in a good mood generally. Although she tried, she hasn't had anymore dreams of her father. While she attributes some of the dreams to psychic forces, she realizes that they really come from inside of herself. She sees a conflict between her own conscious feelings of not contributing enough to society and her unconscious affirmation in the guise of the dream conversation with her father. I told Katherine that conflicting feelings are natural and that her unconscious had given her some good advice--feel good about herself and use her talents to help society, if she feels so inclined. Perhaps that's a trivialization, but that's the gist of it. Phil got another art commission. This time, he's creating a tile mosaic floor mural. And Katherine reports that Jake, who's always been a thrill-seeker, has taken to omitting the normal safety precautions. I suggested that this new risk-taking behavior may be the only way that Jake has in giving expression to his feelings of loss over the end of his relationship with Katherine. Katherine expressed some nonspecific disapproval over something Alex did recently--she described it as stupid teenage shit. I suspect that she was referring obliquely to Alex's recent penchant for abusing drugs.
Wednesday, April 15, 1998	5 pm. Forty-First Session with Alex Rozzi respecting Katherine Lippard. Alex wants the freedom to go wild--he thinks it might be a stage he's going through--and he becomes very angry when he thinks someone's judging him, including me. He said that Katherine was really his only friend who wasn't judging him, and wasn't currently angry at him.
Wednesday, April 22, 1998	4 pm. Forty-Third Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine has recognized that she has come a long way in therapy and has indicated that she wants to wrap it up. I don't strongly disagree. The original therapeutic issues which Katherine presented initially have been resolved. She is much more confident in herself and her place in the world. She doesn't appear to have the issues of abandonment which she discovered during therapy. She's not a slave to the rigid structures which defined her originally. I suggested that we meet again and I'll prepare an exit interview for her at that time. She did tell me that she was heading towards a casually sexual relationship with Andrew, the professor, when he mentioned that he was married. He maintained that his marriage, however, wasn't an impediment to a sexual rendezvous so long as his wife didn't find out. Katherine didn't go along with his suggestion. Before, with the prospect of a romantic relationship beginning with Andrew, Katherine was much more sanguine about her breakup with Jake. I'm afraid now the separation from Jake will hit her harder than previously. At the beginning of the session, Katherine gave me a curious object. It's a glass pyramid about five inches high, mostly clear but with a slight milky, pinkish-purple hue. Inside is suspended a yin-yang symbol. The odd thing is that it looks the same from every angle. It can't be a sphere or the dividing curve would move as you rotated the pyramid. It can't be a disk, or it would disappear from the side. It's an enigma.
Wednesday, April 29, 1998	4 pm. Forty-Fourth Session with Katherine Lippard. Prior to the session, I prepared an exit interview based upon my notes on Katherine over the last year. I've blended that information with information gleaned from this session. We've decided to cut her sessions back to once every two weeks, with the goal of ending therapy by Independence Day. Katherine first started therapy as a rigid, unyielding business person, with no sense of frivolity or joy. The need to exert control caused distress. She almost consciously suppressed playfulness and creativity in favor of hard-driving corporate over-achievement. Became very proud of her accomplishments in therapy, even defensive about them. Finally revealed an emotional/spiritual emptiness that money and possessions couldn't alleviate. She seems lonely. Was unsure of how to create a social life. She was positively giddy about her first date with Jake. On review, her contempt of Joey, which she said was for his life dictated by financial and social constraints, might actually have roots in Joey being a representation of her father. Joey was named for her father, and was her mother's favorite, both before and after the abandonment. Perhaps she resents him for monopolizing her mother's attention and affection after the divorce. We agreed that although she may come to grips with the abandonment as the grief process unfolds, she might never look upon it without a feeling of loss. Her initial description of Jake was as profound and intelligent. Later, toward the end of that relationship, she described him as shallow and not as bright as she is. It seems that he always held most of the power in the relationship, partially because of his dominant personality and greater experience with relationships, and partially because her feelings toward him were not entirely requited. She used sex as a cover for an emotionally empty relationship. At the end she noticed the difference in feeling at being the initiator of the end of the relationship rather than the "dumpee." But she remains inexperienced at long-term emotionally intimate romantic relationships. She expressed a fear of being inherently unable to live her life independent of a male figure. As she gains increased understanding about herself through therapy, she's finding it less necessary to try to exert control over a chaotic world through the use of external routines. She talked about wanting children, but was concerned that she would be a poor parent, and that the father would leave before the child-rearing was complete, as her father did. She tends to wish for her father to be proud of each major accomplishment in her life: graduations, new jobs, etc. She had some anger at her mother for forcing her father's hand in the abandonment. But she directs none of this to her father, a fantasy figure. She may be afraid that admitting anger toward her father will tarnish his image in her head. She has cast her father as a hero, has idealized him as the perfect parent, and has made no progress toward a more realistic view. What happened to the crows after the dream? The whole crow/spirituality/mystical thing seemed out of character. The friendship with Alex is surprising, too. During the session, she was still very defensive about her view of her father, although at some level I think she understands that it is a fiction she's created for her own comfort. And although she expressed ambivalence about having children, she seemed genuinely disappointed that she's missing the chance to be a mother. Mostly, though, the session went briskly. She seemed to answer questions confidently, without taking a lot of time to think of the answers. She seemed well prepared, without slipping back into her corporate persona. She really has come quite a long way in the last year.
Wednesday, May 13, 1998	4 pm. Forty-Fifth Session with Katherine Lippard. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it, but after complementing me effusively about my performance as her therapist, Katherine asked if it would violate my ethics if she gave me a hug at the end of the session. Of course, I said a hug would be okay. I was expecting some casual, shoulders-only kind of hug. Instead, it was a long, full-body hug during which she took a deep breath and exhaled in a silent sigh. I was somewhat taken aback. After the hug, she didn't look at me. She just said softly, "See you in two weeks," and she left. She wasn't trying to be alluring or seductive, when she spoke. She was just subdued. It was a remarkable display of affection from Katherine, whose crisp, businesslike manner usually even constrains her most emotional outbursts. The session itself was a patchwork quilt of observations and Katherine analysis. She discovered that her set appointment on Wednesday afternoons has resulted in a long-standing policy of the financial department going home early on Wednesdays. She had a dinner with Jake where they were both supposed to act as friends only. Although it started awkwardly, it seemed to end on a good note, with both of them more comfortable in the transition to a new role. Katherine, in a blaze of self-insight, realized that she had manufactured objections to Jake solely for the purpose of making it easier to break up with him. The truth, as she sees it now in hindsight, is simply that she wasn't in love with him. I think it's a bit more complicated--bound up in Jake's emotional reserve and inability to commit to Katherine--but I didn't argue with her. Katherine has been invited to Alex's parents' wedding. She was contemptuous to discover that Larraine has registered for extravagantly expensive crystal and china at Nordstrom. Katherine believes that Larraine's desire to obtain these luxury items is just a futile, pathetic attempt to buy social status. Katherine is planning on getting them a crock-pot or something equally sensible and, presumably, fitting to her conception of their low social ranking. Katherine hinted that she's now phenomenally rich from the sale of SII stock options and she mentioned being interested in buying a house. She's also interested in starting a charitable foundation to "enhance the safety of America's youth." I'm surprised that she chose that issue--it's the first I've heard of an interest in the problems of youth crime. In a fiery soliloquy which she delivered with every indication of sincerity, she related the purposes of her foundation to the feelings that she had of being abandoned as a child. I'm not sure I understand the connection, but Katherine was adamant that the foundation was all about making the lives of kids better. Katherine spoke about her father again. She recognizes that I believe she should attribute some blame to him, but she's unwilling to do so. She says that she loves him too much to be mad at him.
Monday, May 18, 1998	4 pm. Fifteenth Session with Olivia Stillwell respecting Katherine Lippard. At the end of the session, Olivia spoke with envy about an executive at SII who just dates--I believe she was referring to Katherine Lippard.
Wednesday, May 27, 1998	4 pm. Forty-Sixth Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine began the session by telling me about how well her philanthropic projects are moving forward. Katherine is planning a vacation to Alaska with Phil, partly to search for her father. She was a little hesitant and defensive in telling me about her trip, anticipating an argument, I imagine. She describes her search for her father in casual terms, but she's planning on going to the town of Malbae--his last known address--and following his trail from there. Katherine has tried to imagine all the possible outcomes and has prepared herself for them. She's hoping that they'll meet and renew a relationship more as friends than as father and daughter. She seems confident about her ability to handle what she finds. Katherine told me about Larraine and Mark Rozzi's wedding--it was not the tawdry affair she had imagined. She was particularly impressed with Luke's appearance--she described him as a hunk. At the end of the session, Katherine thanked me for the therapy I have provided and told me that she thought our sessions were at an end. Although I still think Katherine has some unresolved issues, especially with her parents, I think she has made significant progress over the last year. It's always bittersweet to say goodbye to a patient at the end of therapy. I suppose it's like a teacher graduating a student. Their time together, often intense, has come to an end. While it's time for one of them to move on, the teacher must stay behind for the next student. I've come to know, like, and respect Katherine and I'll miss her. But I'm proud of her, too. She's ready for what life has to throw at her in Alaska.
Wednesday, July 8, 1998	5 pm. Fifty-Third Session with Alex Rozzi respecting Katherine Lippard. I thought Katherine had already left for Alaska. I was surprised when Alex told me that she threw a party at the Alliance prior to disappearing on her trip. I'm fairly certain that she was out of town during the last few months--Alex would have mentioned seeing her if nothing else. Perhaps she went back to Maryland to spend some time with her family before venturing to the frozen North. If she was in town, I'm surprised that I haven't heard from her. I'm glad that Alex had a chance to spend some time with her. She tends to have a grounding influence on him, and he plainly adores her. [...] Alex is fighting hard to have everything remain static in his life, but circumstances are forcing the context of all his relationships to keep continually changing.
Wednesday, September 9, 1998	5 pm. Sixtieth Session with Alex Rozzi respecting Katherine Lippard. We spent much of the session talking about Katherine Lippard. She's been back from Alaska for a few weeks now, and she's spent some time with Alex. Although she told Alex some stories about her travels, Alex didn't volunteer anything she might have said about the fate of her father. I might have pressed harder to find out what happened if I didn't have a session planned with Katherine tomorrow morning. Apparently, Katherine is considering the purchase of a fancy house in Seacliff. She went out there with Alex driving her Jaguar. He parked it in a tow away zone and, sure enough, the car was towed while they were looking at the house. Alex was embarrassed but Katherine laughed off the incident. Alex was quite grateful for her attitude.
Thursday, September 10, 1998	11 am. Forty-Seventh Session with Katherine Lippard. Katherine came in full of rapture for the beauty that she found in Alaska. She told me about fabulous vistas freed from human contamination that inspired her to poetic language and grand arm gestures. But, of course, the issue I was most interested in was her father. While she didn't actually find him or learn his current fate, she did find a woman, Mary-Louise Clark, with whom he had lived for four years. She said that he kept a picture of his family, including Katherine, which he treasured. She also described him in glowing terms as a type of frontier hero, using his plane to rescue those in need from the Alaskan wilderness. It sounded a bit like a fantasy--a television drama about the unchained bush pilot with a different adventure each week. But it was just the type of fantasy that Katherine needed to grab hold of. She says that she's now reached closure--she did seem to be at peace with this issue. I think that she now has a skeleton mental construct of a father with which she can imbue all the positive personality traits that she needs him to have. When she finally was able to talk to Phil about this, she realized that he never had the same difficulties understanding her father's abandonment of them. Katherine believes that, ultimately, Phil is much more like her father than she. And Katherine probably has made the unspoken assumption that she's much more like her mother--strong, controlling, a dealer rather than a dreamer. And, like her mother, she was abandoned by the man she loved. Now, she has to work to justify the abandonment so as not to blame her mother, and by transference, herself. The hero mythology is precisely what she needs. So while it may seem a bit artificial to me, Katherine has constructed a scaffold to support her emotionally while she tries to build other relationships that are not fraught with issues of abandonment. I hope the scaffold is strong enough to survive until she is able to form a relationship with someone whom she can genuinely trust.
Wednesday, November 4, 1998	5 pm. Conversation with Lorraine Jarrod (née Rozzi) respecting Katherine Lippard. The ever-charming Lorraine Jarrod flounced into my office in her best accusatory manner and informed me that Alex was in jail. A lifetime of her neglect has nothing to do with it--it's my fault. Benny was found--alive, thank god--severely beaten and left unconscious in the Marin Headlands. Alex is being charged with a whole series of counts including assault and attempted murder. He's being tried as an adult and bail was set at one hundred thousand dollars. Larraine was all in favor of letting her son rot in prison, but Katherine Lippard decided to post bail for Alex, instigating Larraine's fury.
Wednesday, November 11, 1998	5 pm. Sixty-Seventh Session with Alex Rozzi respecting Katherine Lippard. Alex told me that his mother and Mark have forbidden him from coming to their house, and that Ralph, too, is angry with him. Alex said that the only person who has come through for him was Katherine. She bailed out of prison and has taken to clarifying things for Alex so that he can gain perspective on his problems. Alex worships her. She explained that it would be a personal betrayal if Alex skipped bail, and I genuinely think he won't, even though I suspect that he's in considerably more trouble than he realizes.
Wednesday, November 18, 1998	5 pm. Sixty-Eighth Session with Alex Rozzi respecting Katherine Lippard. I'm afraid that Alex might have a tendency to push away those people who would be most likely to help him, like Katherine, Ralph, and me. Alex is ready to dump anyone who didn't believe his story regarding Benny's beating. He told me that he sensed that he would have to move from Katherine's place soon, although not because of anything she said or did. He had a feeling that it was time to go and Ralph, apparently, is trying to get Alex to move back. But Alex thinks Ralph wasn't very nice to him after the police arrested him.
Monday, November 23, 1998	12 pm. Forty-Eighth Session with Katherine Lippard. I had a surprising session with Katherine today. This is the second time I've seen her since May, and today it was all about selfishness. She feels guilty about it, but she really isn't able to tolerate Alex's continual emotional demands upon her. Alex is living at her house, and she wants him out. She wants to be living alone. While Katherine has devoted herself to doing good works on an abstract level, when it comes to really getting her hands dirty she seems to need to back away. I told her to do what was right for her emotional health, of course. But she didn't feel much like the Katherine that I used to know. She also gave hints that she's feeling insecure about her own mental stability. She said that she's worked hard to get to the place that she's in now, and she's afraid to disrupt it. I got the impression that she feels as if the stability is really a perilous perch rather than a solid foundation. She also told me that she's about to start dating a very rich man who doesn't have much of an occupation other than clipping coupons. Without being too judgmental--okay, maybe I am being judgmental--he doesn't sound like someone who she would have been interested in a year ago.
Wednesday, November 25, 1998	5 pm. Sixty-Ninth Session with Alex Rozzi respecting Katherine Lippard. Perhaps Alex is beginning to see that there are consequences to his actions. While Katherine was in her session with me on Monday, Alex was moving out of her house. He's always been quick to pick up on how other people are feeling towards him. He left a note but he didn't really have any place to go--I'm not sure how much he's burned his bridges with Ralph--and he ended up staying at a Tenderloin motel. He also resumed his nocturnal wanderings and went back to his favorite site under the girders of the Golden Gate Bridge. There, he churned over his interpersonal relationships and came to the conclusion that he always messes them up. He even apparently had some suicidal ideation, but I don't think Alex is in serious danger of taking his own life. He contacted Luke and is staying at the condo Luke maintains in San Francisco, even though he's still in New York. He hasn't contacted Katherine since he left her house on Monday, and I'm sure she's very concerned about him. He said he'd call her after our session. He's very nervous that he might have destroyed his relationship with her.
Wednesday, December 2, 1998	5 pm. Seventieth Session with Alex Rozzi respecting Katherine Lippard. Alex referred to Benny as a "hero object" in his life. He described an interesting social pattern where he sets important people in his life up as heroes in his eyes. Alex said that he learns what he can from each hero and then moves on. I suspect that the heroes have a hard time living up to Alex's expectations, and so end up disappointing him or turning to villains. It's an interesting dynamic which I'd like to explore further when Alex isn't so emotional and even maudlin. [...] Alex also described Katherine in hero worship terms: he told me that it is her patience that he most admires. He patched things up with Katherine, although she scolded him for running away rather than talking things out. Actually, it seems that things ended rather neatly for Katherine. Alex's mother didn't know where Alex was and thought that Katherine might be lying to her when she denied knowledge of his whereabouts. So she had a loud, angry confrontation with Katherine in her office at SII, bringing up echoes of her previous charge that Katherine and Alex were engaged in an unlawful sexual relationship. Katherine calmly deflected her allegations, although Larraine left muttering threats and slamming doors. Alex went to Thanksgiving dinner knowing about the confrontation that his mother had with Katherine. His mother, however, did not know that Alex had heard about it. Alex was able to contain his anger through the dinner--he told me that he discovered a previously unknown gay relation and was proud of hitting some sort of nerve when he asked about the boy's father. But Alex saved his confrontation with his mother until later, when they were alone. They actually seem to connect for a moment, mother and son, in the knowledge that they were both emotionally high-strung--"hot heads" is the term they used.
Friday, December 11, 1998	9 am. Invitation Received from Ms. Katherine Lippard. I received an invitation to a charity event from Katherine Lippard to benefit the Bay Area Youth Alliance. She sent me two tickets and a nice handwritten note. However, the event is on December 20th. My trip to New York took the pressure off my having to decline the invitation to Katherine. I left her a message thanking her but explaining that I can't come. Even if I was in town, I don't think it would have been appropriate to go to the event. I feel that Katherine is still my patient and her close ties to SII virtually assure that I'll run into some other patients at this event. I refuse to create awkward situations for my patients solely for the purpose of enhancing my social life.

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Katherine Lippard's Patient File
Charles Balis' Notes by Patient



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